Never Dote on the Past, Only on the Future
"Never Dote on the Past, Only on the Future"
Author: Jordan
Pairing: Vam
Rating: uhh PG at the most
Summary: Ever needed to vent, write down your feelings, get it all out. I did, and it seemed fitting to mold it into a Vam, because it just seemed to fit. Ville remembers his past, the hardships of his adolesence, and how the pain subsided when he happened to meet a certain skater.
Notes: This is kind of a personal story, it goes through what Ive been through. Basically a ficlet, that came to me when I was in my favorite place to think... the shower.
Ville's POV, because I love him oh so much. More notes after.
Comments= Chapter 9 of Waiting being written faster
"Never Dote on the Past, Only on the Future"
Have you ever felt that you were going to be alone all of your life, that no one was ever going to love you no matter what you did? Ever felt so lonely that the only one who would ever understand you was that stuffed animal you’ve had since you were a little kid?
I have.
I always felt that no one was going to love me for who I was, that I was going to be alone all of my life, living in a cardboard box, ready and willing to die.
My stuffed animal’s name was Fluffy and was a blue elephant I got from my Uncle Mikko when I was four. I still have him to this day, and he’s been there for me through good times and bad.
Fluffy was the only one I could trust, the only one who would understand what I said, and he couldn’t say anything back… because Fluffy’s an inanimate object, who just sits where ever I put him.
When I cried myself to sleep at night, I held Fluffy, and cried my hot tears of acid into him.
I remember my first crush my first year of high school, I liked this girl so much, and finally got up the nerve to tell her, and all she said was “I just like you as a friend, sorry.” That night I held Fluffy while cried my tears of hatred, and cried to anyone who would listen, “Why? Why does it always happen to me?!?” In between my racked sobs that shook me, and Fluffy in my arms. Fluffy just looked at me with his light green painted on eyes, and said nothing, because he was just made of stuffing and had no feelings.
The year that came after wasn’t a good one, I fell into pit of depression, started cutting. All because I felt that I didn’t belong. The blood the came out of me reminded me that I was human, and not the shell of a once happy boy.
My parents found out about me… sent me to therapy. Six weeks of lying through my ass. Told the lady I only cut once… in reality I did it over 50 times. The sessions got too expensive, and my parents pulled me out, if I promised not to do it again. I did. But my father didn’t trust me, still doesn’t with even a pair of scissors.
I got older, fell in love with music. I channeled all my hatred, depression, and how I felt into lyrics. They eased the pain of how I felt.
Until I was twenty-three I felt alone. Still thought that no one could ever love me as much as I loved them. I gave up on love since I was rejected that time.
Until I met him. I met that blue eyed man known as Bam Margera in May of 2000. I loved him since the moment I saw him. What I didn’t know till five months later was that he loved me too. I heard it from a friend of his, Ryan Dunn, who told Linde, the lead guitarist in our band, HIM, who finally told me, after I forced it out of him.
It was the first time in almost a decade that I thought I could love again. Bam showed me how to love again. He was my guiding light, and kept me going through the bad times, and made me happy through the good ones.
We’re happy together, and that fear of being alone is gone. I know that I’ll always have someone by my side, and that’s Bam.
I still have Fluffy though. He sits on my bed in my apartment in Helsinki, always there if I have a problem. Ready to absorb my acid tears if another bad time comes about.
Bam wonders why I still keep Fluffy, since it is a childish thing to keep, but I just tell him that he was an important part of my life once. He always asks what happened in my past but I tell him one thing and he understands.
“Never dote on the past my love, only think of the future and what is to come.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: My stuffed animal was a pink elephant named Fluffy, and he sits on my bed and I got Fluffy from my Uncle Mike when I was 4.
I got depressed because a guuy I liked for two years rejected me.
All of it's true up to the part about being 23 years old. Im 15. And I do feel that Im going to be alone. Happy life I have, eh?
Comments= ♥ and me writing Chapter 9 of "Waiting" quicker
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed
Jordan- out.
