Of running and men.
I met with my recruiter yesterday and I decided that I really need to start running, my best friend is leaving a month and a half after me and is running, so I decided I should start. I already started doing push ups and sit ups at night so I can meet all that. I have my sit ups down pat, but the push ups are gonna be a bitch to meet, but I have 4 months to get there. I went running for the first time since soccer about 20 minutes ago and I did a mile in a little over 10 minutes- that's not very good but its WAY the hell better than I expected! Plus, it's my first time running in forever and a day! So I could basically meet my running time right now, because girls in the Air Force have to run 2 miles in 21 minutes. That's like jogging slowly, so I'm really not worried about that. I'm very pumped that I did that, but I stupidly went and spontaneously ran a mile with eating anything all day. I have to quit pulling stunts like that, I'm going to end up in the hospital. I'm thinking I about killed myself doing that today though, it's the way I am though, if I had to run a mile in 6 minutes I WOULD do it, but I would probably die afterwards, but the way I am is that if I want to do something I do it whether it kills me or not. That's a very good thing and a very bad thing. I'm so messed up.
Speaking of messed up, I'm sick of men complicating my life. I haven't talked to my dad since my last soccer game, which isn't a surprise but my bad days are becoming few and far between. So that's good. But I stupidly decided to hang out with a long lost love the other day and stupidly discussed the possibility of getting back together. Then of course, I think that its a good idea and will possibly be uplifiting for my mood. Well, he decided last night that he has a girlfriend that he loves and doesn't think he wants to get hurt by me again. What the fuck? Yeah, that's what I said. Not only did I not know that they were an item, but the hurt that I inflicted on him that he's speaking of was a year and a half ago and since then we've both changed. I'm never going to end up happy in the relationship sense, I'm a lost cause. And mystery man that has my heart at the moment shits on me daily, so yeah, my love life is quite screwy. I should just give up and .... give up. I would say be a lesbian but last time my mom read my livejournal and I mentioned that she freaked out and thought I was a lesbian.
I think I'm going to go puke. I'm an idiot.