He's All That I'm Living For- Chapter 9
Title: He's All That I'm Living For.
Author: Kimmi
Pairing: Vam
Rating: R
Summery: Ville and Bam escaped all their demons in the end. But now they have moved house, what situations will unfold. Sequal to He's What I Go to school For.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, only the plot...although....I damn wish I did!
Warnings: Getting depressive. Death. Suicide.
LInks to He's What I Go To School For and previous chapters underneath the cut :)
He's What I Go To School For Chapters:
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7/ Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13 / Chapter 14 / Chapter 15 / Chapter 16 / Chapter 17 / Chapter 18 / Chapter 19 / Chapter 20 / Chapter 21 / Chapter 22
Previous Chapters
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8
[[Welcome back dear people. I'm going to apologise in advance for these last two chapters. you'll know why when you read them. Yes, this is the second to last chapter :( I hope you enjoy, well try lol please please please comment, even if it's just to have a go at me ;) ]]
I had been watching them for 30 minutes by the time the need for a cigarette became too much. I called Bam over, lucky he wasn’t too far away from me so not many people heard my slip of the word “sexy” slip through my rosebud lips.
He skated over, a grin on his face “Why hello.” He said in a fake British accent, leaning against the wooden barrier between us. He gave me a teasing look, then turn around, maybe checking for people looking, I wasn’t sure, but before I knew, his lips pressed against mine and were quickly removed again.
I heard myself giggle like a school girl having a crush on a teacher…okay, bad example. Lets say….I dunno, just a giggling school girl. I leaned in closer, making it seem like I was going to whisper something sexy in his ear, by the way I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth in a teasing way.
I heard him breath heavily and almost shakily as my mouth breath hot air onto the shell of his ear, then I grinned and back away slightly “I’m going for a cigarette, I’ll be back in a little bit” I laughed again as I started to walk away, feeling a hand slap me on the ass.
“Fucker” I said, still walking away.
“Fuckee” I heard the grin in his voice and I couldn’t help but grin myself, taking the cigarette packet out my pocket so I could light it as soon as I was out of the building. I sparked my lighter and quickly lit the much needed cigarette, my first one of the day. Loving the way the smoke caressed my lungs and slightly burnt my throat once I released it. Nothing was more calming than a cigarette. Well, I suppose sex with Bam is.
I pulled out my Ipod and switched it on, putting the earphones in my ears, drowning out any other noises I could here from the busy road nearby. But now it was just me, Black Sabbath and my cigarette and if someone disrupted me, I swear to god….I’ll fucking kill them.
By the time I got half way, I knew I’d need another one, taking one out so it was ready, just like before, but keeping it softly in my hand, along with my Ipod. I closed my eyes and let my back fall down onto the small brick wall I was currently sat on. The sun was bright and so I made so much effort not to open my eyes. I was well and truly in my own zone, finally relaxed and care free. The trip was going fine, I had nothing else to worry about, just to enjoy this cigarette and hum along with my favourite songs.
The music faded away, I dropped my cigarette as a rather unexpected stroke of tiredness passed through my body, I didn’t even care that I was sat in the summer sun in the middle of the afternoon. I didn’t care whether I was led on a brick wall. I just needed sleep, and so it took over me, but I didn’t want to sleep too long, Bam would get worried.
My mind went blank, the music fully faded and I was relaxed, pictures in the shape of dreams flooded my mind and I gave one last sigh of content before I was out of it.
~X~
I woke up sometime later, I wasn’t sure how long I had been out, but it seemed I’d gone through a whole album of Black Sabbath whilst I was asleep so it would have been around 50 minutes or so. I slowly opened my eyes, trying not to be blinded, but to my surprise something was blocking my view of the sun, something in the shape of a square or something…
I picked my head up from the brick wall and looked up over my chest. Flashing lights, blue, red and white. An ambulance. What the fuck?
I swung my legs so my feet were on the floor, looking around at all the police cars and paramedic cars. I was confused, what had happened?
My breathing became heavy, I shoved my Ipod in my pocket. It must have been one of the students, shit shit shit, I had to help! Bam must be worried sick right now!
I quickly dived for the glass doors and pulled them open, making my way to the main area. Paramedics were all around, all the students were gathered around in a circle, tears staining their youthful faces. I looked across all the faces, not noticing anyone missing. I looked around again.
Where is Bam? My mind asked itself. I looked around the room once again. The paramedics were gathered around a man led flat on the ground at the bottom of a huge half pipe. Something…Bam would try to attempt….