Author: Jordan
Pairing: Vam
Rating: uhh PG at the most
Summary: Ever needed to vent, write down your feelings, get it all out. I did, and it seemed fitting to mold it into a Vam, because it just seemed to fit. Ville remembers his past, the hardships of his adolesence, and how the pain subsided when he happened to meet a certain skater.
Notes: This is kind of a personal story, it goes through what Ive been through. Basically a ficlet, that came to me when I was in my favorite place to think... the shower.
Ville's POV, because I love him oh so much. More notes after.
Comments= Chapter 9 of Waiting being written faster
"Never Dote on the Past, Only on the Future"
Have you ever felt that you were going to be alone all of your life, that no one was ever going to love you no matter what you did? Ever felt so lonely that the only one who would ever understand you was that stuffed animal you’ve had since you were a little kid?
I have.
I always felt that no one was going to love me for who I was, that I was going to be alone all of my life, living in a cardboard box, ready and willing to die.
My stuffed animal’s name was Fluffy and was a blue elephant I got from my Uncle Mikko when I was four. I still have him to this day, and he’s been there for me through good times and bad.
Fluffy was the only one I could trust, the only one who would understand what I said, and he couldn’t say anything back… because Fluffy’s an inanimate object, who just sits where ever I put him.
When I cried myself to sleep at night, I held Fluffy, and cried my hot tears of acid into him.
I remember my first crush my first year of high school, I liked this girl so much, and finally got up the nerve to tell her, and all she said was “I just like you as a friend, sorry.” That night I held Fluffy while cried my tears of hatred, and cried to anyone who would listen, “Why? Why does it always happen to me?!?” In between my racked sobs that shook me, and Fluffy in my arms. Fluffy just looked at me with his light green painted on eyes, and said nothing, because he was just made of stuffing and had no feelings.
The year that came after wasn’t a good one, I fell into pit of depression, started cutting. All because I felt that I didn’t belong. The blood the came out of me reminded me that I was human, and not the shell of a once happy boy.
My parents found out about me… sent me to therapy. Six weeks of lying through my ass. Told the lady I only cut once… in reality I did it over 50 times. The sessions got too expensive, and my parents pulled me out, if I promised not to do it again. I did. But my father didn’t trust me, still doesn’t with even a pair of scissors.
I got older, fell in love with music. I channeled all my hatred, depression, and how I felt into lyrics. They eased the pain of how I felt.
Until I was twenty-three I felt alone. Still thought that no one could ever love me as much as I loved them. I gave up on love since I was rejected that time.
Until I met him. I met that blue eyed man known as Bam Margera in May of 2000. I loved him since the moment I saw him. What I didn’t know till five months later was that he loved me too. I heard it from a friend of his, Ryan Dunn, who told Linde, the lead guitarist in our band, HIM, who finally told me, after I forced it out of him.
It was the first time in almost a decade that I thought I could love again. Bam showed me how to love again. He was my guiding light, and kept me going through the bad times, and made me happy through the good ones.
We’re happy together, and that fear of being alone is gone. I know that I’ll always have someone by my side, and that’s Bam.
I still have Fluffy though. He sits on my bed in my apartment in Helsinki, always there if I have a problem. Ready to absorb my acid tears if another bad time comes about.
Bam wonders why I still keep Fluffy, since it is a childish thing to keep, but I just tell him that he was an important part of my life once. He always asks what happened in my past but I tell him one thing and he understands.
“Never dote on the past my love, only think of the future and what is to come.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: My stuffed animal was a pink elephant named Fluffy, and he sits on my bed and I got Fluffy from my Uncle Mike when I was 4.
I got depressed because a guuy I liked for two years rejected me.
All of it's true up to the part about being 23 years old. Im 15. And I do feel that Im going to be alone. Happy life I have, eh?
Comments= ♥ and me writing Chapter 9 of "Waiting" quicker
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed
Jordan- out.