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Thanks for the nice comments guys, here's Chapter Two. I don't get these US ratings (I'm english) but there's nothing too out there in this so...
Please comment and give feedback, thanks. :)
Chapter One
-Ville-
I walked. For hours, I didn't really keep track of the time. My headache didn't let up one bit and I just seemed to feel worse the more I thought about Bam, Jenn, us, him touring here, everything. I just wish for once things could go to plan. I'm a walking screwup, emotionally retarded and just plain stupid.
I need a drink...s (plural).
----
-Bam-
"Look, Jenn, seriously, I'm worried about him. He does the disappearing act when somethings up, it's an attention thing, it's just not like him to go somewhere alone and not tell anyone". I wailed. Yes, I was freaking out. Jenn and I slept for what can't have been more than an hour and I get up to talk to him, maybe to even discuss what the problem has been recently, and he's gone. I'm just scared something serious is up and he hasn't told me. Because this last visit, he's been a wreck.
"Babe, he'll be fine. He's a big boy." Jenn said, rolling her eyes. I was beginning to feel really exasperated, she just didn't understand.
"Jenn, you don't know him, he's....fragile." I said, to which Jenn glared and held her hands on her hips accusingly.
"No, he's weak. He needs to stop pining for you and grow the fuck up! Ville is a fucking freak sometimes, it isn't your responsibility to look after him Bammie" she said with venom. Obviously, there was more to this comment than was said, but I didn't want to go there.
I just stared at her. "Don't. Call. Me. Bammie." I grabbed the keys and left. Ville calls me Bammie. Ville thinks it's funny to give people nicknames. He thinks it's cute. It is cute. She fucking knows how close we are, she probably even knows that I worship the ground he walks on, maybe she's jealous. I didn't care at that moment, I was going to find out what his bloody problem was. I heard her screaming and shouting as I got in Lily's Hummer and dialled his number on the cell.
"Ville? Where are you?"
----
-Ville-
"At a bar, why do you care?" I slurred. I was so not in the mood for him to call me. Must have been in this little jazz club for hours now. I love it because nobody recognises me here. So I can sit and have a drink, and even dance if I want to (ha, me dance).
"Of course I care Vil, what's going on? Where are you, you sound drunk, I'll bring you home" Bam said, obviously pretty worried.
"I'm. Fine. Here." Leave me alone. Of all the people, I certainly don't want to have this conversation with you right now" I stammered and hung up. Completely shaken up, I did what I always do when things get tough...get another drink.
And another. And another.....
Damnit. The phone is ringing again. "Fuck off will you Brandon." I spat.
It was Mige. "Hey, Ville where are you? Are you alright? You're freaking us all out a little." I relaxed a little, glad it wasn't Bam, because I sure as hell hadn't had enough alcohol to be having that converstion.
"I just want to be on my own for a while" I said quietly, feeling a little excessive.
"Okay then. If you need me, I'm here okay hon? And I mean, I figure this has something to do with Bam -" I frowned.
"Why would it? What did he say?" I asked alarmed. How dare he have the audacity to assume it's him? Well, because it is, the logical part of my brain is thinking but I am pretty pissed off still.
"No no, he said nothing, I just figured. I know you guys are....close. Close in a different way to us. Ville, we're just worried that's all." I didn't really know what to say, for the first time in my life. Whatever I thought of saying, it didn't really make sense in my head. So I just hung up, and for safety measures, turned off the damn phone.
----
-Bam-
I know where he's gone. How did I not realise it straight away? I drove straight to Jessabelle's, a small club outside of town that we stumbled upon years before.
I saw him instantly, he stood out like a sore thumb. There he was, in low slung jeans, a black tight top which showed off his arm piece, his hair had a mind of its own, and he hadn't washed the make up off from last night. He was drunk, and in a bit of a mess, but still the most beautiful thing in the room.
"Ville?" I said, gently resting my hand on his shoulder. He turned around, and I could tell he'd been crying, like he'd ever admit that.
Immediately, he stood up and walked away from me. "Get lost Bam, I wanted to be alone, you knew that, so what, you dragged your ass for what? For me to lose my temper with you?" he exploded at me. I didn't understand why he was so hurt that I gave a damn.
"I'm trying to take care of you, Ville, why can't you let me?"
----
-Ville-
I couldn't believe what I was hearing here. I turned on my heel so my face was very close to his. "I don't need YOU to take care of me." I stumbled away, grasping one of the bar stools as I tried to walk out of the club.
