Pursuit of Perfection
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: DK,DO,NH
Summary: God. How am I gonna write a summary about this without giving out too much information? Erm. It's gonna involve a child, but it's definitly no Mpreg, there's gonna be smut, death/murder and desparation. And there're going to be damn tight leather pants tehe *.* But the actual plot is still more important (to me, at least) and hopefully interesting.
Chapter 1
- Pursuit of Perfection -
Chapter 2
“W-what?” Bam asked, struggling hard to keep his thoughts together. Cheated? As in, slept with another person? Kissed one? Why? When? Where? How? His brain was racing.
Meanwhile, Ville cried harder and clutched at him for dear live, probably assuming it might be for the very last time and expecting to be pushed away forever.
Bam gently laid his hands on his shoulders and willed him to sit upright.
“Please love. Talk to me!”
Ville wiped away his tears as good as possible and nodded. “I... , I never wanted it to happen, really, I didn’t, I was just drunk, and so frustrated and ...”
“Slowly, Ville, one by one.”
“Does it even matter?” Ville asked miserably, but Bam just wrinkled his eyebrows cluelessly.
“Well, what is it going to change if you know all the embarrassing details? I know it is all my fault, and I will put up with the consequences. All you need to know is that I am so very sorry that I hurt you, and that it was never my intention to do so. And that I will always love you, but I know I fucked it up for good. I won’t ask you to forgive me Bam. I’ll leave.”
Bam shook his head, letting tears wash over his face without restraint. It all happened way too fast; he hadn’t even considered splitting up as an option. In fact he had never ever considered it an option.
“No Ville, please. I need to know.”
Ville sighed, feeling weak and almost like wanting to die. Life was useless without love anyway, and he had risked it carelessly. He only deserved to die. But of course, Bam had the right to know how he had been cheated on. Not like that would make it any better - not at all.
“I... we played this gig in Moscow, in Russia on May 16th. I don’t know if you remember, but we had had this ... argument over the phone earlier that day and I just, I dunno.”
Bam winced. Yes, he remembered that argument very well. It hadn’t been anything remarkable really, but they had both gotten pretty pissy and just snapped at each other over the phone. It had been the kind of argument that just belonged to real relationships, though, the kind that was usually forgotten the next day. Never had he assumed that it would drive Ville into something like cheating.
“I fucked up the concert after that. Completely. I don’t exactly know why, I just couldn’t get the words straight and my voice must’ve sounded more than fucked. It was starting to annoy both the public and me, so sooner or later I decided to cancel the show and leave... and that’s when I ended up in this goddamned Russian bar, drinking way too much vodka and whatnot. But I know that being drunk is no excuse Bam, I know. I shouldn’t have let it happen either way.
But ... but I did. I don’t know why. I don’t even know how we met, it just felt so comforting to have something to hold onto, something warm and human you know. And so she...”
Ville stopped. Yes, he had expected this kind of reaction. Bam’s expression went from sad, to blank, to perplexed.
“She?”
Ville dropped his gaze. “Yes. She, Irina.”
Bam shook his head slowly and wrapped his arms around himself, giving up some of the touch with Ville. He just hadn’t had expected Ville’s one-night to be female, even though both he and his boyfriend considered themselves ‘bi’.
Ville swallowed. He couldn’t tell Bam the final part. He couldn’t admit the whole truth, couldn’t admit that there was more to the whole thing than just the fact that he had had sex with a female stranger.
“Bam... there’s one more thing...”
Bam looked up at him, his whole face flushed red from crying and his blue eyes stirring. He didn’t say a word. He couldn’t.
In lack of willpower to say it out loud himself, Ville picked up his pants from the floor next to the bed and pulled out a small piece of paper. “She wrote me a letter yesterday.” He held the latter out to Bam, who took it with shaking hands and read. It wasn’t a long letter; just a note written in awful grammar probably due to the fact that the chick - Irina - was Russian and thus not a native speaker. The message however, was clear.
Bam handed the letter back to Ville without looking at him, just stared into nowhere.
“Bam?”
But the skater didn’t answer. What he had read gave the whole situation a whole new twist. The image of one word scribbled in Irina’s sketchy handwriting stuck to his mind like superglue: pregnant. A child on its way to the world. And no, there had been no other men in said time, it was beyond doubt that Ville was the father.
Bam felt renewed tears falling from his eyes and onto his knees, but he couldn’t care less. It just hurt too much. It broke something deep inside him. Of course he knew none of it had been intentional, or was part of a ‘plan’, but it fitted in perfectly. Kids were the only thing Bam could never give Vile, no own ones at least. And Ville had always said that he wanted kids, and that, yes, adopting was an option he’d take into consideration one day, but that it was still a lot different from ‘creating’ an own child, part of your blood.
Minutes later, Bam noticed that Ville had left his spot next to him and put his clothes back on, standing next to the bed. He obviously had no clue what to do.
“Bam?” he asked quietly, not daring to look him in the eye.
“Yes.” Cold as ice. Hurt like fire hurts.
“I’ll leave now.”
