mya_baby319
in
__vam
"I Will Be the End of You" (Oneshot)
Long time, no see, Vamsters. This is just a short, little oneshot that came to me about Helldone, night two. Hope you enjoy!
Title: I Will Be the End of You
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Bam comes back after all these years.
Disclaimer: Never happend (that we know of). Don't own. Don't sue.
He looked so good. His hair was long again but he still hid it under that hat. Those hats, they sculpted his face and I could see those hollow cheeks. The shoes were new, I’ve never seen him wear boots like that but damn, they still looked good. He had a few new tattoos since last time and shit did I want to find them all and…
“Hey, Willa,” I hugged and backed away, feeling a bit nervous after so long. “How you been?”
“Busy. How’s your drunken haze?” His voice was still the same, deep and velvet. I tried not to shudder.
“Just grand!” I tried to give him my dorky smile but he wasn’t buying it. He rolled his eyes and went to the couch, reaching for his carton of fags and lit up. “I thought you quit.”
“I did,” he blew the smoke in my direction with a grin.
I raised an eyebrow and sat on the other end of the couch, “for old time sake?” He smiled and handed me a cigarette and tossed me the lighter.
“Sure, Bam,” he mumbled and I stopped. Bam? Just, Bam? No, Bammie? No, Bam Bam? I’m just…Bam, now..?
I tried not to overthink it and sucked in deep, nearly choking on the brand I haven’t smoked in years. I just watched him for a while after that. He sat, still and silent, just smoking and staring into the distance. I couldn’t help watch the smoke fall from those pink lips and missed them. I wanted so badly to jump across the room and attack those lips.
“So…” I tried to distract my thoughts, “I’ve been keeping up with your music, still.”
He nodded.
“It’s not bad,” I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to smile again.
“Gee, thanks,” he huffed and tried to smile with me, putting the cigarette up to his lips again. His eyes darted to the tattoo on my arm. “Miss me?”
“W-what?” I stuttered, swallowing hard again.
“When did you get that one done?” he scooted over on the couch and reached across to me and traced over my skin.
“O-oh.” I felt ashamed. I knew I should have fucking worn long sleeves. “A while ago, I guess.”
“How long is a while ago?” he was staring to play with me, now. Dammit, Ville, don’t do this to me now.
“I don’t know. A while ago!” I was starting to lose it. He was so close and his hands on my skin again felt so good, I could hardly stand it. “Why?” I jumped from the couch and started to pace.
“Just wondering,” he trailed off and lit up another one. Again, I watched the smoke fall.
“Shit,” I huffed under my breath and felt the sweating start. “Want a drink?”
He just looked up at me. “You know I don’t drink anymore, Bam.”
There it was again. Bam. “Just one? For old time sa-”
“I told you that I’m never drinking with you again, remember!?” he snapped and his voice cracked. It chilled me to the bone. I stood frozen in his living room and watching him storm to the kitchen, returning what seemed like hours later with a can of Coke and another cigarette in his mouth.
“So you’re just gonna smoke yourself to death?” I whimpered. I felt the salt hit my eyes and tried to blink them away. Don’t you dare cry.
“At least I can control what I do when I smoke. I can’t feel a damn thing with that whiskey.” He cracked open the can I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away before he saw and turned away from him. He didn’t feel a thing…?
“Bam, don’t cry,” he sounded more annoyed than concerned.
“I’m not crying! You’re not worth it,” I lied and wiped another tear from my dirty cheek.
“Is that why I’m inked on your skin, Bammie?” The dam broke and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. That name from his lips in that voice, I missed it so much. Just to hear him say my name like that…
“Sorry if I missed my best friend!” I nearly screamed. After losing Ville and then losing Dunn I couldn’t take much of anything anymore. The bitches come and go and they never make me feel like they did, like they do.
“Bammie…” I heard him whisper again and my heart skipped as I heard him stand from the couch. I heard those boots on the dirty carpet and come closer and I soon felt his arms around me. I collapsed.
His weight fell on top of me as I cried in his arms, like I’ve done so many pathetic times before and he just held me. Those arms around my shoulders and that stubble I felt on my face and we were back to where we ended.