"Ville, come on! You're acting like a drunk, you ARE a drunk, this is fucking ridiculous!" he shouted after me. "What the fuck have I ever done to you?" He grabbed me by the arm and spun me round, holding my shoulders stiffly with his hands. The musles in my upper body stiffened and I couldn't look at him in the eye because I was sure he'd be able to see into my soul and realise what was bothering me. I'd never really heard him shout at me, he seemed really disappointed. "Hmm? What have I done?" he asked again, this time a little softer. He brushed the hair from my face, with a softness I'd only imagined in my dreams.
"You...I...I don't know. I mean, you haven't, you haven't done anything. I have. Or haven't. Oh, I don't know what I'm saying anymore" I was getting more and more irritated with myself, and was willing for him to let it be. He lifted my chin up so his eyes met mine. For fear of breaking down, I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. "I'm not ready for this."
What was going on? Why was he being so gentle, so kind? This isn't the jokey friend of mine, this is a softer side, a side I've longed attention from but never received. Why, why now? Are you tormenting me God? Because if you are, it's fucking driving me insane.
"We need to talk about whatever is bothering you" he said sternly, and he cupped my face with his hands. His face was so close, I could feel his warm breath on my face. Inhale. Exhale. I breathed him in, for what seemed like an eternity. And I opened my eyes, there he was. Those big blue eyes staring back at me.
"I'm...sorry for being drunk and stupid." I managed to whisper. He smiled and chuckled. "Well, you're often drunk. And stupid." I succeeded with a smile. And we both began to laugh. This was a great thing about us. No matter what the situation was, and we'd both been to hell and back the last few years, we could always make time to laugh.
He grinned and grabbed my hand, which was completely normal for us to do, but this time his palms felt sweaty and we both looked at each other at the same time. The silence was full of tension, he must have thought the same because he cleared his throat, as if that helped in some bizarre way.
"Seriously Vil, you're everything to me, I don't want you to hurt yourself; mentally, physically. And something is really bothering you."
"Everything to you?" I frowned, stopping in my tracks. Please god, don't be toying with my feelings again, I'm not a strong person, I can't cope with pain well.
----
-Bam-
"Well...yes." I said, blushing. Oh god, why did I say that?
"What do you mean by that?" he asked, puzzled. He gripped my hand tighter.
"I....oh god, Ville, you know that I've always had..."
"...had?" Did he seem eager or was he being sarcastic? I could never quite tell.
"Feelings. For you." Oh my god, why can I never keep my mouth shut.
"You. Have feelings for me?" he said. Now, I feel really stupid, he's totally winding me up. What am I doing? I have Jenn, April and Ryan would hate me. I'm not a faggot am I. No, I just have a really good friend. That's all it is. Oh christ, what am I doing to myself? He's going to think I'm so fucking lame.
----
-Ville-
I think I've stopped breathing. I can hardly believe we're having this conversation. Now. Here.
I'm standing here like a dork with my mouth wide open probably looking like a complete fuckwit. But I don't know what to say. I just feel so...high.
"What I mean is..." Bam began to speak, and I half smiled, god I loved listening to him speak. His voice sounded like the sweetest poetry I could possibly hear. "I know what you mean, and of course, it's the same for me."
"...as a friend" he said at the exact same time. I stopped. What? What as a friend? He has feelings for me...as a friend?
"You either have feelings or you don't. Don't fuck around Brandon." I stepped away from him, and folded my arms across my chest, like I now had armour around my heart that he couldn't shatter. Again.
Silence. I frowned. "Whatever, I don't have the fucking energy or mentality for this. I'm gonna go now."
"Ville, no, wait. I didn't mean..." I wasn't going to turn back. No. He wasn't going to break me down. But honestly, he already has. I turned around, my eyes stinging, desperate to bleed new tears.
"You know what Bam... What the FUCK is going on in your head? You have no idea do you? Well I'll make this easier for you okay?" Oh god, why was I doing this? No turning back now.
"I love you. I always have fucking loved you and I always will. And I know that you love me, and I KNOW that you want to kiss me right now and if you have any balls you'll come over and do just that because I'm sick of waiting. I'm sick of feeling like this and I won't let you do this anymore."
I waited. It began to rain. He said nothing, he just stared at me with no expression. I walked away, tears flowing freely down my face. For once, I didn't care.
----
-Bam-
What have I done? I stood, frozen on that spot for a moment. More than a moment. Just watching him walk away from me. Walk out of my life forever, not leaving a trace behind.
