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if i could speak freely and you would listen i don't know where i'd begin but i know there are a lot of things i wish i could say to you. i love you and whether or not i will eve get the chance to say that to you face to face again i know it will always be true. it has been so hard and so weird without you. i know this had to be done i just hope it's not permanent because i know that if i can't have you i really don't want anything else. i've thought about it a lot and i know i could dive right into something else and try to pretend you never happened but i would honestly rather die alone knowing i kept the memory of us alive than let die to be unhappy with someone who isn't you. we were perfect and i got scared there were a lot of road blocks and i want you to know i realize how special we really were together. i could've told you anything and i've never been more comfortable with anyone. i had so much fun with you and i never second guessed myself when it came to you. at least not in the begining. i HATE not being a part of you and not being an us. it kills me any time i talk to someone we knew and they look at me that way because they know as well as i do how much we really love each other and i can't even listen to dave matthews without balling. i am proud of myself but i want you so badly. i guess i ask you if we could both go get some help and see where we are in 6 months. if you could take a trip to see me or i could you and we could really talk about all this face to face even if it's just one last time. i need you and i may never have you again but i have to know if you feel the way do. if you'd just answer the phone. ugh. i'm such a fool. i should be there holding you like i use to. you have to know you are the world to me.