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I'm not in the best mood today and I decided to write the saddest thing I could master, something I can actually be proud of, something almost impossible for me to write because it is just that sad to me.
I don't own anything in this besides the story line, none of it ever happened, just teh creations of my imagination.
My onyl warning is not to read this if you are already in a fragile mood.
J. Jay
There are certain things you never wanna hear from your fiancé, from your lover. Certain things that not only break your heart but they break his as well every second he says it.
Two of those words are “it’s over” because we all know what that means, it means they aren’t going to be with you anymore, they aren’t going to be there every morning when you wake up, you won’t be able to be around them like you used to.
You might think to yourself “well we’ve been friends for years and barely started dating, we can at least still be friends” but you know your kidding yourself, you know deep down that the only chance for a friendship would rely on being able to still hold them, still kiss them, still do all those intimate things you used to do. Because for the first while, it’s going to hurt so much after hearing them tell you it’s over.
You’ll want comfort, you’ll both need it, but neither of you can be there to comfort the other because one of you fucked up royally while the other was the one who tells you it’s over.
You cheated on them and they couldn’t deal with it, you cheated on them while you were engaged that probably hurt even worse then if you had done it before you proposed.
Their grief is so painful, seeing that look in their eyes knowing they wish nothing more but to be able to hate you, but you both know they can’t right now that they will continue loving you and hate every minute of it. You want nothing more but to take them in your arms and take all their pain away, but for once you can’t. You caused that pain and there’s nothing you can do about it, you just dully nod and let them tell you how much they wish they could hate you, pretending you can’t see their tears can’t see that look in their eyes.
You hate yourself so much for what you’ve done to them, you know they deserve so much better then you, but part of you can’t see that, part of you begs with everything you can think of to keep them in your life, to keep them yours. But your words fall on deaf ears they mean nothing to them anymore, your pain is something you deserve something they wish they could make just as bad as their own, they wish they could ruin your life just as you had ruined theirs.
Your tears won’t stop falling even after they leave, walk out that door, but it’s more then that to you, they walked out of your life, but you can’t do anything to stop it because you fucked up. You had to go off and cheat on them knowing how much it would hurt them. So answer me this, did that one night of sex mean anything to you? Was it worth it? You know damn well it wasn’t, nothing is worth losing them over and you know it, so why did you do it? Your answer was you were horny you wanted to get laid and the guy was there. So you cheated on them for a night of sex, and if you could you’d take it all back make everything okay, but you can’t.
You leave your house go to a few friends, you don’t realize it at the time but your saying goodbye to them, you have nothing left to live for with them gone so your going to end your life. You visit everyone you can think of, you put on this happy face and act like everything is all right, but they see that dead look in your eyes, they see that there is no longer that fiery life force burning in your eyes, there’s nothing just emptiness. A few of them ask you what happened but you tell them nothing, tell them that you just want to watch the movie or just sit in silence, that nothing could ever be wrong. They know you are lying but that matters nothing to you right now, you sit with the movie playing watching the screen, but you see none of it all you can think about it how you fucked up for the last time, how you were going to end everything in hopes of making your now ex lover happy. You are blind to the fact that your hurting everyone with these thoughts, hurting those that care about you and above all else if you go through with it you’ll be hurting your ex lover even more.
But you still continue on saying good bye to everyone, even though it only seems like you are going and visiting, you don’t even realize it’s you saying goodbye, not with your words or anything, you talk to them about the good times you used to have, all the things you used to do, you help them out with final problems, you pretend to be alright so they can have a small piece of happiness knowing that you do care about them even when shit has gone wrong.
You finally get back home after dark and he’s there. He looks like a complete wreck you want to throw your arms around him, but he’s only come for the last of his stuff. You feel numb by now, already made up your mind abut things, you don’t think you could cry anymore then you already have, but your wrong you still beg for him to stay with you, you promise everything you can think of and just tell him everything, but he still won’t hear you. You offer him a ride to his friends house where he is staying, he accepts. You sit there right next to him, but you’ve never felt so far apart, you remember the first time you went for a midnight drive in the car with him, it was still warm and so you had the top down on the convertible, you held hands and you tried to comfort him from certain things that had gone wrong in his life recently, you believe you helped in the small part, telling him what you had been thinking the whole time, he told you that you were the best thing to ever happen to him, but now you can imagine him wanting to take those words back, not meaning them anymore, but you know that’s not true he still loves you, but he just made the choice and decision that seemed right to him.
He opens the car door and you reach out to him, holding him there for that one last minute, telling him you’ll always love him and that you’ll always be his no matter what happens. He tells you he loves you back and gets out of the car, getting his stuff out of the trunk and then walking towards the house, he’s greeted immediately by his friend who throws his arms around him in a loving embrace, the friend turns and looks at you, he has a look of pity on his face, he knows how bad this is hurting both of you.