“Bammie?” I whispered more to myself. My voice was caught in my throat, I couldn’t breath. I felt like I was going to faint or have an asthma attack, maybe even a heart attack. But I couldn’t let anything happen to myself, I needed to get to my Bammie.
I ran over, one policeman stopping me as I tried to get to my whole world. My whole world I could see led on the floor, blood pouring from a wound on his head, paramedics trying to stop the bleeding before he lost too much of his sweet blood.
“Please, I need to see him!” I pleaded with the policeman, punching him in the shoulders hoping it would move him. But it didn’t and now I was becoming more and more tearful. My vision was blurred, my heart ached. I need to my Bammie, now!
“Go and wait with the rest of the students” He said calmly, leading me in the direction of the said students. My eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.
“I am not a fucking kid! Do not tell me what the fuck to do! That man over there is my fucking boyfriend!” I shouted at the policeman, but my voice was weak, breaking at the end of the sentence and letting the tears flow like rivers over my porcelain skin.
“Sir, please calm down. Everything will be fine if you let the paramedics do their job. I am trying to do mine. I know it must hurt you to see your…boyfriend like that, but I assure you, it will be okay” He said as calmly as he could. I knew nothing was going to be fine. The paramedics were rushing around now, like a blur around me, getting equipment I’d never seen before and using medical terms I was sure I’d find out what they meant after all this.
I collapsed onto the floor, resting my head on my hand. I could see Bam from here. A gap between two paramedics allowed me this intimacy. The policeman tried to help me up, but I slapped his hand away from me. I didn’t want Bam out of my sight. Not now.
If only I didn’t go out for a cigarette, if only I hadn’t had that stupid nap. I could have told him not to be stupid and try skating that huge monstrous, life threatening half pipe. I couldn’t help but think this was all my fault.
If only I had left him to arrange the trip himself. There wouldn’t have been a trip, there wouldn’t have been this accident.
“We’re going to have to get him to the hospital, quickly!” One of the paramedics shouted to his team. Bam was lifted onto a stretcher carefully, something supporting his head. Another group of paramedics rushed in with a trolly, quickly but carefully helping to put Bam on it. Wheeling him out with lightening speed. I went after them, ignoring the shouts from the policeman. I had to be with my Bammie.
I chased after them, I saw them putting Bam in the back of the ambulance. I had to get there quick.
“Please! Let me go with him!” I shouted to one of the paramedics, just as they were closing the door “I’m his boyfriend! I need to be with him!” I couldn’t stop the tears running down my face. I didn’t care whether the black make up that was previously around my eyes was now flowing down my cheeks, washed away by a sea of tears.
The paramedic nodded and I sighed in relief for a second before I jumped into the back of the van, sitting on a chair. I couldn’t even reach out for Bam’s hand. His body was confined, he could not move. He wasn’t moving. He chest didn’t move. I never saw a heart beat from his chest. He face was paling and his body looked weak.
There was no way he was going to live. How was I supposed to live without him? I simply couldn’t. The paramedic sat next to me, trying to hush my sobbing. I wasn’t going to stop though. I was losing all that I’m living for with every second that passed.
The journey was a short one, but it seemed longer. Everyone rushed Bam out of the ambulance and into the hospital.
That would be the last time I would see him alive. He was still alive then, the heart monitor in the ambulance said so, but a slight heartbeat as it was, he was still alive. I wanted him here with me. I didn’t want him gone from my life.
My tears soaked the top of my shirt, but once again, I didn’t care. I was numb of all feeling. I had lost my soul when they took Bam in there. They wouldn’t be able to save him. I knew that.
I slowly walked in, walking towards the room with nurses and doctors piling in and out of. I knew he was in there.
I watched through the small window, I didn’t watch what the doctors where doing, I watched the heart monitor he was hooked up to. I watched as it slowed down with every beat until there was nothing. Just an endless beep as his heart stopped. His wasn’t the only one that stopped, mine stopped too. I was numb. I couldn’t feel my legs.
I didn’t want to live, not without Bam. I needed him to live. He was my life!
Life faded to black as saw them fold the hospital sheets over the head of my lover. Hiding his peaceful face from my view for the last time.
“Time of death: 13 hundred hours and 32 minutes.” The doctor said. I knew there must have been some emotion involved. He looked up to me, obviously knowing I was there. But I wasn’t watching him. I was watching the bump in the sheets where Bam’s face was hidden from my site. Just hoping that he would take a large breath and be fine again. Come back to me, run to me and kiss me. But I knew this was the stupid fantasies of my teenage mind. It wouldn’t happen.