“Don’t think I haven’t missed you, babe,” his hot breath on my neck gave me chills and made me love and hate him even more.
“Fuck, Ville!” I fought my way out of his grip and tried to stand, only to fall back into a chair. “Don’t do that!”
“Do what?” Now he was the one that was helpless. His eyes were full of sorrow and I could see that he really was sorry. “I did miss you.”
“Don’t touch me!” I pushed his hand off my knee and found enough balance to pull myself into the chair. I covered my eyes. I couldn’t look at him.
“Well, fuck to you, too!” he shouted and I heard him stand and start to pace.
“What the fuck did I do?!” Now I was confused. A minute ago I was the one falling apart and now it was him. I could feel the outburst coming.
“You show up here after how many years and just expect to pick up where we left off before…” he paused and caught his breath, “and now you’re crying all over my house and whining and complaining like you always do and then when I try to help you push me away!”
I curled up in my chair and waited for the second round. “Either have me or leave me the fuck alone! I’m fucking sick of playing these stupid little games!”
I fell into the couch with my face in my hands. How could he do this to me? I was finally starting to forget, finally getting to the point where I could go nearly a week without thinking about him and he just shows up like this, bringing up all this old shit. Well, fuck him.
I shook my head and fought the tightness in my chest. Don’t fucking spaz out now, Ville. “We’re not twenty anymore, Bammie,” I let his name linger on my tongue, missing it slip from my lips. “We can’t keep going back and forth like this.”
He sat in that chair like he’s done so many times before, scared shitless and still, like a little kid who just got yelled at for writing on the walls. I blinked away a tear and hated him for making me do this again.
“I know, Willa,” he sputtered, words filled with sadness and frustration. Willa…Lord, how I missed it. “I know we can’t keep doing this but I can’t…” he trailed off and slapped his dirty hands to his eyes. His shoulders shook trying to fight back tears and I did the same. I watched him and I wanted so badly to jump across the room and hold him, wrap my arms around him and just be.
“I need you to make up your mind, Bam,” I started, “I have a show tonight, I can’t deal with this shit right now.” I stood and took my Coke in hand and started for the stairs. “I’m gonna go get ready and I have to go. If you want to stay tonight, fine but by morning, if you’re still here…”
I watched him shake his head in understanding and I pulled myself up the stairs. I changed my shirt with no question to why it was so short all of a sudden. I pulled a different hat over my head and made sure I had everything for later. I jammed everything in my bag and trudged back down the stairs to find him curled up on the couch and silent. I walked past him to the door and took one last hopeful look over my shoulder.
I suck tonight. I can’t hit any right notes, I keep forgetting the words and I feel like back in the day when I was wasted on stage. I was losing my mind. I can’t believe I screamed at Mige, like that. I can’t believe I yelled at the crowd like that. I feel so bad that I want to give everyone their money back for that shit and I feel even worse for lying like I did when I was asked why, later. I blamed it on the drinking that I wasn’t doing and the butterflies in my stomach instead of the crying thing on my couch.
I tried to keep it together long enough to make it back to the house without falling apart. I unlocked the door and opened it to darkness. It was silent and peaceful and unnerving. He’s gone, I know he is. He’d never stay, what the fuck was I thinking?
I slammed the door behind me and threw my things on the floor, throwing the biggest tantrum in a long while.
“Fuck, Ville. You stupid, fuck. What’d you think, he was actually gonna stay? Stupid…” I beat myself with my words and rummaged to the back of the fridge for the beer I had been saving for a time like this. A time when the smoking didn’t work and the feeling sorry for myself got old. I popped the tab and forced myself to take my time with it. I leaned against the counter and took small sips, fighting the urge to just down the damn thing like a bottle of water and walk down the street to get something stronger.
“Just enjoy it while you can, Ville,” I sipped and set the can on the counter. I rubbed at the soreness in my neck and closed my eyes, hating myself for imaging it to be Bam’s hand on me. It’s sick how much I missed him. It’s sick for wanting nothing more than for him to be upstairs in my bed, all curled up with my pillows and waiting for me like he used to. It’s just sick.