Life would be easier without him. It would be so much more predictable. I'm sure I'd be happy. I am happy. Aren't I? Oh god, why am I being so damn analytical?
What I love about my life; is the fun, the danger, the amusement. None of that would exist without Ville. He IS my laughter, my enjoyment, my soul. So why the fuck am I still stood here?
I got in the car and drove, he couldn't have got far. The rain got heavier, making it more difficult to see where he was. But I saw him.
"Ville." I started, breathless. "I love you, Ville. I'm sorry. There's so much I need to say -" he placed his finger over my lips. "Sssh. I need no more." he told me, his voice soft and calm as a whisper. He pulled me closer to him, and placed his hands on the small of my back, pulling my top up so he could grip my skin. His fingers were icy cold and just his touch made me flinch.
The rain had soaked us both through, and his t-shirt was stuck to his body, so much so I could trace the outline of his ribcage, which made him have a sharp intake of breath. Pressing my body against his, I grazed his lips with mine, so gently I could barely taste the rain on his pale skin, but I did feel him shiver. I couldn't take it any longer. My fingers intertwined in his long, saturated hair and kissed him deep, hard, with great urgency. He kissed back, our tongues darting in and out of our mouths, like a game of cat and mouse.
"Oh my god, let me have you" Ville moaned, kissing my jawline and neck. His hands moved up and down my back, oh god. I really wanted him. I kissed him again, with so much desire and hunger I thought I'd explode.
"Ville, we should get back, people will be concerned." I tried to reason, and he frowned. "Jenn you mean."
We drove back to the tourbus in silence, I tried to reach for his hand but he stared right ahead. "Home sweet home" I sniggered when we arrived back. He didn't say anything.
"Ville, I love you, please..." I pleaded with him, desperate for us not to argue, grasping onto his hand. He turned to me and half-smiled, with his faraway look in his eyes.
"You don't need to explain, I shouldn't have expected anything to come of this. Forget it happened...forget me." He said, so quiet I could barely hear him. And then he walked away from me again. When did life get so goddamn complicated?
~ Okay, the very ending is kinda...off. I don't know how it went from happyhappyjoyjoy to sad in one quick swoop. *shrugs*
~ Thanks to heartbeatdrop and cheerlessbeauty for beta-ing...for some reason, I made a fuckload of mistakes in this one bwahaha. :| It was late, thus am let off :P
Please comment and give feedback, thanks. :)
Chapter One
-Ville-
I walked. For hours, I didn't really keep track of the time. My headache didn't let up one bit and I just seemed to feel worse the more I thought about Bam, Jenn, us, him touring here, everything. I just wish for once things could go to plan. I'm a walking screwup, emotionally retarded and just plain stupid.
I need a drink...s (plural).
----
-Bam-
"Look, Jenn, seriously, I'm worried about him. He does the disappearing act when somethings up, it's an attention thing, it's just not like him to go somewhere alone and not tell anyone". I wailed. Yes, I was freaking out. Jenn and I slept for what can't have been more than an hour and I get up to talk to him, maybe to even discuss what the problem has been recently, and he's gone. I'm just scared something serious is up and he hasn't told me. Because this last visit, he's been a wreck.
"Babe, he'll be fine. He's a big boy." Jenn said, rolling her eyes. I was beginning to feel really exasperated, she just didn't understand.
"Jenn, you don't know him, he's....fragile." I said, to which Jenn glared and held her hands on her hips accusingly.
"No, he's weak. He needs to stop pining for you and grow the fuck up! Ville is a fucking freak sometimes, it isn't your responsibility to look after him Bammie" she said with venom. Obviously, there was more to this comment than was said, but I didn't want to go there.
I just stared at her. "Don't. Call. Me. Bammie." I grabbed the keys and left. Ville calls me Bammie. Ville thinks it's funny to give people nicknames. He thinks it's cute. It is cute. She fucking knows how close we are, she probably even knows that I worship the ground he walks on, maybe she's jealous. I didn't care at that moment, I was going to find out what his bloody problem was. I heard her screaming and shouting as I got in Lily's Hummer and dialled his number on the cell.
"Ville? Where are you?"
----
-Ville-
"At a bar, why do you care?" I slurred. I was so not in the mood for him to call me. Must have been in this little jazz club for hours now. I love it because nobody recognises me here. So I can sit and have a drink, and even dance if I want to (ha, me dance).
"Of course I care Vil, what's going on? Where are you, you sound drunk, I'll bring you home" Bam said, obviously pretty worried.
