Title: In Joy and Sorrow
Rating: PG-13 - NC-17
Pairings: Implied Ville/Jonna, but final Bam Margera/Ville Valo
Summary: Bam and Ville are good friends, but Bam has always wondered if that would ever change. Maybe, his wish will come true, but at what price?
Disclaimer: Don’t own anyone or anything affiliated with Bam, Ville, HIM or their lives.
Hope you all enjoy the chapter! I will try to make it a habit of posting more frequently in the future and here are all the previous chapters in case you missed it.
One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve: Back in Finland
The violent roar of the engines caused Bam’s ears to throb and a horrid migraine to tear into his head. He held Ville close as the jet began to take off, the vibrations of the small plane shaking both men from side to side. Ville had his thin arms wrapped around Bam’s chest, holding the skater tightly, his head buried into the crook of Bam’s cold neck. The skater could feel Ville’s tears still rolling down his skin as the singer sobbed softly amongst all the noise.
Bam shut his eyes tightly as the plane moved upward. He had never liked the experience of take-off, but that combined with everything else that had just happened made him want to vomit. Once they had finally reached a decent pace in the air without turbulence, the only sound that could be heard was Ville Valo’s stifled sobs.
Bam ran his hands through Ville’s long black locks, pulling the singer closer to him and holding their bodies as if they were one. The man was in such a state that Bam had never seen before and this, combined with everything else was making Bam feel a guilt that ate at him.
After Ville had said he loved him back in the house, Bam merely stared at the singer stupidly. Ville repeated it again, but when Bam was unable to respond, he was horrified to see that Ville had begun crying again and Bam knew it had nothing to do with the news they heard about Mige. He had grabbed the singer and murmured that he loved him too, but Bam feared more damage had been done in his silence. Bam was beating himself up in his head for just not telling the singer he loved him back right away, instead of just sitting on the ground with his mouth half open.
But just as Bam had promised the man, they were out of Westchester in that same hour. Bam had grabbed their still unopened luggage that they bought with them on their first trip to the states and threw it in the waiting jet before running back inside the house to get Ville. He practically forced the still sobbing singer off the ground and into his arms, Bam managing to carry the exceptionally light Ville to the plane. Once they were secure inside he commanded the pilot to take off, thankful it was not the same one they had last time they traveled together.
And there they remained, Bam sitting on one of the more plush seats in the slightly vibrating jet, Ville held tightly in his arms. He kissed Ville’s cold cheek softly, wiping away a stream of tears running down Ville’s pale green-tinged skin. Bam glanced out a nearby window for a moment, the sun outside beginning to set and darkness falling slowly about the inside of the jet.
Bam wondered what the hell they were going to do when they landed in Finland. He wondered if Mige was alright…if the man was really dying or if he could possibly recover from whatever happened to him. He forced stinging tears in his eyes to go away, blinking in quick succession to drive them off.
He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he lost Mige, who was a dear friend of his, but definitely not as dear a friend as with Ville. Bam knew Mige and Ville had a close connection, a very deep connection that if broken would be devastating to the already self destructive singer.
He felt Ville tighten the grip around his chest, his cold cheek resting on Bam’s neck and Bam’s ribs pushing in, causing a slight pain in the skater. Bam let out a slow breath and continued to caress Ville’s soft hair, the older man finally ceasing his crying but his body still shaking slightly.
Ville glanced up at Bam, his eyes swollen and bloodshot, the delicate skin around his eyes the only color present on his face-a dark sickly pink. Ville sniffled softly and Bam surveyed the older man with concern. Ville looked worse for wear. Bam cupped his hands around Ville’s cold cheeks and pulled the singer up to his face gently. Ville looked away from Bam’s gaze but Bam still gave the singer a soft kiss on the lips.
Ville gasped slightly as Bam did this. Bam held the older man close.
“Everything will be alright Ville,” Bam whispered to the man, continually stroking his hair. “Everything will be alright.”
**
By the time they landed in the Finnish airport, Bam and Ville were fighting to stay awake. The jetlag they were experiencing was strong, but Bam made sure to counter it as soon as they got off the plane. The Finnish chill met them when they walked down the steps of the jet, the bitter cold biting at Bam’s exposed skin. He glanced over and saw Ville was shivering uncontrollably, his green eyes staring around at the metallic grey sky above them. It seemed to reflect their ominous mood.
