(no subject)
I've just like deserted my GJ..I don't know why, I just don't feel like updating. I like all the comments I get there, but it's so hard to keep up with commenting on everyone elses journal. Plus, that's more for really deep down thoughts. This update sort of is deep down thoughts, but I don't feel like writing in there yet.
Anyways. I had a bad dream last night. I worked at a store, I can't remember what we sold, but it was something random. Something like cloths or something, I don't know. So anyways, I was working there and everything, and I looked different, like, I wore different clothes and I was just all "dark & depressed". I was helping people find what they were looking for and stuff, then I left work or something, the next thing I know, it was like the same room that I was in for work, and it was my house. I don't really remember it all, so I'm not going to go into details. I remember I was scared to death of something, a face in the wall or something. No one else saw it but me, and I was like haunted by it or something. Then I remember being in a therapists waiting room and I saw Sean come out, and then I went in. I don't remember what happened in the therapists office, but the next thing I remember is I'm at my house (my house right now) sitting near my piano drinking red juice and just sitting there watching a movie. His mom was there, so I guess it was his house or something. His mom looked gorgeous though. She had like makeup on and her hair was all done up and she was wearing a pretty red dress. It was odd, but I remember like envying her and I was just like thinking to myself "Sean's got an awesome mom..she's so pretty". I don't know why we were hanging out, we were like broken up and all, and I was just sitting there really depressed, then I asked him why he was at the therapist, and then I woke up.
I hate this churning feeling in my stomach. Whenever I think about him, I get it. I've been thinking about him like non-stop all week and I've been trying so hard not to, but it like haunts me. I hate it so much.
Oh yeah, yesterday, my dad goes "Sean called sometime this week, he's on the caller ID". So I go and check the caller ID and it said he called Monday around 7. I was like "Oh my god, what I've been dreaming and hoping and praying about all week might be coming true. So, I call him, stupidly. I'm mad at myself because I sounded all quiet and sad and not myself, and I'm supposed to show him that I don't care about him anymore, even though I do very very much. Anyways, he said that he probably just accidentally dialed my number because he was so used to dialing it. Blahh. Fuck him. He sucks.
I just feel like absolute shit right now. I want to feel better, but how the hell am I supposed to?! =[ I hate him for doing this to me.
Anyways. I had a bad dream last night. I worked at a store, I can't remember what we sold, but it was something random. Something like cloths or something, I don't know. So anyways, I was working there and everything, and I looked different, like, I wore different clothes and I was just all "dark & depressed". I was helping people find what they were looking for and stuff, then I left work or something, the next thing I know, it was like the same room that I was in for work, and it was my house. I don't really remember it all, so I'm not going to go into details. I remember I was scared to death of something, a face in the wall or something. No one else saw it but me, and I was like haunted by it or something. Then I remember being in a therapists waiting room and I saw Sean come out, and then I went in. I don't remember what happened in the therapists office, but the next thing I remember is I'm at my house (my house right now) sitting near my piano drinking red juice and just sitting there watching a movie. His mom was there, so I guess it was his house or something. His mom looked gorgeous though. She had like makeup on and her hair was all done up and she was wearing a pretty red dress. It was odd, but I remember like envying her and I was just like thinking to myself "Sean's got an awesome mom..she's so pretty". I don't know why we were hanging out, we were like broken up and all, and I was just sitting there really depressed, then I asked him why he was at the therapist, and then I woke up.
I hate this churning feeling in my stomach. Whenever I think about him, I get it. I've been thinking about him like non-stop all week and I've been trying so hard not to, but it like haunts me. I hate it so much.
Oh yeah, yesterday, my dad goes "Sean called sometime this week, he's on the caller ID". So I go and check the caller ID and it said he called Monday around 7. I was like "Oh my god, what I've been dreaming and hoping and praying about all week might be coming true. So, I call him, stupidly. I'm mad at myself because I sounded all quiet and sad and not myself, and I'm supposed to show him that I don't care about him anymore, even though I do very very much. Anyways, he said that he probably just accidentally dialed my number because he was so used to dialing it. Blahh. Fuck him. He sucks.
I just feel like absolute shit right now. I want to feel better, but how the hell am I supposed to?! =[ I hate him for doing this to me.