"I'm. Fine. Here." Leave me alone. Of all the people, I certainly don't want to have this conversation with you right now" I stammered and hung up. Completely shaken up, I did what I always do when things get tough...get another drink.
And another. And another.....
Damnit. The phone is ringing again. "Fuck off will you Brandon." I spat.
It was Mige. "Hey, Ville where are you? Are you alright? You're freaking us all out a little." I relaxed a little, glad it wasn't Bam, because I sure as hell hadn't had enough alcohol to be having that converstion.
"I just want to be on my own for a while" I said quietly, feeling a little excessive.
"Okay then. If you need me, I'm here okay hon? And I mean, I figure this has something to do with Bam -" I frowned.
"Why would it? What did he say?" I asked alarmed. How dare he have the audacity to assume it's him? Well, because it is, the logical part of my brain is thinking but I am pretty pissed off still.
"No no, he said nothing, I just figured. I know you guys are....close. Close in a different way to us. Ville, we're just worried that's all." I didn't really know what to say, for the first time in my life. Whatever I thought of saying, it didn't really make sense in my head. So I just hung up, and for safety measures, turned off the damn phone.
----
-Bam-
I know where he's gone. How did I not realise it straight away? I drove straight to Jessabelle's, a small club outside of town that we stumbled upon years before.
I saw him instantly, he stood out like a sore thumb. There he was, in low slung jeans, a black tight top which showed off his arm piece, his hair had a mind of its own, and he hadn't washed the make up off from last night. He was drunk, and in a bit of a mess, but still the most beautiful thing in the room.
"Ville?" I said, gently resting my hand on his shoulder. He turned around, and I could tell he'd been crying, like he'd ever admit that.
Immediately, he stood up and walked away from me. "Get lost Bam, I wanted to be alone, you knew that, so what, you dragged your ass for what? For me to lose my temper with you?" he exploded at me. I didn't understand why he was so hurt that I gave a damn.
"I'm trying to take care of you, Ville, why can't you let me?"
----
-Ville-
I couldn't believe what I was hearing here. I turned on my heel so my face was very close to his. "I don't need YOU to take care of me." I stumbled away, grasping one of the bar stools as I tried to walk out of the club.
"Ville, come on! You're acting like a drunk, you ARE a drunk, this is fucking ridiculous!" he shouted after me. "What the fuck have I ever done to you?" He grabbed me by the arm and spun me round, holding my shoulders stiffly with his hands. The musles in my upper body stiffened and I couldn't look at him in the eye because I was sure he'd be able to see into my soul and realise what was bothering me. I'd never really heard him shout at me, he seemed really disappointed. "Hmm? What have I done?" he asked again, this time a little softer. He brushed the hair from my face, with a softness I'd only imagined in my dreams.
"You...I...I don't know. I mean, you haven't, you haven't done anything. I have. Or haven't. Oh, I don't know what I'm saying anymore" I was getting more and more irritated with myself, and was willing for him to let it be. He lifted my chin up so his eyes met mine. For fear of breaking down, I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. "I'm not ready for this."
What was going on? Why was he being so gentle, so kind? This isn't the jokey friend of mine, this is a softer side, a side I've longed attention from but never received. Why, why now? Are you tormenting me God? Because if you are, it's fucking driving me insane.
"We need to talk about whatever is bothering you" he said sternly, and he cupped my face with his hands. His face was so close, I could feel his warm breath on my face. Inhale. Exhale. I breathed him in, for what seemed like an eternity. And I opened my eyes, there he was. Those big blue eyes staring back at me.
"I'm...sorry for being drunk and stupid." I managed to whisper. He smiled and chuckled. "Well, you're often drunk. And stupid." I succeeded with a smile. And we both began to laugh. This was a great thing about us. No matter what the situation was, and we'd both been to hell and back the last few years, we could always make time to laugh.
He grinned and grabbed my hand, which was completely normal for us to do, but this time his palms felt sweaty and we both looked at each other at the same time. The silence was full of tension, he must have thought the same because he cleared his throat, as if that helped in some bizarre way.
"Seriously Vil, you're everything to me, I don't want you to hurt yourself; mentally, physically. And something is really bothering you."
"Everything to you?" I frowned, stopping in my tracks. Please god, don't be toying with my feelings again, I'm not a strong person, I can't cope with pain well.
----
-Bam-
"Well...yes." I said, blushing. Oh god, why did I say that?
"What do you mean by that?" he asked, puzzled. He gripped my hand tighter.
"I....oh god, Ville, you know that I've always had..."
