the night david almost died
Last night was some what of a Tucker Max night, and needs that type of an entry. Althought I dont remember all of last night I have been filled in on the details. So here I go with my attempt at writing like Tucker:
The day started with me recovering from friday night [a whole other story]. I get a call from Sean telling me that his roomate, Darin, is having a party at his girlfriends appartment because its the last weekend before he turns 21. Sean tells me that they had gone shopping and had about 20 handles of medium grade liqior. Im instantly interested. He tells me to call him back around 9 for more details.
The day is spent with me chilling not doing much because of my recovery mode situation. So I didn't get out much except at about 5:30ish for food with Big Eric. I get back to the room and take a power nap. I set my alarm for 8 so that I can wake up, shower, get dressed and bounce to the party.
I wake up at 8, did the things I planned on doing and give Sean a call. I meet up with him at his dorm at 9:15. We are held up because his other roomate Pat needed to get these 3 girls. These girls were so hot that I couldn't even get with these chicks in my dreams. We roll to the party with some gifts, orange juice, ext. We get there are there are two other navy guys there already chilling. Someone suggests we start the night off with a round of tequilla shots. This doesn't amuse me because me and tequilla aren't the best of friends. Thanks to peer pressure I do it anyways. Great way to start the night.
We realize that this party is quickly becoming a sausage fest. Me and Sean begin calling female on our cell phones. Doesn't work well, everyone was home for the weekend. We say fuck it and begin drinking. Seeing as there are bottles of vodka (dave's arch enemy), tequilla (vodka's second in command), gin (goes good with juice) and captin morgan's. So I pour myself a relativly strong rum and coke. I throw that back pretty fast.
During my first cup I remember meeting Carin, Darin's gf. We had a conversation about my hat, she clamed she had seen me before.
Carin: where do i know you?
Dave: I have no idea...
Carin: I think I saw you at a party, you were pretty drunk...
Dave: Did I slap you on the ass?
Carin: no, why?
Dave: then I wasn't drunk, or it wasnt me
She loved me. To bad it was probilly because she was pretty drunk. Mean while those really hot girls that Pat brough were taking porno style pictures. They wanted me to be in one, I need to get that picture so that you guys can know just how hot they were. They desided that they had better things to do and left with Pat to go to a bar. I don't know or care, they were the type of girls that you are just like "they are too hot". I pour myself another strong rum and coke and begin chilling. This the part in the night where I started fearing for my life.
While I was chilling some more navy friends of Darin had arived. I was walking around trying to find Sean. I walk into the kitchen and ask where he was, the conversation that almost ended me when something like this:
Dave: do you guys know where sean is?
Navy bro #1: I think he went outside...
Dave: oh word!
Navy bro #2: so sean tell you stories about when he was in Iraq?
Dave: yeah.... so wait, you guys, seriously... how many babies have you killed?
Don't ask me why I said it. I don't know. To me and Navy bros #1-4, it was halarious and I was the man. To Navy bro #5, we will call him Death, that comment was off the "what the fuck-o-meter". He was rip shit. Apparently one of his friends died about a week prior. And the fact that I was making fun of the armed forces was like me punching him in the face. As soon as I said the comment, he started yelling "what do you mean?!". I knew there was a problem when he was being held back by Navy bros #1-4. So I do what im best at, and get my ass the fuck out of that kitchen. I go back to the drink table and start snacking on chips when Death comes out of the kitchen semi being held back by Navy Bros 1 and 4 and Darin.
He keeps trying to ask my why I said the comment, while being interupted by the Navy Bros who are trying to change the subject. I manage to slip away to the couch and avoid the situation for another couple minutes. The scarest moment of my life came short after. Death got away from the Navy Bros and positioned himself right across from me about 2 feet from me. He began giving me some speach about his dead friend and how I should respect the army and some other bullshit. The scariest thing ever went a little like this:
Death: I fight to perserve your right to have your opinion, and your father's and your mother's and your sister's. But when you go and make jokes about us risking our lives and dying thats when I draw the line. I'll let it slip this time because I know your drunk, but if I hear you say one other thing. I will no hesitate to beat the fuck out of you. I WILL MESS YOU UP.
David: [shits his panties]
Death: are we cool?
David: hell yea...
After that I kept seeing him give me death stares. I was still unclear about where Sean had gone. I asked around and was told that he was outside. I go outside and I really can't see very straight. I see two fimilar figures and guess that it was these two girls I know Rena and Kaily. It was and I was suprised. I invite them into the party and make them extreamly strong cozmos. Bitches don't know a good drink when its made. Sean came back and told me that I didn't have to be scared about Death. Sean informed me that the kid was a die hard navy guy and Sean had my back if shit started. Having a marine for your best friend has its definate perks.
