ex_heartagr
in
__vam
NEW STORY. ( OMG I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS! )
My friend, itwaslv2me and I have decided to team up and start a long Chapter story. And definitely a bit different from you have normally read in the history of VAM. At least we think so.
So without holding back! ;)
Title: In Memory
Authors: itwaslv2me & chair_sex
Summary: “I turn the pages on the story of my life, its been by far the worst chapter I could imagine me to write; about a promise for forever, broken then put back together now its safe to say, there is no chance saving you this time, so just walk away tonight and never say goodbye.”
Disclaimer: Never happened. Everything else is Rissa and Marina’s steal it and we’ll stalk you! ;)
AN: This story takes place in the future where Ville is in his 40’s, and he goes into a memory of the past from a certain ‘script’.
We have an actual Soundtrack to this Story as well. ( Which Will Posted At Each Chapter For You! )
Prologue ( Journey through the Pink Binder )
Ville pushed aside a few sweat-shirts and peered underneath a pile of tee-shirts in his drawer. Pulling out the black fingerless gloves he was searching for, he closed the drawer and headed towards the old wooden door that lead to the attic. Opening the wrought iron latch, Ville looked up the rickety stairs. He hesitated knowing how cold it was up there. But reminding himself that he needed to find his old skateboard, he headed up.
Ville and Bam lived just outside of Helsinki. They had purchased the old stone house quite a few years ago. The house, having been built long ago, was drafty. The two men had worked on improving the insulation, except in the attic. At first, Ville had been against purchasing the old house in the countryside, preferring to actually live in the city of Helsinki itself. But, one look at how giddy it made Bam to run around the house remarking on the stone architecture and planning where he could install ramps near the wooded area, and Ville could not deny him the purchase of the house. Of course the deal breaker had been keeping their first studio in the city, but that had been an easy compromise for both of them.
Ville chuckled seeing Bam’s bright smile clearly in his mind, and he took the remaining steps two at a time. Now if only he could remember where the chest, with his old skateboard, was! Bam had planned a trip home for his brother’s birthday. He had arranged for the whole gang to meet at their old skate park. Everyone was supposed to bring their oldest board that they still had in their possession. Ville had boxed his with a guitar and some small paintings and supplies that he wasn’t using, but still wanted to keep for memory’s sake.
He found his old trunk that he had purchased when he and Bam had gone to an antique sale in Germany. His old guitar, paintings, and skateboard were all neatly placed inside and wrapped in black velvet cloth. He fingered the neck of the guitar as he removed it. He blew out his warm breath into the icy air. Damn, this attic was cold! Strumming a few out of key chords, he replaced it and pulled out the skateboard. His was all black with carved in angel wings coming from a heartagram. They were colored in with a deep crimson color.
Ville closed the latch on the trunk. “Might as well find Bam’s old board before I go back down,” he mused, not wanting to subject his lover to the temperature of the attic. Ville relocated a couple of boxes and found Bam’s antique trunk, which he had carved Element symbols and heartagrams into. Ville shook his head. He had almost fallen over the day he had come upon Bam carving into a two hundred year old trunk with a knife. But then seeing the grin of a boy in a man’s body, he smiled that fatherly knowing-smile he gave Bam from time to time and just went over and kissed his head. Bam had asked what the kiss was for. “Just because I love you, darling,” Ville answered, and he left Bam to continue to carve into the trunk with his tongue clenched between his teeth in concentration.
Running his hand over the trunk, Ville marveled at how Bam had made it so much more valuable to him by taking the hunting knife to it. Ville opened the trunk and found a whole bunch of stuff just randomly thrown in it. Sweatshirts, graphic novels, underwear, and a bunch of blue binders. Blue was Bam’s favorite color, and Ville knew from experience that what was in the binders. It was all Bam’s directorial notes from his films, videos, and documentaries. Ville sifted through a few: CKY, HIM, Haggard, and his other movies. He stopped to finger through the Sacrament video shoot and laughed at the typed line “Ville lays back on the bed singing in a sexy pose”. The word “shirtless”, with a smiley face drawn in, was written in Bam’s handwriting. Tossing that binder aside, he kept flipping through binder after binder. Dunn’s movie, TV shows, and on and on it went. And then, there amongst the blue was the skateboard. As Ville lifted it he saw peeking out one lone pink binder with his name written in black Sharpie. He traced the letters of his name with his index finger. “V-I-L-L-E” Wondering what could be written in there, he slowly opened the book to reveal slightly yellowed loose-leaf pages.
April, 14th, 2005
I don’t know why I’m deciding to write something down. Usually, I’m more secretive and just keep the things to myself but I need a way to get these feelings out. No one would ever read this, I just have to speak to someone, anyone, and so well hi diary…
Ville and I ``broke`` up. But then again I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. If you knew us you’d probably wonder how in the hell we have stayed together this far. His drinking has gotten the best of him and I refuse to be there for him when all I ever tell him is to stop. I am really sick of this feeling too because I know I am going to regret doing this. I can’t believe he picked the drinking over me. I can’t believe I let him do it. I just walked away. Jesus Christ what is wrong with me? I love him, I love him so much and I just lost him…
No. What am I saying? I love him; I love him too much to see him kill himself. I will kill myself if that means I can save him.
