louder than words chapter 4?
hey all, i'm still alive! I dont know if there's anyone out there still interested in reading this story cos i know i've taken forever to update but i'll post anyway. I'm not sure how frequent updates will be because since i started my new job i barely have any time to myself especially now i have a new room mate that doesn't approve of fan fic so i cant write it while she's home. I'm gonna try and start writing a bit more if i can and i hope this chapter isn't too crappy cos i'm a bit rusty with this story.
RATING-PG13 (i think)
PAIRING- still vam!
DISCLAIMER- i own a lot of merchandise but not the actual guys themselves unfortunately.
this is dedicated to anyone who might still be reading this *looks around as big tumbleweed blows down deserted street* and to karinvam as usual for everything we've been through and all the things we'll continue to go through and work through together.
After the sun had risen, Ville had gone into the kitchenette and made them both a coffee and they settled onto the sofa and talked about anything and everything as they waited for the rest of the band to wake up.
Linde was the first one to greet them although the others weren't far behind, mumbling good morning as they fumbled sleepily for their coffee mugs.
"How long have you two been up?" Linde asked, lowering his tall frame into an armchair opposite them.
"Ages. Neither of us could sleep so we went outside and waited for the sun to rise."
"How are you feeling today?" He asked Bam, giving him a reassuring smile.
I'm ok thank you. Bam wrote. He was trying his best to be polite and not offend any of them because although he felt he could trust them, he didn't want to make any of them angry, he was scared enough as it was.
The rest of the band joined them and soon engaged Ville in a discussion about the set list for their next gig. Grabbing his notebook, Bam took a seat next to the window, staring out at the passing scenery and letting his mind wander. He must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing he became aware of was that the bus had stopped and someone was sitting next to him, the hand that had just been placed on his shoulder far too large to be Ville's.
His body tensed up in fear as he realised that he was now trapped in the corner and he became even more terrified when he turned round and saw that it was Mige sitting next to him and the rest of the band had disappeared. Glancing round frantically as though he expected them to appear at any minute, his panic filled gaze finally landed back on Mige.
"The guys have just gone to get some stuff from the truck stop but Ville's in his bunk writing if you need him." Mige explained, sensing what Bam was thinking. Can I ask you something?"
When Bam nodded, Mige continued a little unsurely. "Are you scared of me?"
Bam nodded slowly, not daring to look at the other man in case he got angry and hit him.
"You don't need to be, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm sorry I wasn't nice to you when we first met but in my defence, you had just broken into our bus, I was a little freaked out. We all wanna help you though, you just need to trust us."
I know, I'm trying.
"It'll get better eventually, I promise." Squeezing Bam's shoulder reassuringly, Mige headed back to his bunk to work on a new bass line, leaving Bam to think things over.
Suprisingly, their little talk had done a lot to bring Bam out of his shell, around the band at least, and and in the two days they were stuck on the bus, they found it easier knowing that they didn't have to tiptoe around him so much.
They'd finally reached their destination and booked into their hotel when Ville dropped his bombshell.
"Ok Bammie, get your notebook and lets go out. We've got four hours to spare and you need clothes so we're going shopping."
All Bam was capable of was shaking his head in horrified denial as the singer approached him slowly like he would a wild animal.
"It won't be too bad, I promise. I'll be there the whole time and I won't let anything happen to you."
When Bam shook his head yet again, Ville let out a sigh of exasperation. "Bam, you have to get some clothes and stuff, you can't keep borrowing mine especially if you're going to be starting work soon. Look, the quicker we get there, the quicker we can leave again."
Nodding dejectedly, Bam pulled on a coat, shoving the notebook and a pen into one of the pockets before following Ville out of the door and into the elevator looking for all the world like a scolded puppy.
When he slumped against the back wall, his eyes downcast, Ville moved closer and put his arm around him with only minimal flinching on Bam's part.
"I know you really don't want to do this and you probably hate me right now but you're never gonna get better if you refuse to go out in crowds and I promised you I'd look after you. You might actually have fun, we can even go and get something to eat afterwards if you feel up to it."
Nodding, Bam looked up at Ville, a slight smile finally playing over his face.
Can we have pizza?
"We can have whatever you want." Ville grinned as they exited the hotel. It was only a short distance to the mall so they decided to walk rather than get a taxi, thankful it was a warm day. Ville chatted away happily, trying to put Bam in a good mood for the day to come although the young boy just got more and more reserved the closer they got.
They finally entered the huge shopping complex and Bam unconciously edged closer to Ville as he watched all the people wandering around.