I sighed and felt a churn in my stomach, “Fuck it,” I mumbled and downed the rest. I tossed the can and stumbled back up the stairs, hesitating at the door. I took a deep breath and slowly pushed, my eyes making their way to the unmade bed. Even in the dark, I know he’s here. I could feel it. I cursed myself again for smiling and threw my clothes on the floor, nearly tripping on what seemed to be his shirt and dirty shoes.
I pulled back the covers and heard him sigh, making me freeze and come alive simultaneously. I hated myself for wanting him right now. The shit he’s put me through and all I can think about is fucking him silly. I shook my head and rubbed at my eyes, crawling beside him and laying as still as I could. I don’t even think I’m breathing right now. I don’t want to wake him up. But I want to feel him…
I reached out carefully and heard him sigh slightly when I took a curl in my fingers. My eyes shudders sickly at how soft they were. Lord, I missed him. I scooted a little closer and leaned to smell his dirty hair, shuddering again. I barely brushed his cheek with my nose when he stirred and rolled to me. Even in the dark, I could see those blue eyes.
“What are you doing?” he mumbled, half asleep and still puffy-eyed.
“Apologizing for being a bastard,” I cupped that baby face and leaned down to feel what I had longed for, for years.
“Ville, don’t!” he stopped me and pushed me away, sleepily. My heart stopped.
“W-what?” I could feel the tears and the hate and the frustration start to build up again. Fuck.
“I just,” he whispered and pulled me into his chest, wrapping that strong arm around a confused me. I laid there for a moment trying to figure out what just happened. Isn’t this what he came here for in the first place? Isn’t this why he was crying on my floor mere hours ago and now…?
I rolled over, turning away from him disgusted with myself, yet again. Is it too late to head down the street?
“What’s the matter?” he rolled to me and put a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“Please, don’t touch me,” I wept. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’ll die if you touch me.”
“Willa,” he cried and placed his lips against my neck, making me feel like we were kids again. “I want to touch you, silly willy.” I heard him laugh in my ear and I felt my heart stop again. I felt his thumb wipe away a tear from my cheek and he turned me to him.
“Bammie,” I whispered and let him hover over my lips, “you are the most confusing piece of shit I’ve ever loved.”
He laughed and grazed my lips with his tongue. “Love you, too.”
Title: I Will Be the End of You
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Bam comes back after all these years.
Disclaimer: Never happend (that we know of). Don't own. Don't sue.
He looked so good. His hair was long again but he still hid it under that hat. Those hats, they sculpted his face and I could see those hollow cheeks. The shoes were new, I’ve never seen him wear boots like that but damn, they still looked good. He had a few new tattoos since last time and shit did I want to find them all and…
“Hey, Willa,” I hugged and backed away, feeling a bit nervous after so long. “How you been?”
“Busy. How’s your drunken haze?” His voice was still the same, deep and velvet. I tried not to shudder.
“Just grand!” I tried to give him my dorky smile but he wasn’t buying it. He rolled his eyes and went to the couch, reaching for his carton of fags and lit up. “I thought you quit.”
“I did,” he blew the smoke in my direction with a grin.
I raised an eyebrow and sat on the other end of the couch, “for old time sake?” He smiled and handed me a cigarette and tossed me the lighter.
“Sure, Bam,” he mumbled and I stopped. Bam? Just, Bam? No, Bammie? No, Bam Bam? I’m just…Bam, now..?
I tried not to overthink it and sucked in deep, nearly choking on the brand I haven’t smoked in years. I just watched him for a while after that. He sat, still and silent, just smoking and staring into the distance. I couldn’t help watch the smoke fall from those pink lips and missed them. I wanted so badly to jump across the room and attack those lips.
“So…” I tried to distract my thoughts, “I’ve been keeping up with your music, still.”
He nodded.
“It’s not bad,” I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to smile again.
“Gee, thanks,” he huffed and tried to smile with me, putting the cigarette up to his lips again. His eyes darted to the tattoo on my arm. “Miss me?”
“W-what?” I stuttered, swallowing hard again.
“When did you get that one done?” he scooted over on the couch and reached across to me and traced over my skin.
“O-oh.” I felt ashamed. I knew I should have fucking worn long sleeves. “A while ago, I guess.”