The last line made Ville shudder. Not knowing if he wanted to go on, because of the pain Bam seemed to be in. Ville hated more than anything to see Bam in pain, and knowing he was the cause only made it worse. This was a time that he and Bam rarely spoke of. It was a time when their love was tested more than it ever had been, and memories like that doesn’t need to be revisited often.
April 30th 2005
I’m writing again; Ville and I talked. And well he admitted he had a problem and screw my past assumptions and faith. He loves me and I since I love him more than anything as well, I am going to help him get help. The feeling of helping him and knowing that I can help really makes me more than happy inside that I will able to this.
Ville never stopped marveling about how Bam had given him so many chances. Sure there were times that Ville had been the one to give the 2nd chance, but then Bam’s issues never seemed to be as intense as Ville’s were. Glancing down at the next entry and seeing its length, Ville paused. He had a foreboding feeling that this was the start of where he and Bam had lost their way for quite a while. He didn’t wish to read it, but it was as if something larger than him compelled him to continue.
June 9th, 2005
This isn’t working. I looked back and noticed it fucking isn’t working. I can’t help him. It’s hopeless; all he wants to do is drink. He’s getting worse and worse and I’m just falling a part. There isn’t anything I can do but sit and watch him ruin his life. Sometimes I wish for just once a part of me never met him because I don’t know how much I can take watching my lover kill himself…
There is only so much I can do now, my life is falling apart. My thoughts are closing in. I have to say goodbye again. I have to let him know that the second chance is gone. I don’t even want to have to say goodbye, I just want him to walk away. And if he doesn’t walk away I will. He’s making a mistake and he’s killing me with him. I don’t want to be apart of anyone’s life.
I’ve contradicted myself if I go and look back at my previous thoughts, but there is only so much I can take, only so much I can do…
Ville closed the binder - that was enough. He never knew Bam had felt this way. He found himself falling back a bit onto the floor; he sat down Indian style and flipped the binder over where he knew he’d find the SCRIPT for the document of their life; a document taken directly from the journals that inspired them. He chuckled to himself feeling slightly better, reading right over the first line, instantly millions of thoughts flooded into his memory, the way he remembered it…
--
Feedback would be wonderful and we can't wait to start the first Chapter for you! :D
Love,
Rissa & Marina.
So without holding back! ;)
Title: In Memory
Authors: itwaslv2me & chair_sex
Summary: “I turn the pages on the story of my life, its been by far the worst chapter I could imagine me to write; about a promise for forever, broken then put back together now its safe to say, there is no chance saving you this time, so just walk away tonight and never say goodbye.”
Disclaimer: Never happened. Everything else is Rissa and Marina’s steal it and we’ll stalk you! ;)
AN: This story takes place in the future where Ville is in his 40’s, and he goes into a memory of the past from a certain ‘script’.
We have an actual Soundtrack to this Story as well. ( Which Will Posted At Each Chapter For You! )
Prologue ( Journey through the Pink Binder )
Ville pushed aside a few sweat-shirts and peered underneath a pile of tee-shirts in his drawer. Pulling out the black fingerless gloves he was searching for, he closed the drawer and headed towards the old wooden door that lead to the attic. Opening the wrought iron latch, Ville looked up the rickety stairs. He hesitated knowing how cold it was up there. But reminding himself that he needed to find his old skateboard, he headed up.
Ville and Bam lived just outside of Helsinki. They had purchased the old stone house quite a few years ago. The house, having been built long ago, was drafty. The two men had worked on improving the insulation, except in the attic. At first, Ville had been against purchasing the old house in the countryside, preferring to actually live in the city of Helsinki itself. But, one look at how giddy it made Bam to run around the house remarking on the stone architecture and planning where he could install ramps near the wooded area, and Ville could not deny him the purchase of the house. Of course the deal breaker had been keeping their first studio in the city, but that had been an easy compromise for both of them.
Ville chuckled seeing Bam’s bright smile clearly in his mind, and he took the remaining steps two at a time. Now if only he could remember where the chest, with his old skateboard, was! Bam had planned a trip home for his brother’s birthday. He had arranged for the whole gang to meet at their old skate park. Everyone was supposed to bring their oldest board that they still had in their possession. Ville had boxed his with a guitar and some small paintings and supplies that he wasn’t using, but still wanted to keep for memory’s sake.
He found his old trunk that he had purchased when he and Bam had gone to an antique sale in Germany. His old guitar, paintings, and skateboard were all neatly placed inside and wrapped in black velvet cloth. He fingered the neck of the guitar as he removed it. He blew out his warm breath into the icy air. Damn, this attic was cold! Strumming a few out of key chords, he replaced it and pulled out the skateboard. His was all black with carved in angel wings coming from a heartagram. They were colored in with a deep crimson color.
