(no subject)
I don't know where I am anymore, it's like I've dissolved and resorted to drifting and gliding through what my life should be. Sometimes I know, sometimes I'm grounded in the reality that has been created for me, but the other times I'm dissociated.
Sometimes I consider just saying fuck everything and going back to my old habits, but to slip back into that niche would be so bad in so many ways. I can't bear to put my family through it again and in the end, it never really helped me much anyway.
I believe I had found myself, found what I needed to do for quite a while and I was somewhat content. I'm kind of back to hopeless right now. Most of the time I'm not happy. I want this all to be over. Three more months, hopefully. I want to leave this state, disappear, and start over. Six more months. The part of me which has to prescribe to all these set rules and regulations is at constant war with the side that wants to explore and disappear.
I think everything that's going on is going to tear me apart one of these days- infact I'm convinced it will. I wish that there was an easier way to accomplish this, but there isn't.
Sometimes I consider just saying fuck everything and going back to my old habits, but to slip back into that niche would be so bad in so many ways. I can't bear to put my family through it again and in the end, it never really helped me much anyway.
I believe I had found myself, found what I needed to do for quite a while and I was somewhat content. I'm kind of back to hopeless right now. Most of the time I'm not happy. I want this all to be over. Three more months, hopefully. I want to leave this state, disappear, and start over. Six more months. The part of me which has to prescribe to all these set rules and regulations is at constant war with the side that wants to explore and disappear.
I think everything that's going on is going to tear me apart one of these days- infact I'm convinced it will. I wish that there was an easier way to accomplish this, but there isn't.