“How long is a while ago?” he was staring to play with me, now. Dammit, Ville, don’t do this to me now.
“I don’t know. A while ago!” I was starting to lose it. He was so close and his hands on my skin again felt so good, I could hardly stand it. “Why?” I jumped from the couch and started to pace.
“Just wondering,” he trailed off and lit up another one. Again, I watched the smoke fall.
“Shit,” I huffed under my breath and felt the sweating start. “Want a drink?”
He just looked up at me. “You know I don’t drink anymore, Bam.”
There it was again. Bam. “Just one? For old time sa-”
“I told you that I’m never drinking with you again, remember!?” he snapped and his voice cracked. It chilled me to the bone. I stood frozen in his living room and watching him storm to the kitchen, returning what seemed like hours later with a can of Coke and another cigarette in his mouth.
“So you’re just gonna smoke yourself to death?” I whimpered. I felt the salt hit my eyes and tried to blink them away. Don’t you dare cry.
“At least I can control what I do when I smoke. I can’t feel a damn thing with that whiskey.” He cracked open the can I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away before he saw and turned away from him. He didn’t feel a thing…?
“Bam, don’t cry,” he sounded more annoyed than concerned.
“I’m not crying! You’re not worth it,” I lied and wiped another tear from my dirty cheek.
“Is that why I’m inked on your skin, Bammie?” The dam broke and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. That name from his lips in that voice, I missed it so much. Just to hear him say my name like that…
“Sorry if I missed my best friend!” I nearly screamed. After losing Ville and then losing Dunn I couldn’t take much of anything anymore. The bitches come and go and they never make me feel like they did, like they do.
“Bammie…” I heard him whisper again and my heart skipped as I heard him stand from the couch. I heard those boots on the dirty carpet and come closer and I soon felt his arms around me. I collapsed.
His weight fell on top of me as I cried in his arms, like I’ve done so many pathetic times before and he just held me. Those arms around my shoulders and that stubble I felt on my face and we were back to where we ended.
“Don’t think I haven’t missed you, babe,” his hot breath on my neck gave me chills and made me love and hate him even more.
“Fuck, Ville!” I fought my way out of his grip and tried to stand, only to fall back into a chair. “Don’t do that!”
“Do what?” Now he was the one that was helpless. His eyes were full of sorrow and I could see that he really was sorry. “I did miss you.”
“Don’t touch me!” I pushed his hand off my knee and found enough balance to pull myself into the chair. I covered my eyes. I couldn’t look at him.
“Well, fuck to you, too!” he shouted and I heard him stand and start to pace.
“What the fuck did I do?!” Now I was confused. A minute ago I was the one falling apart and now it was him. I could feel the outburst coming.
“You show up here after how many years and just expect to pick up where we left off before…” he paused and caught his breath, “and now you’re crying all over my house and whining and complaining like you always do and then when I try to help you push me away!”
I curled up in my chair and waited for the second round. “Either have me or leave me the fuck alone! I’m fucking sick of playing these stupid little games!”
I fell into the couch with my face in my hands. How could he do this to me? I was finally starting to forget, finally getting to the point where I could go nearly a week without thinking about him and he just shows up like this, bringing up all this old shit. Well, fuck him.
I shook my head and fought the tightness in my chest. Don’t fucking spaz out now, Ville. “We’re not twenty anymore, Bammie,” I let his name linger on my tongue, missing it slip from my lips. “We can’t keep going back and forth like this.”
He sat in that chair like he’s done so many times before, scared shitless and still, like a little kid who just got yelled at for writing on the walls. I blinked away a tear and hated him for making me do this again.
“I know, Willa,” he sputtered, words filled with sadness and frustration. Willa…Lord, how I missed it. “I know we can’t keep doing this but I can’t…” he trailed off and slapped his dirty hands to his eyes. His shoulders shook trying to fight back tears and I did the same. I watched him and I wanted so badly to jump across the room and hold him, wrap my arms around him and just be.