You ignore your tears as they start falling again as you drive off back home, you can barely see the road through your blurry vision, but you manage to get home safe.
The first thing you do is call your mother asking her if in the morning she could come and make sure your pets have food and water, she tells you she will and wonders why she needs to do that and asks where you will be going your only response…. Gone, and you hang up.
You walk around the house just looking at everything, stopping in your living room looking up at the picture of him and the band hanging over the mantle piece, it stings to see it there to remember so much of what you both had and to know it will be no more.
After wandering around you finally make your way into your bathroom, opening your medicine cabinet and pulling all your pills onto the bathroom counter, you reach into a drawer and pull out a razor as well setting it down. You stare numbly down at these things. You lock the bathroom door, beginning to put as many pills as you can swallow at a time in your mouth, until you think you’ve taken enough, you begin to cry again remembering everything about him, the feel of his long raven hair the look of joy on his green eyes, his smell the way his skin felt every time you had made love all the things you shared, you pick up the razor and drag it along your arms, pushing it in as deep as you can on both wrists, you collapse to the floor leaning against the door, your tears becoming loud sobbing not caring who might hear you… waiting for it all to be over.
Your friends find you first, they notice something amiss in the morning, your cat isn’t at your side there’s no coffee brewing and you aren’t in bed. They find the key to the bathroom and push the door open knocking you away from it. They can’t believe what they are seeing, can’t believe you would do that. They immediately call for help even though they can see that it’s already to late. They continue to wonder what went wrong what would cause you to do this, but they won’t ever get the answers they want, you didn’t leave a note hoping that everyone would see it as something you had no choice but to do, that you had lost everything and it was all your fault and this was the only way to make things right. No one else was to blame, but you know people would blame themselves, you just had no choice in your mind.
They call your lover last, he hangs up the phone after they tell him he sits alone for hours in the spare bedroom at his friends, not able to believe what he had just heard.
He remembers your promise that you had made together, that you would be together in death, he might have broken one promise but he wasn’t going to break this one. He called a cab and made his way back to your house, demanding to see you one last time. He shoved everyone out of the bathroom, wanting to be alone with you, he saw how you had done it and decided to take your lead with things, knowing soon you would be together again and nothing would pull you two apart ever again.
There would be no happiness for everyone else for a long time, but for the two of you, you could finally be together without any worries, it was how it was meant to be, but your final wish was that you wish it hadn’t come down to this, you both did, but at least you are together
I don't own anything in this besides the story line, none of it ever happened, just teh creations of my imagination.
My onyl warning is not to read this if you are already in a fragile mood.
J. Jay
There are certain things you never wanna hear from your fiancé, from your lover. Certain things that not only break your heart but they break his as well every second he says it.
Two of those words are “it’s over” because we all know what that means, it means they aren’t going to be with you anymore, they aren’t going to be there every morning when you wake up, you won’t be able to be around them like you used to.
You might think to yourself “well we’ve been friends for years and barely started dating, we can at least still be friends” but you know your kidding yourself, you know deep down that the only chance for a friendship would rely on being able to still hold them, still kiss them, still do all those intimate things you used to do. Because for the first while, it’s going to hurt so much after hearing them tell you it’s over.
You’ll want comfort, you’ll both need it, but neither of you can be there to comfort the other because one of you fucked up royally while the other was the one who tells you it’s over.
You cheated on them and they couldn’t deal with it, you cheated on them while you were engaged that probably hurt even worse then if you had done it before you proposed.
Their grief is so painful, seeing that look in their eyes knowing they wish nothing more but to be able to hate you, but you both know they can’t right now that they will continue loving you and hate every minute of it. You want nothing more but to take them in your arms and take all their pain away, but for once you can’t. You caused that pain and there’s nothing you can do about it, you just dully nod and let them tell you how much they wish they could hate you, pretending you can’t see their tears can’t see that look in their eyes.
You hate yourself so much for what you’ve done to them, you know they deserve so much better then you, but part of you can’t see that, part of you begs with everything you can think of to keep them in your life, to keep them yours. But your words fall on deaf ears they mean nothing to them anymore, your pain is something you deserve something they wish they could make just as bad as their own, they wish they could ruin your life just as you had ruined theirs.
Your tears won’t stop falling even after they leave, walk out that door, but it’s more then that to you, they walked out of your life, but you can’t do anything to stop it because you fucked up. You had to go off and cheat on them knowing how much it would hurt them. So answer me this, did that one night of sex mean anything to you? Was it worth it? You know damn well it wasn’t, nothing is worth losing them over and you know it, so why did you do it? Your answer was you were horny you wanted to get laid and the guy was there. So you cheated on them for a night of sex, and if you could you’d take it all back make everything okay, but you can’t.
