lifeeeeeeeeeeeeee
it's may 1st. ive waited for may since september. this is the month that goes by the fastest without vacation time. graduation is so close to me, and ive never been so excited, but so scared at the same time. being in school since i was 3, so weird haha. i can honestly say, high school changed everything. the people i hung out with, my point of view, opinions, look, everything. sure the drama is something i wont miss because it's always the same bullshit and over the dumbest things humanly possible. i sometimes wish people could just realize how stupid they're making themselves look and just learn to relax. but it's the people ive grown up with [no matter how much i say i hate my student body, i dont] the people that ive known since elementary school, the people ive been seeing everyday for the last 14 years.
ever since the end of 10th grade, i didnt think id graduate or make it. i didnt think i wouldve made it this far in my life. i always thought i wasnt going to be here because i was so miserable and thats what i wanted. i didnt think i could make it without emma, but with her being gone for almost 2 years, i realize how strong ive become. how selfish of anyone to take your own life. but i understand now that she did what she had to do, there was no stopping her, and she's happy now, and im okay with that. im okay with knowing that im not going to see my best friend of 12 years everyday, im not going to see her graduate and get old with me.
i have kristen, she's my other half, she's the one person ive trusted my life with, and have gone running back to more times than i can count or remember. id give my life to her in a heartbeat. growing up with her, and sharing the same experiences, is something i will always treasure. she's given me so much over the past years that we've rekindled our friendship that left in 2nd grade.
ive changed a lot; physically, mentally, dress &stuff hahah, and emotionally. i wouldnt take back any of my "mistakes or regrets" because they've made me who i am today. and well, if you dont like me, i dont care. i have friends in my life that like me for me and dont care about what ive done or any of that. they're here because we share something that i can hands down say is the best thing ever, and that's friendship. i wouldnt change anything. i like me, im happy. and ive never been able to say that because ive been depressed for as long as i can remember. self-concious still and minorly low self esteem but im getting better.
having the lose of 2 amazing girls in my life in less than a year tore me apart. i didnt realize how precious life is, and that if you want, you have the ability to change your environment and the people you hang out with/talk to.
ive never in my life wanted to go back in time so bad, but skip ahead to the future.
im anticipating graduation even more everyday i think about it.
but to be honest, ive never been more happier to be alive.
[kristen, lucy, amanda, emma finn]
i owe you girls the world <3
&i want someone for my own, someone who's all mine and will always make me smile.