"Right, so where do you want to go?" Ville asked, pretending not to notice Bam's obvious fear. As much as he hated making him do something that distressed him so much, he knew in the end it would help him with his recovery.
Back to the hotel Came the reply and Ville didn't know whether to laugh or snap in frustration. He let out a heavy sigh and soon found the notebook being shoved in his hands again.
I'm sorry, I know you're just trying to help me. I'll try not to be so annoying.
"You're not annoying sweetheart but you have to do this at some point so you might as well do it now when you have someone with you. I swear to you that I'll look after you."
Bam nodded and looked around before pointing to 'Neucleus', a shop renowned for it's large supply of skate and surf wear.
"I guess that should have been obvious!" Ville laughed. "Come on then, let's find you some clothes that actually fit."
They made their way over to the store with Bam practically walking on Ville's feet because of how close he was pressed to him. He let go as soon as they entered the store though when he saw the huge display of skateboards, his eyes lighting up like a kid in a candy store.
"You already have a skateboard." Ville reminded him gently, as he continued to liger, staring longingly at them.
I know, I just like to look and imagine all the ones I'd have if I was rich and famous.
"Ok, well if you come and get some clothes then you can come back here and drool some more while i'm queing and paying for them."
That seemed to be the incentive needed and Bam happily followed him into the mens clothing section.
"I don't suppose you know what size you need now do you?" Bam shook his head and Ville glanced around thoughtfully. "You'll just have to pick things and try them on til we find the size that fits."
He trailed round the shop after Bam patiently, lettng him take his time choosing things he liked. He noticed that Bam was keeping the clothing very simple, choosing jeans and t-shirts and finding the cheapest ones, obviously feeling guilty that Ville was paying for it all.
They eventually made their way over to the changing rooms and Bam cast a nervous glance at Ville as he headed towards one of the cubicles. Giving him a reassuring smile, Ville sat down in one of the chairs just outside it, promising that he'd be waiting for him.
He spent the first few minutes watching the other people wander around the store but after hearing a muffled thump coming from the changing room Bam was in, Ville's traitorous brain decided to remind him that just a few feet away, Bam was probably naked with just a thin curtain separating him from Ville's hungry eyes and if he tilted his head back just enough, he could probably see inside through the tiny gap at the edge of the curtain.
Dropping his head into his hands he muttered some pretty colourful curses at himself for continuing to think about the broken, helpless boy in a sexual way. Bam needed someone to help him regain his trust and confidence, not some pervert lusting after him while he was vulnerable.
He was still swearing fluently at himself in Finnish when something dropped into his lap. Startled, he looked up from his hands to see Bam's notebook on his lap.
Do you always talk to yourself in weird languages or is this a new habit?
Glancing round, he smiled sheepishly when he saw Bam watching him curiously.
"Sorry, just having a strange moment." Ville cringed at the lame answer but Bam just smiled shyly at him and nodded.
"So, are you ready?" Bam nodded again, holding out the selection of things that fit and Ville eagerly took them, trying to relieve the embarrassment of being caught talking to himself. He went to pay for the clothes, allowing Bam to go back and stare lovingly at the skateboard rack while he waited.
Standing in the long line at the till, Ville kept an eye on Bam to make sure he didn't start panicking again but he seemed too wrapped up in the skateboards to notice anything else around him. Ville smiled as Bam reached out to touch one of the boards in awe as if it was made of gold and precious gems and he made a mental note to find out when Bam's birthday was.
Ville finally dragged Bam away from the boards with the promise that they would ask the hotel where the nearest skatepark was so he could go and practise. They trawled round a couple more shops for other things that Bam would need with no problems, apart from when Ville decided that Bam needed underwear and Bam awkwardly explained that, as a rule, he never wore any. The confession had Ville so flustered that he almost walked into one of the decorative posts that were dotted around the mall.
Once he'd recovered from the near miss, Ville decided that they should leave the mall as soon as possible. "Ok Bammie, there's just one shop I want to look in if you don't mind then we can go and get that pizza."
Nodding, Bam allowed himself to be dragged into 'Black lace', a gothic shop that catered for men just as much as women. Knowing exactly what he wanted to get, Ville grabbed a green sparkly eyeshadow, a bottle of black nail polish, a black glittery scarf and a vintage Iggy pop shirt that he hadn't planned on getting but was too awsome for him to resist. Looking round for Bam, he found him staring at a burgandy velvet blazer in the same way he'd been staring at the skateboards.
Going up to the counter he suddenly remembered what else he'd came in the store for. "Bam, could you just grab me one of those eyeliners?" He called, and Bam obediently walked over to the makeup display and got the one Ville wanted.
