Interlude;
“LJ User - hrtagram_boy”
Interlude
Author: Jordan (insane_pyro_grl)
Disclaimer: Fiction, made up by me for creative purposes. I do not own any of the boys, and this journal is not Bam’s real journal.
Rating: PG - 13
Summary: What if Bam had a LiveJournal and no one knew about it? Would you read how he wrote about his every day life, from his perspective? This is his journal: hrtagram_boy, read all about his daily life, his trials, his tribulations, and his love. This will be as historically accurate as possible, if I can mold it that way, so it actually will seem like Bam is writing it himself, in real time.
Notes: Decided this story needed a little change of pace.
Thanks Go Out To: Slasher48 for helping me decide that this was a good idea and that I am a pretty good writer.
Previous Chapters
Chapter Notes - Read or be confused!: This is an Interlude between Chapter 28 and Chapter 29. This is Ville’s POV from Promises (Rehab). He’s just writing a letter to Bam that one day he’ll show him. The story needed a bit of spice, so I felt I needed a different perspective. Hope you enjoy!
Interlude.
May 7th, 2007
Bam,
I’ve been in this hellhole for two weeks now.
I want to get out.
I want to go back home into your arms.
But I can’t go home like this. I refuse to be like this anymore. I refuse to allow myself to be controlled by a single object. Alcohol. Who knew the drink could be so powerful?
It has ruled my life for too long. I’ve drunk every drink there is to drink, and I’m tired of having to rely on having it just to function through every day life. This was getting to the point of disaster, and it was going to destroy me, you, and our relationship, and I don’t want that to happen. I love you, Bam, and I know we’re going to be together for a long time after I overcome this.
I’m tired of having to drink until I black out just to try to forget what I did to her. The guilt is unbearable. Yes, I know that she was the one that almost stabbed me with a chef’s knife, but I was in love with her once, and Bam, you know what my tattoo says, ‘When I love, I love.’ That love is forever in my heart, even though I may no longer care for that person anymore, as what happened with Jonna. I feel as if it’s entirely my fault that she’s now sitting in prison.
I should have never ended it the way I did.
I know you blame yourself, my love, but it was my burden to be dealt with. I should have ended it ages before hand, at the first sign of falling out of love, but no, I thought it would have gotten better. As soon as Jussi told me about the cheating, I should have ended the relationship. But within my stupid, optimistic mind, I thought it would get better, but as we know now, it only became worse.
You were my savior that day when you picked me up so many months ago. How you told me that you would love me, although she sure as hell didn’t, reassuring me that everything would turn out well, just as it always does. And you were right, as always. I’m pretty damn sure that if I didn’t have you, I would have ended up miserable, alone, and most likely, dead. You’re my loving guardian angel - and you know I’m not exactly the religious type. Without love, there is no life, so I’m glad our love began that day, as I believe my life restarted when we realized that we are soul mates.
I wish you were here with me now, in this prison-like cell. The four white walls mock me, and all I can see are my faults, my mistakes, my guilt. I feel like I’m going insane, but every day is another day sober, and another day towards a happy life with you, heila. I’m restless, exhausted, and drained. I’ve still not rebooted my system to go to sleep on its own without alcohol, so the best I can do is lay here with visions of you and our future together to give me some sort of peace at night. I’m fighting my demons one-on-one twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, just to make myself better.
Another two weeks and I’ll be back home with you. No matter where we are, whether it be in West Chester or in Helsinki, home is where you are, my love. I have a feeling that we’re going to make it the distance, through my long tours, your crazy stunts and ideas, and being away from one another for the possibility of months on end - we’re going to make it, because you are my soul mate, my lifeline, my desire for sobriety. If you weren’t around, I would’ve taken my life months ago, because without love, I am nothing, and Jonna’s love for me was long gone, and my love for her was wearing thin. I wouldn’t have been able to take it much longer if you hadn’t allowed me to come and visit you that November weekend.
I cherish every kiss we kiss, every breath we take, and every “I love you,” that we say to one another. And if something should happen to me, I want you to know that I love you more than life itself. I know this time apart has to be wearing on you too, sweetheart, but know that I’m only surviving because of you. And when I finally show this to you someday within our futures, know that you’re the only reason that I survived this trying time, because without you, I wouldn’t be anything.
You are my everything, and I’m glad we have our love, because that can conquer any addiction that I have.
All the love I possess,
Ville.
Ending Notes: If you read this, please take the two minutes and comment. With only receiving four comments or so per chapter, I get disgruntled and almost cancel this story. So if you’d like to see this story update quickly in the future, comment, or it may be another couple of weeks before you see a new chapter. No comments, no confidence.