I started to walk away, straight out of the building, ready to go home, ready to end the pain.
Author: Kimmi
Pairing: Vam
Rating: R
Summery: Ville and Bam escaped all their demons in the end. But now they have moved house, what situations will unfold. Sequal to He's What I Go to school For.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, only the plot...although....I damn wish I did!
Warnings: Getting depressive. Death. Suicide.
LInks to He's What I Go To School For and previous chapters underneath the cut :)
He's What I Go To School For Chapters:
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7/ Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13 / Chapter 14 / Chapter 15 / Chapter 16 / Chapter 17 / Chapter 18 / Chapter 19 / Chapter 20 / Chapter 21 / Chapter 22
Previous Chapters
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8
[[Welcome back dear people. I'm going to apologise in advance for these last two chapters. you'll know why when you read them. Yes, this is the second to last chapter :( I hope you enjoy, well try lol please please please comment, even if it's just to have a go at me ;) ]]
I had been watching them for 30 minutes by the time the need for a cigarette became too much. I called Bam over, lucky he wasn’t too far away from me so not many people heard my slip of the word “sexy” slip through my rosebud lips.
He skated over, a grin on his face “Why hello.” He said in a fake British accent, leaning against the wooden barrier between us. He gave me a teasing look, then turn around, maybe checking for people looking, I wasn’t sure, but before I knew, his lips pressed against mine and were quickly removed again.
I heard myself giggle like a school girl having a crush on a teacher…okay, bad example. Lets say….I dunno, just a giggling school girl. I leaned in closer, making it seem like I was going to whisper something sexy in his ear, by the way I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth in a teasing way.
I heard him breath heavily and almost shakily as my mouth breath hot air onto the shell of his ear, then I grinned and back away slightly “I’m going for a cigarette, I’ll be back in a little bit” I laughed again as I started to walk away, feeling a hand slap me on the ass.
“Fucker” I said, still walking away.
“Fuckee” I heard the grin in his voice and I couldn’t help but grin myself, taking the cigarette packet out my pocket so I could light it as soon as I was out of the building. I sparked my lighter and quickly lit the much needed cigarette, my first one of the day. Loving the way the smoke caressed my lungs and slightly burnt my throat once I released it. Nothing was more calming than a cigarette. Well, I suppose sex with Bam is.
I pulled out my Ipod and switched it on, putting the earphones in my ears, drowning out any other noises I could here from the busy road nearby. But now it was just me, Black Sabbath and my cigarette and if someone disrupted me, I swear to god….I’ll fucking kill them.
By the time I got half way, I knew I’d need another one, taking one out so it was ready, just like before, but keeping it softly in my hand, along with my Ipod. I closed my eyes and let my back fall down onto the small brick wall I was currently sat on. The sun was bright and so I made so much effort not to open my eyes. I was well and truly in my own zone, finally relaxed and care free. The trip was going fine, I had nothing else to worry about, just to enjoy this cigarette and hum along with my favourite songs.
The music faded away, I dropped my cigarette as a rather unexpected stroke of tiredness passed through my body, I didn’t even care that I was sat in the summer sun in the middle of the afternoon. I didn’t care whether I was led on a brick wall. I just needed sleep, and so it took over me, but I didn’t want to sleep too long, Bam would get worried.
My mind went blank, the music fully faded and I was relaxed, pictures in the shape of dreams flooded my mind and I gave one last sigh of content before I was out of it.
~X~
I woke up sometime later, I wasn’t sure how long I had been out, but it seemed I’d gone through a whole album of Black Sabbath whilst I was asleep so it would have been around 50 minutes or so. I slowly opened my eyes, trying not to be blinded, but to my surprise something was blocking my view of the sun, something in the shape of a square or something…
I picked my head up from the brick wall and looked up over my chest. Flashing lights, blue, red and white. An ambulance. What the fuck?
I swung my legs so my feet were on the floor, looking around at all the police cars and paramedic cars. I was confused, what had happened?
My breathing became heavy, I shoved my Ipod in my pocket. It must have been one of the students, shit shit shit, I had to help! Bam must be worried sick right now!
I quickly dived for the glass doors and pulled them open, making my way to the main area. Paramedics were all around, all the students were gathered around in a circle, tears staining their youthful faces. I looked across all the faces, not noticing anyone missing. I looked around again.
Where is Bam? My mind asked itself. I looked around the room once again. The paramedics were gathered around a man led flat on the ground at the bottom of a huge half pipe. Something…Bam would try to attempt….
