inourblood
in
__vam
Lonely this Christmas
Heya my dearest darlings!
I do actually exist, but life has been kinda hectic recently what with major school issues and stuff. I will actually come back properly and start reading everything again, I promise!
Anyways, I thought since it was Christmas and all, and you've all been missing me so much (*ignores people laughing*), I would give you all a Christmas pressie in the form of another pointlessly depressing fic.
Happy Christmas everyone!!!
LONELY THIS CHRISTMAS
I always thought that Christmas was the greatest time of year. Everyone would be happy, relaxed, the air would be light with frivolity. I remember when I was a child, and I used to long for this time of year. I would be excited months in advance, after all, only a month before Christmas Day was my birthday, this would be the time of year when I got spoilt with presents and parties. As I grew older, some of the magic was lost. Santa didn’t exist for a start, and then I started to get less toys, more books and CDs. But I still loved it. I loved the gaiety, the atmosphere. It snowed even more than usual at Christmas. I was surrounded by friends, family, everyone having a good time.
And then I met you. You infused a whole new spark into my life. Sure, Christmas had been magical before. Now it was alive with that magic, so bright that it sparkled red, green, gold before my eyes. You created a new meaning to my life. The first year that we were going out, you invited me to your place for Christmas. I was nervous at first, after all, I had never in all my twenty-four years on this earth spent Christmas away from my family. But it was worth it to spend time with you. The day passed in a whirl of paper, gaudy baubles, turkey and gifts. I could quite happily say that it had been the best day of my life.
And so when you invited me back the year after, and the year after that, how could I possibly say no? Once more you treasured me, warmed my soul with your enchantments, and I was held prisoner in your eyes. I always believed that love wasn’t something to just be thrown around casually, and that night was the first night you ever told me you loved me. I felt so special, so protected. If I had thought Christmas was a miracle before, I worshipped it now. We made love that night. It wasn’t just fucking any more, it was love. Real, true love, the sort that doesn’t exist except in stories. But of course, all stories have an ending, even the happiest.
You invited me back again and again. Each time, our relationship had been taken to a new level. I was surprised that neither of us had proposed, we were so in love. Each year was different, but always the same. We would spend the day amongst mountains of shiny paper, piles of gifts. Your friends were always there for a while, but the evening was ours. The day was spent getting thoroughly hammered, and the nights were spent in ecstasy. I would always take my mind back to those days whenever I was feeling low, and they would always cheer me up. I found myself returning to those moments more and more in recent weeks. As I said, all stories have an ending. Even the happiest of tales will end in sorrow.
We started arguing. At first just minor disputes, more and more violent the longer we left it. I can’t even remember what it was about now. All I know is that it was bad. We shouted, screamed, threw things at each other. If you wanted your house destroyed, darling, that was the best way to do it. I think everyone ran for cover that day. That’s why there was silence, the calm before the storm, when you said the only two words needed to shatter my heart into a thousand silvery glass pieces. They fell like rain around me, piercing my skin, destroying my soul and mind alike. All I wanted was to cause you harm. I sprung at you, clawing you with my nails, biting any skin I could reach, but you were stronger than me. You threw me out; the door was locked behind me. All of my belongings were thrown out of the window above my head, as I wept in remorse.
I can’t imagine a Christmas without you now. You were always there for me. Six years we were together. Six fucking years! That’s six Christmases, six parties, five times renewing those vows of love under the covers and piles of paper at night. All of that time, I took it for granted. I knew you would always be there to be my Christmas angel, to be the star on my tree. But that wasn’t true. You should never take love for granted sweetheart, because I believe you only have one chance at true love in this life, and you can’t afford to risk losing it. I lost it when I attacked you that day. And now I know that I will never get you back.
That’s why now I am curled under piles of screwed up paper, lying under my tree. I haven’t opened any presents. Not that I have many now that I don’t have you. It’s not the presents that are important though. I can’t imagine a Christmas on my own, but I can’t face another family party now. I was with you for six years, during which time I never once spent the festive season with my family and friends. I would feel wrong going back to them now, like I’m using them as a sort of ‘rebound Christmas’. Instead I am spending the day alone, with my regrets.
And without you.