Love you all, Jordan.
Interlude
Author: Jordan (insane_pyro_grl)
Disclaimer: Fiction, made up by me for creative purposes. I do not own any of the boys, and this journal is not Bam’s real journal.
Rating: PG - 13
Summary: What if Bam had a LiveJournal and no one knew about it? Would you read how he wrote about his every day life, from his perspective? This is his journal: hrtagram_boy, read all about his daily life, his trials, his tribulations, and his love. This will be as historically accurate as possible, if I can mold it that way, so it actually will seem like Bam is writing it himself, in real time.
Notes: Decided this story needed a little change of pace.
Thanks Go Out To: Slasher48 for helping me decide that this was a good idea and that I am a pretty good writer.
Previous Chapters
Chapter Notes - Read or be confused!: This is an Interlude between Chapter 28 and Chapter 29. This is Ville’s POV from Promises (Rehab). He’s just writing a letter to Bam that one day he’ll show him. The story needed a bit of spice, so I felt I needed a different perspective. Hope you enjoy!
Interlude.
May 7th, 2007
Bam,
I’ve been in this hellhole for two weeks now.
I want to get out.
I want to go back home into your arms.
But I can’t go home like this. I refuse to be like this anymore. I refuse to allow myself to be controlled by a single object. Alcohol. Who knew the drink could be so powerful?
It has ruled my life for too long. I’ve drunk every drink there is to drink, and I’m tired of having to rely on having it just to function through every day life. This was getting to the point of disaster, and it was going to destroy me, you, and our relationship, and I don’t want that to happen. I love you, Bam, and I know we’re going to be together for a long time after I overcome this.
I’m tired of having to drink until I black out just to try to forget what I did to her. The guilt is unbearable. Yes, I know that she was the one that almost stabbed me with a chef’s knife, but I was in love with her once, and Bam, you know what my tattoo says, ‘When I love, I love.’ That love is forever in my heart, even though I may no longer care for that person anymore, as what happened with Jonna. I feel as if it’s entirely my fault that she’s now sitting in prison.
I should have never ended it the way I did.
I know you blame yourself, my love, but it was my burden to be dealt with. I should have ended it ages before hand, at the first sign of falling out of love, but no, I thought it would have gotten better. As soon as Jussi told me about the cheating, I should have ended the relationship. But within my stupid, optimistic mind, I thought it would get better, but as we know now, it only became worse.
You were my savior that day when you picked me up so many months ago. How you told me that you would love me, although she sure as hell didn’t, reassuring me that everything would turn out well, just as it always does. And you were right, as always. I’m pretty damn sure that if I didn’t have you, I would have ended up miserable, alone, and most likely, dead. You’re my loving guardian angel - and you know I’m not exactly the religious type. Without love, there is no life, so I’m glad our love began that day, as I believe my life restarted when we realized that we are soul mates.
I wish you were here with me now, in this prison-like cell. The four white walls mock me, and all I can see are my faults, my mistakes, my guilt. I feel like I’m going insane, but every day is another day sober, and another day towards a happy life with you, heila. I’m restless, exhausted, and drained. I’ve still not rebooted my system to go to sleep on its own without alcohol, so the best I can do is lay here with visions of you and our future together to give me some sort of peace at night. I’m fighting my demons one-on-one twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, just to make myself better.
Another two weeks and I’ll be back home with you. No matter where we are, whether it be in West Chester or in Helsinki, home is where you are, my love. I have a feeling that we’re going to make it the distance, through my long tours, your crazy stunts and ideas, and being away from one another for the possibility of months on end - we’re going to make it, because you are my soul mate, my lifeline, my desire for sobriety. If you weren’t around, I would’ve taken my life months ago, because without love, I am nothing, and Jonna’s love for me was long gone, and my love for her was wearing thin. I wouldn’t have been able to take it much longer if you hadn’t allowed me to come and visit you that November weekend.
I cherish every kiss we kiss, every breath we take, and every “I love you,” that we say to one another. And if something should happen to me, I want you to know that I love you more than life itself. I know this time apart has to be wearing on you too, sweetheart, but know that I’m only surviving because of you. And when I finally show this to you someday within our futures, know that you’re the only reason that I survived this trying time, because without you, I wouldn’t be anything.
You are my everything, and I’m glad we have our love, because that can conquer any addiction that I have.
All the love I possess,
Ville.
Ending Notes: If you read this, please take the two minutes and comment. With only receiving four comments or so per chapter, I get disgruntled and almost cancel this story. So if you’d like to see this story update quickly in the future, comment, or it may be another couple of weeks before you see a new chapter. No comments, no confidence.
Love you all, Jordan.