Newbie with fic:
Hey everybody. My name's Becca. I've been a lurker on here for about 5 months and I'm completely obsessed with this place. I finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to get a LJ just so I can post on here. So, here's my first Vam fic (for this site anyway).
Title: Answer
Pairing: Vam-ish
Rating: PG-13 (for strong angst)
Disclaimer: You know the drill...
Summary: What happens when you lose the one you love?
I suck at summaries, but if this made me cry it could make everyone else...
They were happy. When they met it was like a match made in Heaven. Everything was like a puzzle piece, it was perfect. They had fun, they were in love…and they were happy. But, that all changed after word spread to the media. Rumors surfaced and Bam was the first to deny it all. The words he said repeatedly, over and over again…”I’ll love you forever…no matter what happens I’ll always love you…” All gone, never happened according to Bam.
He had to maintain his image for his fans. He couldn’t love a man. It was disgusting. How could he love a man, let alone Ville? He kept insisting they were “just friends.” It got so bad that they decided they shouldn’t see each other anymore. Bam decided…Bam did. Not Ville. Ville could care less about what the media thought.
“Listen…we shouldn’t do this anymore…”
“But…But…I thought…”
“No, Vil’, alright? It’s…It’s over.”
“But…You…You said…that you loved me…”
“I say a lot of things…”
That was the last time he saw Bam. It was also the last time he ever felt his heart beat. He had died right then. Ever since he knew it wasn’t worth it. The love of his life shattered his heart and didn’t seem to care at all. Ville was dead, and he knew it. The question was, did Bam?
Ville sat on the cold, tile floor of his bathroom in his Helsinki apartment wondering what to do with himself. He couldn’t live without Bam. It just wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth it anymore. It was over.
Breathing in deeply, Ville picked up the crumpled piece of paper next to him and re-read the confessions he had written down.
I’m so sorry…I’m not strong enough for this life. Everyday I feel like I’m being eaten alive and there doesn’t seem to be an end to it all. Everything’s just too hard. Maybe I’m just too weak. I’ve never been clear on that. Some may consider me to be heartless and weak for doing this, but they’re not in my shoes. They’re not living with a dead soul. They don’t know what it feels like not to feel at all. I don’t know what to do anymore. It hurts too much. I can’t take it. I’d give anything just to be normal again. I’m not sure when I stopped being normal and got to this point, but I know now that there’s no turning back. I just want the pain to stop. I’m sorry…I swear to God, I’m sorry.
Putting it back down, Ville reached into a nearby drawer and pulled out a razor. He slowly brought it to his right wrist, lightly touching his first tattoo. Suddenly, he burst into tears and started sobbing on the ground.
“Oh God…why doesn’t he love me?! I want him so bad…I love him so much…it’s not fair…why can’t he be here with me?!” Ville pounded his palms on the white floor as he continued to beg God to help him. “I can’t do this…I can’t live without him…I don’t know what to do…” Looking over, he weakly grabbed his razor again. His tears fell onto his pale wrist as he shakily pushed down onto his skin. It didn’t hurt much. Just a little sting here and there, but nothing too horrible. Not soon after, he completed the other wrist.
Ville relaxed back against the sink as his crimson self came flowing faster than he expected. His heart began to beat faster, realizing what he had just done. There really was no turning back.
“Oh my God…oh God…no…”His tears became bigger as his breath became shorter. “No…I…I didn’t get to say goodbye…I don’t wanna go yet…please…” The blood was pouring now, despite Ville’s pleas. It was too late. All of it was too late. “What’d I do…I pushed…too hard…I…I don’t wanna go…I’m scared…”
Ville sank further onto the ground as the blood loss started to kick in. Things were becoming blurry and it was harder for him to hear the sounds around him. He knew it was over. All of his pain and suffering would be over…except he was feeling the loss of Bam harder now. He desperately wanted Bam to burst in and save him, to tell him that it was going to be alright…to hug him, to kiss him, to love him…but he didn’t come. No one came. And Ville’s worst fear was born…he died alone.