**********************************************************************************************
Comments = Christmas cake!
I do actually exist, but life has been kinda hectic recently what with major school issues and stuff. I will actually come back properly and start reading everything again, I promise!
Anyways, I thought since it was Christmas and all, and you've all been missing me so much (*ignores people laughing*), I would give you all a Christmas pressie in the form of another pointlessly depressing fic.
Happy Christmas everyone!!!
LONELY THIS CHRISTMAS
I always thought that Christmas was the greatest time of year. Everyone would be happy, relaxed, the air would be light with frivolity. I remember when I was a child, and I used to long for this time of year. I would be excited months in advance, after all, only a month before Christmas Day was my birthday, this would be the time of year when I got spoilt with presents and parties. As I grew older, some of the magic was lost. Santa didn’t exist for a start, and then I started to get less toys, more books and CDs. But I still loved it. I loved the gaiety, the atmosphere. It snowed even more than usual at Christmas. I was surrounded by friends, family, everyone having a good time.
And then I met you. You infused a whole new spark into my life. Sure, Christmas had been magical before. Now it was alive with that magic, so bright that it sparkled red, green, gold before my eyes. You created a new meaning to my life. The first year that we were going out, you invited me to your place for Christmas. I was nervous at first, after all, I had never in all my twenty-four years on this earth spent Christmas away from my family. But it was worth it to spend time with you. The day passed in a whirl of paper, gaudy baubles, turkey and gifts. I could quite happily say that it had been the best day of my life.
And so when you invited me back the year after, and the year after that, how could I possibly say no? Once more you treasured me, warmed my soul with your enchantments, and I was held prisoner in your eyes. I always believed that love wasn’t something to just be thrown around casually, and that night was the first night you ever told me you loved me. I felt so special, so protected. If I had thought Christmas was a miracle before, I worshipped it now. We made love that night. It wasn’t just fucking any more, it was love. Real, true love, the sort that doesn’t exist except in stories. But of course, all stories have an ending, even the happiest.
You invited me back again and again. Each time, our relationship had been taken to a new level. I was surprised that neither of us had proposed, we were so in love. Each year was different, but always the same. We would spend the day amongst mountains of shiny paper, piles of gifts. Your friends were always there for a while, but the evening was ours. The day was spent getting thoroughly hammered, and the nights were spent in ecstasy. I would always take my mind back to those days whenever I was feeling low, and they would always cheer me up. I found myself returning to those moments more and more in recent weeks. As I said, all stories have an ending. Even the happiest of tales will end in sorrow.
We started arguing. At first just minor disputes, more and more violent the longer we left it. I can’t even remember what it was about now. All I know is that it was bad. We shouted, screamed, threw things at each other. If you wanted your house destroyed, darling, that was the best way to do it. I think everyone ran for cover that day. That’s why there was silence, the calm before the storm, when you said the only two words needed to shatter my heart into a thousand silvery glass pieces. They fell like rain around me, piercing my skin, destroying my soul and mind alike. All I wanted was to cause you harm. I sprung at you, clawing you with my nails, biting any skin I could reach, but you were stronger than me. You threw me out; the door was locked behind me. All of my belongings were thrown out of the window above my head, as I wept in remorse.
I can’t imagine a Christmas without you now. You were always there for me. Six years we were together. Six fucking years! That’s six Christmases, six parties, five times renewing those vows of love under the covers and piles of paper at night. All of that time, I took it for granted. I knew you would always be there to be my Christmas angel, to be the star on my tree. But that wasn’t true. You should never take love for granted sweetheart, because I believe you only have one chance at true love in this life, and you can’t afford to risk losing it. I lost it when I attacked you that day. And now I know that I will never get you back.
That’s why now I am curled under piles of screwed up paper, lying under my tree. I haven’t opened any presents. Not that I have many now that I don’t have you. It’s not the presents that are important though. I can’t imagine a Christmas on my own, but I can’t face another family party now. I was with you for six years, during which time I never once spent the festive season with my family and friends. I would feel wrong going back to them now, like I’m using them as a sort of ‘rebound Christmas’. Instead I am spending the day alone, with my regrets.
And without you.
**********************************************************************************************
Comments = Christmas cake!