"Is there anything you want while we're in here?" Bam took one last longing glance at the blazer but shook his head, as the cashier handed Ville his bag and change. "Ok then, let's go. I know just where we can go for the best pizza in town."
Bam could hardly believe it but he was having a brilliant time. He'd been so scared of going to such a crowded place but Ville had been brilliant and let him cling to him the entire time without complaining. He was so patient and nice and to top it all off he'd brought him to a gorgeous little pizza place which was run by a family of Italians so all the food was authentic.
He watched as Ville fought with his three cheese pizza, the stringy mozzarella stretching for what felt like miles til it finally snapped. He took a bite of his pepperoni pizza to try and hide his laughter but Ville saw anyway.
"Hey, no laughing, it's not my fault that the pizza is fighting back!" Ville's tone of voice made it obvious that he found it just as funny and he wasn't angry so Bam didn't worry that he couldn't make his smile go away.
It is. It's funny cos the pizza's winning!
Ville burst into giggles and Bam felt a strange fluttering sensation in his stomach at the beautiful sound. He didn't understand why, he just knew it happened a lot around his saviour, when he laughed, or called him sweetheart, or smiled at him. He wasn't freaked out about it though because it wasn't a bad feeling, he just wished he knew what it meant.
They chatted animatedly as they ate their pizza taking in the relaxed atmosphere of the cosy restaurant, sharing a chocolate cheesecake for dessert because it was far too tempting for either of them to say no to. Bam had just gotten his coat back on, ready to leave when Ville let out a small laugh. Bam looked at him in confusion and the Finn grinned back at him.
"You've got some chocolate on your face." Leaning forward, Ville swiped his thumb gently over the corner of Bam's bottom lip where the chocolate was, lingering slightly as Bam's warm breath ghosted over it. He knew he should be removing his thumb from Bam's lip but when Bam unconciously licked his lips, the feel of his tongue against his skin made him forget why.
The restaurant door banged shut as another customer entered and Ville pulled away quickly leaving both men staring at each other wide eyed. "Right, we should, uh....we need to get back to the hotel." Ville stammered, looking everywhere but at Bam.
The walk back was made in awkward silence, both men sneaking glances at each other when they could. Ville was mentally beating himself up for possibly ruining all the hard work that was going towards helping Bam, unaware that Bam was busy trying to rationalize why the feel of Ville's hand on his face and his thumb on his lips felt so good.
By the time they got in the elevator, the awkwardness was thawing somewhat and by the time they got to their room it had disappeared as Ville started talking about people they'd seen in the mall.
".....And did you see that teenage couple having a fight by the fountain?"
Bam shook his head, intrigued as he placed his shopping bags on the bed.
"She pushed him in! Security had to escort them both out!" Ville burst out laughing at the memory and Bam couldn't help but laugh as well, imagining how embarrassed the boy must have been.
Bam started folding his new clothes and placing them neatly into the small suitcase Ville had brought him for touring, glancing across the room occasionally, watching Ville admiring his new things.
"Oh, I just remembered something." Ville exclaimed suddenly, causing Bam to flinch in suprise. "I got you a present when we were out."
Why? you didn't have to buy me a present, you're already doing far too much for me.
"I wanted to. Besides, you were looking so lovingly at it I didn't have the heart to leave without it. Here, have a look, I hope you like it sweetheart."
Slowly, Bam reached over and took the bag from Ville's hands, peering inside it. He gave a gasp of suprise as he pulled out the blazer he'd been looking at in the goth shop.
When did you get it? I mean, I was in the shop and I never saw you pick it up.
"I got the shop assistant to get it when I made you turn round to get me an eyeliner." Ville grinned, obviously pleased with his deviousness. "Now I know what you're gonna say but I brought it because I wanted you to have it so I'm not taking it back."
Thank you so much, I love it. I had a great time today as well, I didn't think I would but it was really fun.
"Good, I'm glad. I had a great time too, maybe we can try and do something like that at every place we stay in."
Yeah that sounds great. Anyway, do you mind if I have a shower, now that I can have them I want to take advantage.
Ville chuckled. "Of course kulta, go ahead. I'll do some writing."
Bam headed to the bathroom door but suddenly stopped and turned back to Ville, obviously hesitating, thinking about doing or writing something but not having the courage.
"Bammie? Is something wrong?"
Shaking his head, Bam gathered all his courage before wrapping an arm round Ville's neck and pulling him close, pressing their mouths together. He flicked a tongue over the singers beautiful lips and then before anything else could happen, he pulled away, fleeing into the bathroom and slamming the door, locking it behind him and leaving a stunned and confused Ville standing in the middle of the hotel room with his fingers pressed against kiss swollen lips.