one-shot;

Jul 01, 2007 01:02

“Everybody Changes”

Author: Jordan [insane-pyro-grl]
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys, or anything. Just seasons 2-5 of VLB, Season 1 of House, and miscellaneous DVDs. Plus, do I need to remind you of the definition of fiction?
Rating: PG-13
Word Count:   1,846
Summary: Things change, time moves on, and people differ from what they once were. It happens to the best of us, including those we love. The person we love might change into someone that we absolutely hate, and we can’t change that, we can only hope that the person sees what monster they’ve changed into, and might change back. A soliloquy / monologue. Mentions slightly the four years of sheltering high school gives.
Notes: Starting writing this when I had nothing to do in AP US History, French, and Math the last few days of school. I decided to finish it, finally.

“Everybody Changes”

Everybody changes. Whether it’s a good change or a bad change depends on the person, the time, the decisions that they make, and even if they’re a Virgo and their moon is in the Third House of Mercury. It all changes at one point or another; people change, sometimes it’s a visible change, and sometimes, only they know that they’ve changed. Even Mother Nature changes - the hot, humid heat of summer changes into the cool, crisp days of autumn, which gradually changes into the frigid, freezing cold of winter, which morphs into spring’s sickening sweet smells, and returns to summer once again.

Everybody lies. Makes themselves a different person, for fear of becoming who they truly are. No one is truly honest with everyone around them, we all have skeletons in our closets, and it just depends on ourselves how large these skeletons are. For four years we’re in an enclosed environment, that mostly makes our decisions for us, and if we don’t agree, we’re booted out of that paradise. It’s a safety net into the real world as we’re gently eased into the rest of our lives.

Everybody stops. Says “this is fucking enough!” before snapping at everyone around them. It stops hearts, stops lives, stops breath, and stops time with one little exclamation. Sometimes, it stops a love so strong that it burns inside the two people within the relationship. They stop. Take a break. Maybe break up entirely. It shatters hearts and kills souls; annihilates people from the inside out. Why we subject ourselves to this pain, we may never know, but I know why I subjected myself to this feeling - for the beginning result, before the earth shattering arguments begin.

Everybody loves. Feels that spark within their heart whenever that special person comes near. Sometimes we never think that love at first sight could be real, it’s too much like a fairy tale. The couple lock eyes, they talk, the kiss, they become engaged, they have the huge wedding, they then live happily ever after in the castle in the sky. What we don’t know is that it could and might happen; it’s no longer in fairy tales and bedtime stories. Love at first sight is real, because it happened to me. After so many long years, I have that life, the castle, the relationship, we even had a huge ceremony in the yard; it all started with one look into those emerald orbs, and I fell in love with him without even knowing his name. It’s a truly magical experience, and I truly wish for everyone to have that feeling deep within themselves.

Everybody dreams. Has visions at night, in which extraordinary things happen to them. Then they wake up and reality is a cruel slap to the face, knowing that what just went on, will never happen. Some people have dreams of flying, an action which could never take place with the physics that surrounds us; we can’t defy gravity in our normal everyday lives. Others spend their precious minutes of REM sleep envisioning a person, a soul that they’re connected with in such a way, that they’re all the person can think about. That’s how I was when we first met, when our gazes first entwined and our lives collided. Things were said in those dreams that I knew deep down somewhere, would never be said outside of my illusions of the mind. What I didn’t know, is that things ended up how I dreamt them to be anyways. By fate, by luck, by chance, by the aligning of the stars - I’m still not entirely sure.

Everybody chooses. Decides right then and there that they’re going to take the road not taken, instead of the beaten path. Choices are made every single day, and every single one affects our lives in one way another. A person finally decides to talk to that dream person, tell them how they feel - it could end in a flourishing relationship, or it could end in the opposite. Disaster. Turmoil. Depression. Therapy. Every little decision we make could come back to haunt us, even the simple choice of Fruit Loops or Golden Grahams? For me, I luckily made the choice that changed my life; I decided to tell him how I felt exactly. By far the hardest choice I’ve made, and yet, it was the best choice I’ve ever made, because it ended up in a love that could keep the world spinning if all else failed.