The pilot grabbed their bags for them and set them outdoors on the landing strip next to the two men. Bam whispered his thanks to the pilot as the man turned around and went back to the plane. Ville walked over slowly to Bam, the expression on his face unreadable.
“I’ll get us a private car and we’ll grab some coffee to stay awake,” Bam told the singer, glancing up toward the stony face of the older man.
“I need to call Jonna to find out where Mige is,” Ville muttered gruffly, his lips barely moving.
Bam bent over and passed Ville his black traveling bag as the man took it slowly and dug through it to look for his cell. While he did this, Bam turned away, staring out ahead on the empty plane strip, the only thing behind them being Bam’s jet. There was a small, dark building in the distance. Bam sighed, wondering when the hell his car was going to arrive.
Bam checked the time on his watch and saw it was almost eight p.m. He had changed the time during the long plane ride, having nothing else to do and attempting to distract himself from the worry that was tearing him apart.
From behind him Bam could hear Ville speaking on his phone in soft Finnish, his deep voice strained with both pain and fatigue. Bam knew it must be horrible for Ville to have to speak to Jonna again, especially after the two had ended a long term relationship, and he knew it must have been made worse by the fact that Mige was seriously injured.
In the distance, Bam could hear another sound approaching. The sound of a car engine was oncoming and Bam stood on his tip-toes and was barely able to make out the silhouette of the black private car in the distance. Another rough breeze blew by and Bam wrapped his arms around himself, pulling the thin fabric of his Element hoodie closer to his shivering body.
He suddenly felt Ville’s body next to his and he looked to his right to see the singer standing next to him, his back rigid, his pale body shaking violently, his expression of pure agony.
“The car is almost here,” Bam whispered, glancing up at the singer who did not look back at him but merely pursed his thin lips together and nodded.
It took ten more minutes for the sleek black limousine to pull up directly in front of Ville and Bam. Both stared at their pale, frightened reflections in the black tinted windows. Bam glanced away as the short, bald driver came out, greeted them in Finnish and opened the car door for both men to get in. Bam grabbed both their traveling bags, threw them unceremoniously into the inside of the car before pulling Ville in with him, the door slamming behind them.
Ville immediately curled into a ball toward one of the corners of the car while Bam scooted over to the man and took him in his arms. He felt Ville begin to cry again, his sobs stifling into his hoodie.
“Shhh,” Bam murmured, gently stroking Ville’s hair. “It’s okay baby.”
Ville hiccupped and suddenly ceased his crying, sitting up straight and kissing Bam softly on his cheek without a word. Bam continually stroked Ville’s hair as the man rested on his lap. Bam told the driver if they could stop by a coffee shop to pick up espresso because he knew this would be a long night.
They drove by a small coffee house and the car came to a halt soon after. The driver got out of his seat, ventured into the shop and came back a few minutes later with two cups of steaming coffee in his hands, handing one each to Ville and Bam. Both thanked him softly, bitter cold wind coming in through the open door, causing both men to shiver uncontrollably again.
Then he said something in Finnish to Ville. Ville looked up at the driver, his expression stony once again. Ville muttered something back before the driver nodded and shut the car door without a word.
“What happened?” Bam asked, glancing over at Ville who was taking a long sip from his boiling hot coffee.
“He wanted to know what hospital to go to,” Ville said, his lips hardly moving once again.
“Oh,” Bam replied, his voice small.
“Jonna said he wasn’t looking good when I called her,” Ville continued, his face almost as white as the cup he was gripping.
Bam felt his heart give a painful pang against his chest.
“We can only hope for the best,” Bam said, feeling helpless and suddenly sick.
Ville did not reply, but Bam could see the tears were back in the singer’s eyes.
**
By the time they reached the hospital it was well past nine. The sun had sunken down completely in Finland, dark falling and a colder and more ferocious breeze to blowing through the country. The driver led the two men to the private section of the tall, huge hospital, Bam thankful that no one would see them. Ville walked stiffly in front of him, his back still up straight, his right hand clenching and unclenching, his left holding an almost finished cigarette.
The driver led them into the empty hallway, an odd light emanating from the lamps around the corridor. Bam stared down at the pale green carpet as the driver bid them farewell and then walked out into the cold night.
“Do you know what floor he’s on?” Bam whispered to Ville as the man threw his cigarette butt into a grey trash bin.