You leave your house go to a few friends, you don’t realize it at the time but your saying goodbye to them, you have nothing left to live for with them gone so your going to end your life. You visit everyone you can think of, you put on this happy face and act like everything is all right, but they see that dead look in your eyes, they see that there is no longer that fiery life force burning in your eyes, there’s nothing just emptiness. A few of them ask you what happened but you tell them nothing, tell them that you just want to watch the movie or just sit in silence, that nothing could ever be wrong. They know you are lying but that matters nothing to you right now, you sit with the movie playing watching the screen, but you see none of it all you can think about it how you fucked up for the last time, how you were going to end everything in hopes of making your now ex lover happy. You are blind to the fact that your hurting everyone with these thoughts, hurting those that care about you and above all else if you go through with it you’ll be hurting your ex lover even more.
But you still continue on saying good bye to everyone, even though it only seems like you are going and visiting, you don’t even realize it’s you saying goodbye, not with your words or anything, you talk to them about the good times you used to have, all the things you used to do, you help them out with final problems, you pretend to be alright so they can have a small piece of happiness knowing that you do care about them even when shit has gone wrong.
You finally get back home after dark and he’s there. He looks like a complete wreck you want to throw your arms around him, but he’s only come for the last of his stuff. You feel numb by now, already made up your mind abut things, you don’t think you could cry anymore then you already have, but your wrong you still beg for him to stay with you, you promise everything you can think of and just tell him everything, but he still won’t hear you. You offer him a ride to his friends house where he is staying, he accepts. You sit there right next to him, but you’ve never felt so far apart, you remember the first time you went for a midnight drive in the car with him, it was still warm and so you had the top down on the convertible, you held hands and you tried to comfort him from certain things that had gone wrong in his life recently, you believe you helped in the small part, telling him what you had been thinking the whole time, he told you that you were the best thing to ever happen to him, but now you can imagine him wanting to take those words back, not meaning them anymore, but you know that’s not true he still loves you, but he just made the choice and decision that seemed right to him.
He opens the car door and you reach out to him, holding him there for that one last minute, telling him you’ll always love him and that you’ll always be his no matter what happens. He tells you he loves you back and gets out of the car, getting his stuff out of the trunk and then walking towards the house, he’s greeted immediately by his friend who throws his arms around him in a loving embrace, the friend turns and looks at you, he has a look of pity on his face, he knows how bad this is hurting both of you.
You ignore your tears as they start falling again as you drive off back home, you can barely see the road through your blurry vision, but you manage to get home safe.
The first thing you do is call your mother asking her if in the morning she could come and make sure your pets have food and water, she tells you she will and wonders why she needs to do that and asks where you will be going your only response…. Gone, and you hang up.
You walk around the house just looking at everything, stopping in your living room looking up at the picture of him and the band hanging over the mantle piece, it stings to see it there to remember so much of what you both had and to know it will be no more.
After wandering around you finally make your way into your bathroom, opening your medicine cabinet and pulling all your pills onto the bathroom counter, you reach into a drawer and pull out a razor as well setting it down. You stare numbly down at these things. You lock the bathroom door, beginning to put as many pills as you can swallow at a time in your mouth, until you think you’ve taken enough, you begin to cry again remembering everything about him, the feel of his long raven hair the look of joy on his green eyes, his smell the way his skin felt every time you had made love all the things you shared, you pick up the razor and drag it along your arms, pushing it in as deep as you can on both wrists, you collapse to the floor leaning against the door, your tears becoming loud sobbing not caring who might hear you… waiting for it all to be over.
Your friends find you first, they notice something amiss in the morning, your cat isn’t at your side there’s no coffee brewing and you aren’t in bed. They find the key to the bathroom and push the door open knocking you away from it. They can’t believe what they are seeing, can’t believe you would do that. They immediately call for help even though they can see that it’s already to late. They continue to wonder what went wrong what would cause you to do this, but they won’t ever get the answers they want, you didn’t leave a note hoping that everyone would see it as something you had no choice but to do, that you had lost everything and it was all your fault and this was the only way to make things right. No one else was to blame, but you know people would blame themselves, you just had no choice in your mind.
They call your lover last, he hangs up the phone after they tell him he sits alone for hours in the spare bedroom at his friends, not able to believe what he had just heard.
He remembers your promise that you had made together, that you would be together in death, he might have broken one promise but he wasn’t going to break this one. He called a cab and made his way back to your house, demanding to see you one last time. He shoved everyone out of the bathroom, wanting to be alone with you, he saw how you had done it and decided to take your lead with things, knowing soon you would be together again and nothing would pull you two apart ever again.
There would be no happiness for everyone else for a long time, but for the two of you, you could finally be together without any worries, it was how it was meant to be, but your final wish was that you wish it hadn’t come down to this, you both did, but at least you are together