“Bammie?” I whispered more to myself. My voice was caught in my throat, I couldn’t breath. I felt like I was going to faint or have an asthma attack, maybe even a heart attack. But I couldn’t let anything happen to myself, I needed to get to my Bammie.
I ran over, one policeman stopping me as I tried to get to my whole world. My whole world I could see led on the floor, blood pouring from a wound on his head, paramedics trying to stop the bleeding before he lost too much of his sweet blood.
“Please, I need to see him!” I pleaded with the policeman, punching him in the shoulders hoping it would move him. But it didn’t and now I was becoming more and more tearful. My vision was blurred, my heart ached. I need to my Bammie, now!
“Go and wait with the rest of the students” He said calmly, leading me in the direction of the said students. My eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.
“I am not a fucking kid! Do not tell me what the fuck to do! That man over there is my fucking boyfriend!” I shouted at the policeman, but my voice was weak, breaking at the end of the sentence and letting the tears flow like rivers over my porcelain skin.
“Sir, please calm down. Everything will be fine if you let the paramedics do their job. I am trying to do mine. I know it must hurt you to see your…boyfriend like that, but I assure you, it will be okay” He said as calmly as he could. I knew nothing was going to be fine. The paramedics were rushing around now, like a blur around me, getting equipment I’d never seen before and using medical terms I was sure I’d find out what they meant after all this.
I collapsed onto the floor, resting my head on my hand. I could see Bam from here. A gap between two paramedics allowed me this intimacy. The policeman tried to help me up, but I slapped his hand away from me. I didn’t want Bam out of my sight. Not now.
If only I didn’t go out for a cigarette, if only I hadn’t had that stupid nap. I could have told him not to be stupid and try skating that huge monstrous, life threatening half pipe. I couldn’t help but think this was all my fault.
If only I had left him to arrange the trip himself. There wouldn’t have been a trip, there wouldn’t have been this accident.
“We’re going to have to get him to the hospital, quickly!” One of the paramedics shouted to his team. Bam was lifted onto a stretcher carefully, something supporting his head. Another group of paramedics rushed in with a trolly, quickly but carefully helping to put Bam on it. Wheeling him out with lightening speed. I went after them, ignoring the shouts from the policeman. I had to be with my Bammie.
I chased after them, I saw them putting Bam in the back of the ambulance. I had to get there quick.
“Please! Let me go with him!” I shouted to one of the paramedics, just as they were closing the door “I’m his boyfriend! I need to be with him!” I couldn’t stop the tears running down my face. I didn’t care whether the black make up that was previously around my eyes was now flowing down my cheeks, washed away by a sea of tears.
The paramedic nodded and I sighed in relief for a second before I jumped into the back of the van, sitting on a chair. I couldn’t even reach out for Bam’s hand. His body was confined, he could not move. He wasn’t moving. He chest didn’t move. I never saw a heart beat from his chest. He face was paling and his body looked weak.
There was no way he was going to live. How was I supposed to live without him? I simply couldn’t. The paramedic sat next to me, trying to hush my sobbing. I wasn’t going to stop though. I was losing all that I’m living for with every second that passed.
The journey was a short one, but it seemed longer. Everyone rushed Bam out of the ambulance and into the hospital.
That would be the last time I would see him alive. He was still alive then, the heart monitor in the ambulance said so, but a slight heartbeat as it was, he was still alive. I wanted him here with me. I didn’t want him gone from my life.
My tears soaked the top of my shirt, but once again, I didn’t care. I was numb of all feeling. I had lost my soul when they took Bam in there. They wouldn’t be able to save him. I knew that.
I slowly walked in, walking towards the room with nurses and doctors piling in and out of. I knew he was in there.
I watched through the small window, I didn’t watch what the doctors where doing, I watched the heart monitor he was hooked up to. I watched as it slowed down with every beat until there was nothing. Just an endless beep as his heart stopped. His wasn’t the only one that stopped, mine stopped too. I was numb. I couldn’t feel my legs.
I didn’t want to live, not without Bam. I needed him to live. He was my life!
Life faded to black as saw them fold the hospital sheets over the head of my lover. Hiding his peaceful face from my view for the last time.
“Time of death: 13 hundred hours and 32 minutes.” The doctor said. I knew there must have been some emotion involved. He looked up to me, obviously knowing I was there. But I wasn’t watching him. I was watching the bump in the sheets where Bam’s face was hidden from my site. Just hoping that he would take a large breath and be fine again. Come back to me, run to me and kiss me. But I knew this was the stupid fantasies of my teenage mind. It wouldn’t happen.
I started to walk away, straight out of the building, ready to go home, ready to end the pain.