Darin comes in asking if anyone wants food from Keli-Deli. Anyone that knows me, knows that im a sucker for free food, regardless. This is one of the parts of the night that I don't remember, but i've been told this all happened. Me and Darin travel to keli-deli. I apparently had a conversation with Lil' Dave outside. Then I go in with Darin and we get chicken quasodias. I was told that I knocked over a bunch of ice tea trying to get mine out of the cooler and then just walked away from it. I eat my quaso on the way back. It was amazing. We get back to the party and a bunch of random girls had shown up. I was in no mood to talk to these spesific females, so I sit on the couch and chill out.
Before I know whats going on Rena is giving me a semi-lap dance. I want the pictures from that too. Eventually I notice a lot of people are dancing infront of me. I see this really attractive girl dancing kinda close to me. Me being really drunk think im a super hero. I slap her on the ass and say "give me a lapdance baby", she responds with a face that says "no way in hell you dirty piece of shit". Apparently she doesn't like super heros. The rest of the night was spent on the couch, untill I had to pee. At this point I was so drunk that I couldn't get up to take that pee. I started freaking out, if I peed myself on Darin's Girlfriend's couch, I would never live it down. I started yelling to Sean to help me up, he thought I was joking. Paul say my distress and helped me up. I then realize that I didn't even notice he showed up. I go to the bathroom and then just sit my ass down back on the couch and watch girls dance.
It gets to the point where I can barely keep my head up, and I still can't see straight. I decide that my chances of getting laid are very low at this point in the night. I choose to leave. No one, not even me remembers me leaving. I somehow walked back here and talk to some people online. I only know I talked to people online because the messages were still up in the morning. I put the bucket next to my bed and fall into bed. Within 5 minutes the spins had set in. The spins are my warning system to get my head over a barrel or toilet, which ever is closer. In my case it was the bucket next to my bead. I turn over and instantly spew in the bucket. After that was done, I roll back over and pass out. Thats the end of the night that I almost died.
Side Note: There was prob more alchohol comsummed that I just don't remember. I know a lot more happened. When I get the pictures, i'll post them. But untill then, that was my story.
The day started with me recovering from friday night [a whole other story]. I get a call from Sean telling me that his roomate, Darin, is having a party at his girlfriends appartment because its the last weekend before he turns 21. Sean tells me that they had gone shopping and had about 20 handles of medium grade liqior. Im instantly interested. He tells me to call him back around 9 for more details.
The day is spent with me chilling not doing much because of my recovery mode situation. So I didn't get out much except at about 5:30ish for food with Big Eric. I get back to the room and take a power nap. I set my alarm for 8 so that I can wake up, shower, get dressed and bounce to the party.
I wake up at 8, did the things I planned on doing and give Sean a call. I meet up with him at his dorm at 9:15. We are held up because his other roomate Pat needed to get these 3 girls. These girls were so hot that I couldn't even get with these chicks in my dreams. We roll to the party with some gifts, orange juice, ext. We get there are there are two other navy guys there already chilling. Someone suggests we start the night off with a round of tequilla shots. This doesn't amuse me because me and tequilla aren't the best of friends. Thanks to peer pressure I do it anyways. Great way to start the night.
We realize that this party is quickly becoming a sausage fest. Me and Sean begin calling female on our cell phones. Doesn't work well, everyone was home for the weekend. We say fuck it and begin drinking. Seeing as there are bottles of vodka (dave's arch enemy), tequilla (vodka's second in command), gin (goes good with juice) and captin morgan's. So I pour myself a relativly strong rum and coke. I throw that back pretty fast.
During my first cup I remember meeting Carin, Darin's gf. We had a conversation about my hat, she clamed she had seen me before.
Carin: where do i know you?
Dave: I have no idea...
Carin: I think I saw you at a party, you were pretty drunk...
Dave: Did I slap you on the ass?
Carin: no, why?
Dave: then I wasn't drunk, or it wasnt me
She loved me. To bad it was probilly because she was pretty drunk. Mean while those really hot girls that Pat brough were taking porno style pictures. They wanted me to be in one, I need to get that picture so that you guys can know just how hot they were. They desided that they had better things to do and left with Pat to go to a bar. I don't know or care, they were the type of girls that you are just like "they are too hot". I pour myself another strong rum and coke and begin chilling. This the part in the night where I started fearing for my life.