Everybody wonders. Thinks about how something could’ve gone, lying awake in bed hours after they should’ve fallen asleep, rewinding their day, analyzing it with a fine tooth comb. Maybe they rewind back the years, going over how many embarrassing moments they’ve had, until they can’t remember any farther back. After realizing that they could’ve or should’ve said something else, the right something else, they smack themselves in the forehead and belittle themselves on how they should think before they act. Many of nights I’ve done this, scrolling back the years in the hard drive of my mind, realizing how much a dope I probably seemed at the time. I go back to those first few things I said to him when we first started talking, and just shake my head at myself, wondering how he could have ever seen something in me to begin with. Every night, before I finally close my eyes to dream, I wonder why he chose me to be with for all of eternity, and then I look over and see his emerald eyes gazing at me, before he smiles and goes to sleep himself.

Everybody falls. Trips over their feet once and a while and stumbles before crashing face first into concrete. Most of the time, they slip on the drool puddle at their feet when they see that special person, and of course, they make a complete ass of themselves by attempting to keep upright, when it only makes the situation worse. Laughs ensue. Blushes appear on apples of cheeks. Falling can also be taken in the complete opposite direction; a person can fall hard and fast for someone else. It doesn’t take much in certain cases, a simple smile, wink, or even the rumble of laughter can push someone right into the valley of infatuation. Some fall hard. Others fall fast. Unfortunately, there are a delicate few who fall hard and fast for the person. That’s when it gets messy. I’m one of those people who fall both hard and fast, and that’s how it was when I first saw him. It was immediately that I felt that tug at my heartstrings, and I could feel myself hopelessly falling again. For my case, it all luckily worked out in the end, but I know when someone falls fast and hard, it could likely end in disaster.

Everybody forgives. Allows something to slide, no matter no absurd or stupid it was. It could have been a petty remark, something said out of spite, fatigue, anger, pure hilarity; a few words that weren’t meant but were felt hard deep down. Love forgives all, rules over all, and most of all makes you do the craziest things to be forgiven. It makes you beg on your knees like the despicable piece of dirt that you are for cheating on the love of your life, because it was only a one night stand, and hell, it was after that big fight that you had, and you never thought you’d get back together, because it was that big of a blow up, and oh God, please just take me back for the love of fucking Christ. It’s never pretty, believe me, I know all about it. The account just told was the one about us, the whole big fight leading to me having a one night stand, which ultimately led to me begging on my knees for him to take me back. Luckily, and after enough crying, screaming, and throwing a tantrum like a five year old wanting that special toy in the aisle of Toys ‘R’ Us, he took me back, on some conditions, that if  I did anything of the sort again, it would be over without a second glance.

Everybody hides. Is afraid of the worst happening and pretends not to care, pretends that everything is right in the world, when in all honesty, it’s not. They might hide in the little corner of their closet, rocking back and forth onto the bridge of sanity to insanity, or it could come as a simple breakdown - becoming afraid of what’s going to happen. It’s not that far of a leap though, becoming afraid of the future, because no one really knows what’s going to happen a second into the future, unless you’re a psychic who’s damn good, but fuck, even they make mistakes sometimes. Fear overwhelms someone, and they lash out, most likely at the ones they love the most, because they’re the closest to their hearts. I hid in my little bubble for a while, depression, fear, anxiety, stress, and rage consuming me, until the soapy mixture all floated to the bottom of the bubble, due to the gravity of it all, and it popped. As soon as the shimmering covering was gone, I snapped at the first person I came across - him. Words were said that I didn’t mean. I shouted things I never thought I’d say to him in my entire lifetime. He tried to console me, held me, and whispered soothing phrases in my ear as I screamed at the top of my lungs. I didn’t stop screaming until I lost my voice, trying to redeem him from years of torment and turmoil I thought were coming. He stayed by my side the entire time as tears ran rivers down my cheeks and into the berber carpet. The angst never came, and I finally stuck my head out of the turtle shell, and found that the years of tears weren’t going to come; it was all a figment of my imagination from the stress that I was facing.

Everybody changes. Steps out of themselves for a minute, an hour, a day, even a year, and finds something wrong with the person they see. They take dire action to change that person that they found staring back at them, to right the wrongs they’ve found. Sometimes the monster inside unleashes itself, and sometimes it can be calmed back into its cage. It depends on the person and their situation. My monster was locked up for good because the man I love most in this world helped me to change that horrible person I saw staring back at me when I stepped out of myself. I’ve changed for the better and I fully realize that, and I’m happy that I have, because who knows what could have happened if I didn’t. I might be out of the greatest love this universe has ever seen, and I’m glad I’m a part of that, because love can change us all for the better.

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