**************************************************
I know it's short, sorry. I'm not sure if I'll make a second chapter. It all depends on what you guys think.
Title: Answer
Pairing: Vam-ish
Rating: PG-13 (for strong angst)
Disclaimer: You know the drill...
Summary: What happens when you lose the one you love?
I suck at summaries, but if this made me cry it could make everyone else...
They were happy. When they met it was like a match made in Heaven. Everything was like a puzzle piece, it was perfect. They had fun, they were in love…and they were happy. But, that all changed after word spread to the media. Rumors surfaced and Bam was the first to deny it all. The words he said repeatedly, over and over again…”I’ll love you forever…no matter what happens I’ll always love you…” All gone, never happened according to Bam.
He had to maintain his image for his fans. He couldn’t love a man. It was disgusting. How could he love a man, let alone Ville? He kept insisting they were “just friends.” It got so bad that they decided they shouldn’t see each other anymore. Bam decided…Bam did. Not Ville. Ville could care less about what the media thought.
“Listen…we shouldn’t do this anymore…”
“But…But…I thought…”
“No, Vil’, alright? It’s…It’s over.”
“But…You…You said…that you loved me…”
“I say a lot of things…”
That was the last time he saw Bam. It was also the last time he ever felt his heart beat. He had died right then. Ever since he knew it wasn’t worth it. The love of his life shattered his heart and didn’t seem to care at all. Ville was dead, and he knew it. The question was, did Bam?
Ville sat on the cold, tile floor of his bathroom in his Helsinki apartment wondering what to do with himself. He couldn’t live without Bam. It just wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth it anymore. It was over.
Breathing in deeply, Ville picked up the crumpled piece of paper next to him and re-read the confessions he had written down.
I’m so sorry…I’m not strong enough for this life. Everyday I feel like I’m being eaten alive and there doesn’t seem to be an end to it all. Everything’s just too hard. Maybe I’m just too weak. I’ve never been clear on that. Some may consider me to be heartless and weak for doing this, but they’re not in my shoes. They’re not living with a dead soul. They don’t know what it feels like not to feel at all. I don’t know what to do anymore. It hurts too much. I can’t take it. I’d give anything just to be normal again. I’m not sure when I stopped being normal and got to this point, but I know now that there’s no turning back. I just want the pain to stop. I’m sorry…I swear to God, I’m sorry.
Putting it back down, Ville reached into a nearby drawer and pulled out a razor. He slowly brought it to his right wrist, lightly touching his first tattoo. Suddenly, he burst into tears and started sobbing on the ground.
“Oh God…why doesn’t he love me?! I want him so bad…I love him so much…it’s not fair…why can’t he be here with me?!” Ville pounded his palms on the white floor as he continued to beg God to help him. “I can’t do this…I can’t live without him…I don’t know what to do…” Looking over, he weakly grabbed his razor again. His tears fell onto his pale wrist as he shakily pushed down onto his skin. It didn’t hurt much. Just a little sting here and there, but nothing too horrible. Not soon after, he completed the other wrist.
Ville relaxed back against the sink as his crimson self came flowing faster than he expected. His heart began to beat faster, realizing what he had just done. There really was no turning back.
“Oh my God…oh God…no…”His tears became bigger as his breath became shorter. “No…I…I didn’t get to say goodbye…I don’t wanna go yet…please…” The blood was pouring now, despite Ville’s pleas. It was too late. All of it was too late. “What’d I do…I pushed…too hard…I…I don’t wanna go…I’m scared…”
Ville sank further onto the ground as the blood loss started to kick in. Things were becoming blurry and it was harder for him to hear the sounds around him. He knew it was over. All of his pain and suffering would be over…except he was feeling the loss of Bam harder now. He desperately wanted Bam to burst in and save him, to tell him that it was going to be alright…to hug him, to kiss him, to love him…but he didn’t come. No one came. And Ville’s worst fear was born…he died alone.
**************************************************
I know it's short, sorry. I'm not sure if I'll make a second chapter. It all depends on what you guys think.