"...had?" Did he seem eager or was he being sarcastic? I could never quite tell.
"Feelings. For you." Oh my god, why can I never keep my mouth shut.
"You. Have feelings for me?" he said. Now, I feel really stupid, he's totally winding me up. What am I doing? I have Jenn, April and Ryan would hate me. I'm not a faggot am I. No, I just have a really good friend. That's all it is. Oh christ, what am I doing to myself? He's going to think I'm so fucking lame.
----
-Ville-
I think I've stopped breathing. I can hardly believe we're having this conversation. Now. Here.
I'm standing here like a dork with my mouth wide open probably looking like a complete fuckwit. But I don't know what to say. I just feel so...high.
"What I mean is..." Bam began to speak, and I half smiled, god I loved listening to him speak. His voice sounded like the sweetest poetry I could possibly hear. "I know what you mean, and of course, it's the same for me."
"...as a friend" he said at the exact same time. I stopped. What? What as a friend? He has feelings for me...as a friend?
"You either have feelings or you don't. Don't fuck around Brandon." I stepped away from him, and folded my arms across my chest, like I now had armour around my heart that he couldn't shatter. Again.
Silence. I frowned. "Whatever, I don't have the fucking energy or mentality for this. I'm gonna go now."
"Ville, no, wait. I didn't mean..." I wasn't going to turn back. No. He wasn't going to break me down. But honestly, he already has. I turned around, my eyes stinging, desperate to bleed new tears.
"You know what Bam... What the FUCK is going on in your head? You have no idea do you? Well I'll make this easier for you okay?" Oh god, why was I doing this? No turning back now.
"I love you. I always have fucking loved you and I always will. And I know that you love me, and I KNOW that you want to kiss me right now and if you have any balls you'll come over and do just that because I'm sick of waiting. I'm sick of feeling like this and I won't let you do this anymore."
I waited. It began to rain. He said nothing, he just stared at me with no expression. I walked away, tears flowing freely down my face. For once, I didn't care.
----
-Bam-
What have I done? I stood, frozen on that spot for a moment. More than a moment. Just watching him walk away from me. Walk out of my life forever, not leaving a trace behind.
Life would be easier without him. It would be so much more predictable. I'm sure I'd be happy. I am happy. Aren't I? Oh god, why am I being so damn analytical?
What I love about my life; is the fun, the danger, the amusement. None of that would exist without Ville. He IS my laughter, my enjoyment, my soul. So why the fuck am I still stood here?
I got in the car and drove, he couldn't have got far. The rain got heavier, making it more difficult to see where he was. But I saw him.
"Ville." I started, breathless. "I love you, Ville. I'm sorry. There's so much I need to say -" he placed his finger over my lips. "Sssh. I need no more." he told me, his voice soft and calm as a whisper. He pulled me closer to him, and placed his hands on the small of my back, pulling my top up so he could grip my skin. His fingers were icy cold and just his touch made me flinch.
The rain had soaked us both through, and his t-shirt was stuck to his body, so much so I could trace the outline of his ribcage, which made him have a sharp intake of breath. Pressing my body against his, I grazed his lips with mine, so gently I could barely taste the rain on his pale skin, but I did feel him shiver. I couldn't take it any longer. My fingers intertwined in his long, saturated hair and kissed him deep, hard, with great urgency. He kissed back, our tongues darting in and out of our mouths, like a game of cat and mouse.
"Oh my god, let me have you" Ville moaned, kissing my jawline and neck. His hands moved up and down my back, oh god. I really wanted him. I kissed him again, with so much desire and hunger I thought I'd explode.
"Ville, we should get back, people will be concerned." I tried to reason, and he frowned. "Jenn you mean."
We drove back to the tourbus in silence, I tried to reach for his hand but he stared right ahead. "Home sweet home" I sniggered when we arrived back. He didn't say anything.
"Ville, I love you, please..." I pleaded with him, desperate for us not to argue, grasping onto his hand. He turned to me and half-smiled, with his faraway look in his eyes.
"You don't need to explain, I shouldn't have expected anything to come of this. Forget it happened...forget me." He said, so quiet I could barely hear him. And then he walked away from me again. When did life get so goddamn complicated?
~ Okay, the very ending is kinda...off. I don't know how it went from happyhappyjoyjoy to sad in one quick swoop. *shrugs*
~ Thanks to heartbeatdrop and cheerlessbeauty for beta-ing...for some reason, I made a fuckload of mistakes in this one bwahaha. :| It was late, thus am let off :P