“I need you to make up your mind, Bam,” I started, “I have a show tonight, I can’t deal with this shit right now.” I stood and took my Coke in hand and started for the stairs. “I’m gonna go get ready and I have to go. If you want to stay tonight, fine but by morning, if you’re still here…”
I watched him shake his head in understanding and I pulled myself up the stairs. I changed my shirt with no question to why it was so short all of a sudden. I pulled a different hat over my head and made sure I had everything for later. I jammed everything in my bag and trudged back down the stairs to find him curled up on the couch and silent. I walked past him to the door and took one last hopeful look over my shoulder.
I suck tonight. I can’t hit any right notes, I keep forgetting the words and I feel like back in the day when I was wasted on stage. I was losing my mind. I can’t believe I screamed at Mige, like that. I can’t believe I yelled at the crowd like that. I feel so bad that I want to give everyone their money back for that shit and I feel even worse for lying like I did when I was asked why, later. I blamed it on the drinking that I wasn’t doing and the butterflies in my stomach instead of the crying thing on my couch.
I tried to keep it together long enough to make it back to the house without falling apart. I unlocked the door and opened it to darkness. It was silent and peaceful and unnerving. He’s gone, I know he is. He’d never stay, what the fuck was I thinking?
I slammed the door behind me and threw my things on the floor, throwing the biggest tantrum in a long while.
“Fuck, Ville. You stupid, fuck. What’d you think, he was actually gonna stay? Stupid…” I beat myself with my words and rummaged to the back of the fridge for the beer I had been saving for a time like this. A time when the smoking didn’t work and the feeling sorry for myself got old. I popped the tab and forced myself to take my time with it. I leaned against the counter and took small sips, fighting the urge to just down the damn thing like a bottle of water and walk down the street to get something stronger.
“Just enjoy it while you can, Ville,” I sipped and set the can on the counter. I rubbed at the soreness in my neck and closed my eyes, hating myself for imaging it to be Bam’s hand on me. It’s sick how much I missed him. It’s sick for wanting nothing more than for him to be upstairs in my bed, all curled up with my pillows and waiting for me like he used to. It’s just sick.
I sighed and felt a churn in my stomach, “Fuck it,” I mumbled and downed the rest. I tossed the can and stumbled back up the stairs, hesitating at the door. I took a deep breath and slowly pushed, my eyes making their way to the unmade bed. Even in the dark, I know he’s here. I could feel it. I cursed myself again for smiling and threw my clothes on the floor, nearly tripping on what seemed to be his shirt and dirty shoes.
I pulled back the covers and heard him sigh, making me freeze and come alive simultaneously. I hated myself for wanting him right now. The shit he’s put me through and all I can think about is fucking him silly. I shook my head and rubbed at my eyes, crawling beside him and laying as still as I could. I don’t even think I’m breathing right now. I don’t want to wake him up. But I want to feel him…
I reached out carefully and heard him sigh slightly when I took a curl in my fingers. My eyes shudders sickly at how soft they were. Lord, I missed him. I scooted a little closer and leaned to smell his dirty hair, shuddering again. I barely brushed his cheek with my nose when he stirred and rolled to me. Even in the dark, I could see those blue eyes.
“What are you doing?” he mumbled, half asleep and still puffy-eyed.
“Apologizing for being a bastard,” I cupped that baby face and leaned down to feel what I had longed for, for years.
“Ville, don’t!” he stopped me and pushed me away, sleepily. My heart stopped.
“W-what?” I could feel the tears and the hate and the frustration start to build up again. Fuck.
“I just,” he whispered and pulled me into his chest, wrapping that strong arm around a confused me. I laid there for a moment trying to figure out what just happened. Isn’t this what he came here for in the first place? Isn’t this why he was crying on my floor mere hours ago and now…?
I rolled over, turning away from him disgusted with myself, yet again. Is it too late to head down the street?
“What’s the matter?” he rolled to me and put a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“Please, don’t touch me,” I wept. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’ll die if you touch me.”
“Willa,” he cried and placed his lips against my neck, making me feel like we were kids again. “I want to touch you, silly willy.” I heard him laugh in my ear and I felt my heart stop again. I felt his thumb wipe away a tear from my cheek and he turned me to him.
“Bammie,” I whispered and let him hover over my lips, “you are the most confusing piece of shit I’ve ever loved.”
He laughed and grazed my lips with his tongue. “Love you, too.”