Ville closed the latch on the trunk. “Might as well find Bam’s old board before I go back down,” he mused, not wanting to subject his lover to the temperature of the attic. Ville relocated a couple of boxes and found Bam’s antique trunk, which he had carved Element symbols and heartagrams into. Ville shook his head. He had almost fallen over the day he had come upon Bam carving into a two hundred year old trunk with a knife. But then seeing the grin of a boy in a man’s body, he smiled that fatherly knowing-smile he gave Bam from time to time and just went over and kissed his head. Bam had asked what the kiss was for. “Just because I love you, darling,” Ville answered, and he left Bam to continue to carve into the trunk with his tongue clenched between his teeth in concentration.
Running his hand over the trunk, Ville marveled at how Bam had made it so much more valuable to him by taking the hunting knife to it. Ville opened the trunk and found a whole bunch of stuff just randomly thrown in it. Sweatshirts, graphic novels, underwear, and a bunch of blue binders. Blue was Bam’s favorite color, and Ville knew from experience that what was in the binders. It was all Bam’s directorial notes from his films, videos, and documentaries. Ville sifted through a few: CKY, HIM, Haggard, and his other movies. He stopped to finger through the Sacrament video shoot and laughed at the typed line “Ville lays back on the bed singing in a sexy pose”. The word “shirtless”, with a smiley face drawn in, was written in Bam’s handwriting. Tossing that binder aside, he kept flipping through binder after binder. Dunn’s movie, TV shows, and on and on it went. And then, there amongst the blue was the skateboard. As Ville lifted it he saw peeking out one lone pink binder with his name written in black Sharpie. He traced the letters of his name with his index finger. “V-I-L-L-E” Wondering what could be written in there, he slowly opened the book to reveal slightly yellowed loose-leaf pages.
April, 14th, 2005
I don’t know why I’m deciding to write something down. Usually, I’m more secretive and just keep the things to myself but I need a way to get these feelings out. No one would ever read this, I just have to speak to someone, anyone, and so well hi diary…
Ville and I ``broke`` up. But then again I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. If you knew us you’d probably wonder how in the hell we have stayed together this far. His drinking has gotten the best of him and I refuse to be there for him when all I ever tell him is to stop. I am really sick of this feeling too because I know I am going to regret doing this. I can’t believe he picked the drinking over me. I can’t believe I let him do it. I just walked away. Jesus Christ what is wrong with me? I love him, I love him so much and I just lost him…
No. What am I saying? I love him; I love him too much to see him kill himself. I will kill myself if that means I can save him.
The last line made Ville shudder. Not knowing if he wanted to go on, because of the pain Bam seemed to be in. Ville hated more than anything to see Bam in pain, and knowing he was the cause only made it worse. This was a time that he and Bam rarely spoke of. It was a time when their love was tested more than it ever had been, and memories like that doesn’t need to be revisited often.
April 30th 2005
I’m writing again; Ville and I talked. And well he admitted he had a problem and screw my past assumptions and faith. He loves me and I since I love him more than anything as well, I am going to help him get help. The feeling of helping him and knowing that I can help really makes me more than happy inside that I will able to this.
Ville never stopped marveling about how Bam had given him so many chances. Sure there were times that Ville had been the one to give the 2nd chance, but then Bam’s issues never seemed to be as intense as Ville’s were. Glancing down at the next entry and seeing its length, Ville paused. He had a foreboding feeling that this was the start of where he and Bam had lost their way for quite a while. He didn’t wish to read it, but it was as if something larger than him compelled him to continue.
June 9th, 2005
This isn’t working. I looked back and noticed it fucking isn’t working. I can’t help him. It’s hopeless; all he wants to do is drink. He’s getting worse and worse and I’m just falling a part. There isn’t anything I can do but sit and watch him ruin his life. Sometimes I wish for just once a part of me never met him because I don’t know how much I can take watching my lover kill himself…
There is only so much I can do now, my life is falling apart. My thoughts are closing in. I have to say goodbye again. I have to let him know that the second chance is gone. I don’t even want to have to say goodbye, I just want him to walk away. And if he doesn’t walk away I will. He’s making a mistake and he’s killing me with him. I don’t want to be apart of anyone’s life.
I’ve contradicted myself if I go and look back at my previous thoughts, but there is only so much I can take, only so much I can do…
Ville closed the binder - that was enough. He never knew Bam had felt this way. He found himself falling back a bit onto the floor; he sat down Indian style and flipped the binder over where he knew he’d find the SCRIPT for the document of their life; a document taken directly from the journals that inspired them. He chuckled to himself feeling slightly better, reading right over the first line, instantly millions of thoughts flooded into his memory, the way he remembered it…
--
Feedback would be wonderful and we can't wait to start the first Chapter for you! :D
Love,
Rissa & Marina.