Ville nodded, staring around the completely empty hall. The walls were a harsh white, the carpet pale green, and very little furniture in the room. Toward the end of it, there were two metallic doors that signified the elevator. Both men walked toward it without a word, Ville pressing the button with his pale finger so the elevator could come down for them.
As the doors opened, Bam felt his heart racing, his palms suddenly becoming sweaty and his body felt faint. Ville pressed the number seven as the doors closed softly. The older man was leaning against one of the metal elevator walls, his hands visibly shaking. He was biting his lower lip so roughly that Bam feared he would break the delicate skin, but he said nothing to the older man. It felt as if it took forever to reach their destination, but when there was a small ding from the elevator, Bam wished it would have taken longer.
He was too frightened to go on. So was Ville. Both of them stood there, shaking and pale until they heard someone shout Ville’s name.
“Ville!” came a voice, sprinting into the elevator in a mess of long blonde dreadlocks.
It took Bam a moment to realize that Linde had just thrown himself into the elevator, him and Ville in a deep embrace. The two men did not separate for a full minute and when they did, Linde said something to Ville in Finnish, his normally soft, happy voice, pained and panicked.
Ville’s green eyes glanced over Linde, as if taking in the man’s appearance instead of his words. The guitarist looked incredibly tired, his normally porcelain skin now pasty and green like Ville’s. His dreads looked completely unkempt, as did his raggedy, dirty clothing.
Bam saw the HIM drummer Gas, and keyboardist Burton both seated on two plain black chairs in a small room. Gas had his head in his hands and was not looking up, while Burton kept toying with a bracelet he was wearing, his skin exceptionally pale. Every single one of them looked as if they were about to throw up.
Bam did not realize that Linde was calling his name until he felt a soft touch on his arm and he jumped. Linde was looking down at him, his grey eyes drooping and extremely tired.
“Hey,” Linde said, sighing. “Glad you came.”
“Yeah,” Bam replied, not knowing what else to say.
Linde led him and Ville outside the elevator without a word and into the small, white room where everyone else was. When they entered, Gas and Burton looked toward them immediately. Burton’s lips pursed together as Ville came to him and hugged him, kissing him softly on the cheek and doing the same with Gas. When they broke, both men greeted Bam weakly and the skater could merely wave feebly.
Bam glanced around the room, noticing there was another small hallway that was dimly lit. Bam was sure that was where Mige’s room was located. He looked away and at the band mates, all of them grief stricken, but none looking worse then Ville. The singer seemed torn to go and see how Mige was, but was also attempting to stop himself from crying at the same time.
When Bam looked around once more, he let out a soft gasp. In the dark corner, was Jonna. She was standing there; clothed in black, arms crossed, skin pale, not saying a word. She saw Bam and then merely nodded, looking too upset to speak. Bam wondered if Ville saw her and he turned to the singer only to see him glancing at Jonna without a word.
“Where’s Mige?” Ville finally asked aloud, breaking the silence in the tiny waiting room.
Linde pointed, without a word, toward the empty and dim hallway that Bam had glanced at moments before. Ville nodded and then took Bam’s hand, bringing the skater with him. Bam shivered despite himself at the ice of Ville’s skin on his, never having felt a person’s touch so cold before. As they walked past, Bam saw Jonna staring at them, almost indignant that they were holding hands in her presence, but Ville did not care.
They walked down the hall slowly, Ville’s hand shaking more and more with every step. They both stopped in front of a closed blue door, with the sign, “Ward 23” written on a small plaque in the center of the door. Bam pushed the door ajar slightly with his free hand until Ville completely opened it.
Both stepped in the dark, dim room with bated breath. From the moment he glanced over at Mige, Bam wished he hadn’t.
The bassist was lying unconscious on his white bed, hooked up to various machines that controlled his breathing and his heartrate, I.V.’s and wires going in every direction. His entire left arm was in a hard white cast, his right leg in one as well and it hung, supported by wires, in the air. Across his exposed chest were bandages that wrapped around the man’s marred and cut skin. His face was bruised, a huge gash over his forehead and down his blue cheek. Bam could not bite back the cry that escaped him and neither could Ville.
The man suddenly screamed without warning and began crying incessantly, scaring the shit out of Bam. He grabbed Ville just in time before the broken singer could hit the floor.
And Bam held Ville in horror, shock, and pain, the man’s wheezing cries echoing through the hall.
TBC!!