While I was chilling some more navy friends of Darin had arived. I was walking around trying to find Sean. I walk into the kitchen and ask where he was, the conversation that almost ended me when something like this:
Dave: do you guys know where sean is?
Navy bro #1: I think he went outside...
Dave: oh word!
Navy bro #2: so sean tell you stories about when he was in Iraq?
Dave: yeah.... so wait, you guys, seriously... how many babies have you killed?
Don't ask me why I said it. I don't know. To me and Navy bros #1-4, it was halarious and I was the man. To Navy bro #5, we will call him Death, that comment was off the "what the fuck-o-meter". He was rip shit. Apparently one of his friends died about a week prior. And the fact that I was making fun of the armed forces was like me punching him in the face. As soon as I said the comment, he started yelling "what do you mean?!". I knew there was a problem when he was being held back by Navy bros #1-4. So I do what im best at, and get my ass the fuck out of that kitchen. I go back to the drink table and start snacking on chips when Death comes out of the kitchen semi being held back by Navy Bros 1 and 4 and Darin.
He keeps trying to ask my why I said the comment, while being interupted by the Navy Bros who are trying to change the subject. I manage to slip away to the couch and avoid the situation for another couple minutes. The scarest moment of my life came short after. Death got away from the Navy Bros and positioned himself right across from me about 2 feet from me. He began giving me some speach about his dead friend and how I should respect the army and some other bullshit. The scariest thing ever went a little like this:
Death: I fight to perserve your right to have your opinion, and your father's and your mother's and your sister's. But when you go and make jokes about us risking our lives and dying thats when I draw the line. I'll let it slip this time because I know your drunk, but if I hear you say one other thing. I will no hesitate to beat the fuck out of you. I WILL MESS YOU UP.
David: [shits his panties]
Death: are we cool?
David: hell yea...
After that I kept seeing him give me death stares. I was still unclear about where Sean had gone. I asked around and was told that he was outside. I go outside and I really can't see very straight. I see two fimilar figures and guess that it was these two girls I know Rena and Kaily. It was and I was suprised. I invite them into the party and make them extreamly strong cozmos. Bitches don't know a good drink when its made. Sean came back and told me that I didn't have to be scared about Death. Sean informed me that the kid was a die hard navy guy and Sean had my back if shit started. Having a marine for your best friend has its definate perks.
Darin comes in asking if anyone wants food from Keli-Deli. Anyone that knows me, knows that im a sucker for free food, regardless. This is one of the parts of the night that I don't remember, but i've been told this all happened. Me and Darin travel to keli-deli. I apparently had a conversation with Lil' Dave outside. Then I go in with Darin and we get chicken quasodias. I was told that I knocked over a bunch of ice tea trying to get mine out of the cooler and then just walked away from it. I eat my quaso on the way back. It was amazing. We get back to the party and a bunch of random girls had shown up. I was in no mood to talk to these spesific females, so I sit on the couch and chill out.
Before I know whats going on Rena is giving me a semi-lap dance. I want the pictures from that too. Eventually I notice a lot of people are dancing infront of me. I see this really attractive girl dancing kinda close to me. Me being really drunk think im a super hero. I slap her on the ass and say "give me a lapdance baby", she responds with a face that says "no way in hell you dirty piece of shit". Apparently she doesn't like super heros. The rest of the night was spent on the couch, untill I had to pee. At this point I was so drunk that I couldn't get up to take that pee. I started freaking out, if I peed myself on Darin's Girlfriend's couch, I would never live it down. I started yelling to Sean to help me up, he thought I was joking. Paul say my distress and helped me up. I then realize that I didn't even notice he showed up. I go to the bathroom and then just sit my ass down back on the couch and watch girls dance.
It gets to the point where I can barely keep my head up, and I still can't see straight. I decide that my chances of getting laid are very low at this point in the night. I choose to leave. No one, not even me remembers me leaving. I somehow walked back here and talk to some people online. I only know I talked to people online because the messages were still up in the morning. I put the bucket next to my bed and fall into bed. Within 5 minutes the spins had set in. The spins are my warning system to get my head over a barrel or toilet, which ever is closer. In my case it was the bucket next to my bead. I turn over and instantly spew in the bucket. After that was done, I roll back over and pass out. Thats the end of the night that I almost died.
Side Note: There was prob more alchohol comsummed that I just don't remember. I know a lot more happened. When I get the pictures, i'll post them. But untill then, that was my story.