Bam nodded. If it was Ville’s innermost wish to leave, he would be the last person to stop him. “Just one more thing Ville...?” he asked when the singer had already grabbed the doorknob, “Would you have still told me that you cheated if she had not been pregnant? Or would you’ve kept it a secret?”
“I would’ve told you.” Ville answered honestly. He wouldn’t have been able to live with a lie like that.
“Good.” Bam sighed, “I wish you and your child the best.”
“What?!” Ville turned on his heel, “My what?”
Bam wrinkled his eyebrows. “Your child. I know you; you’re going to take care of it not just pay the girl an amount of money and leave it at that.”
“But it’s not even born yet...”
“I took the letter that she’s carrying it to full term.”
Ville shook his head sadly. “No. She’s letting me decide.”
Bam didn’t know how to react. He desperately wanted to know how Ville had decided, but he hadn’t got the slightest clue how to ask that. Especially since secretly, he already knew the answer.
As Ville made attempts to leave again, Bam finally choked out a “What did you decide then?” not raising his voice.
Hesitating, Ville said: “I haven’t decided anything yet.”
“You could raise it, you know. We could, if you still want me.” Bam said quietly, making Ville gasp. If anything, he had not expected to be given that choice. He had assumed that he and Bam would split up for good, and that the skater would hate him for breaking his heart.
“What are you talking about ... I will always want you ... but I ... I cheated...”
“Yes, and it’s not easy to accept.” Bam got up and approached Ville, hugging him carefully, “But I know you love me, and as long as we love each other, we can overcome everything, ok?”
Ville let himself cry. “That was like, the sweetest thing you’ve ever said.”
“It is the truth.”
A/N: And now I'm off to see HIM in concert LOL!
Disclaimer: DK,DO,NH
Summary: God. How am I gonna write a summary about this without giving out too much information? Erm. It's gonna involve a child, but it's definitly no Mpreg, there's gonna be smut, death/murder and desparation. And there're going to be damn tight leather pants tehe *.* But the actual plot is still more important (to me, at least) and hopefully interesting.
Chapter 1
- Pursuit of Perfection -
Chapter 2
“W-what?” Bam asked, struggling hard to keep his thoughts together. Cheated? As in, slept with another person? Kissed one? Why? When? Where? How? His brain was racing.
Meanwhile, Ville cried harder and clutched at him for dear live, probably assuming it might be for the very last time and expecting to be pushed away forever.
Bam gently laid his hands on his shoulders and willed him to sit upright.
“Please love. Talk to me!”
Ville wiped away his tears as good as possible and nodded. “I... , I never wanted it to happen, really, I didn’t, I was just drunk, and so frustrated and ...”
“Slowly, Ville, one by one.”
“Does it even matter?” Ville asked miserably, but Bam just wrinkled his eyebrows cluelessly.
“Well, what is it going to change if you know all the embarrassing details? I know it is all my fault, and I will put up with the consequences. All you need to know is that I am so very sorry that I hurt you, and that it was never my intention to do so. And that I will always love you, but I know I fucked it up for good. I won’t ask you to forgive me Bam. I’ll leave.”
Bam shook his head, letting tears wash over his face without restraint. It all happened way too fast; he hadn’t even considered splitting up as an option. In fact he had never ever considered it an option.
“No Ville, please. I need to know.”
Ville sighed, feeling weak and almost like wanting to die. Life was useless without love anyway, and he had risked it carelessly. He only deserved to die. But of course, Bam had the right to know how he had been cheated on. Not like that would make it any better - not at all.
“I... we played this gig in Moscow, in Russia on May 16th. I don’t know if you remember, but we had had this ... argument over the phone earlier that day and I just, I dunno.”
Bam winced. Yes, he remembered that argument very well. It hadn’t been anything remarkable really, but they had both gotten pretty pissy and just snapped at each other over the phone. It had been the kind of argument that just belonged to real relationships, though, the kind that was usually forgotten the next day. Never had he assumed that it would drive Ville into something like cheating.
“I fucked up the concert after that. Completely. I don’t exactly know why, I just couldn’t get the words straight and my voice must’ve sounded more than fucked. It was starting to annoy both the public and me, so sooner or later I decided to cancel the show and leave... and that’s when I ended up in this goddamned Russian bar, drinking way too much vodka and whatnot. But I know that being drunk is no excuse Bam, I know. I shouldn’t have let it happen either way.
But ... but I did. I don’t know why. I don’t even know how we met, it just felt so comforting to have something to hold onto, something warm and human you know. And so she...”
Ville stopped. Yes, he had expected this kind of reaction. Bam’s expression went from sad, to blank, to perplexed.
“She?”
Ville dropped his gaze. “Yes. She, Irina.”
Bam shook his head slowly and wrapped his arms around himself, giving up some of the touch with Ville. He just hadn’t had expected Ville’s one-night to be female, even though both he and his boyfriend considered themselves ‘bi’.
Ville swallowed. He couldn’t tell Bam the final part. He couldn’t admit the whole truth, couldn’t admit that there was more to the whole thing than just the fact that he had had sex with a female stranger.
“Bam... there’s one more thing...”
Bam looked up at him, his whole face flushed red from crying and his blue eyes stirring. He didn’t say a word. He couldn’t.
In lack of willpower to say it out loud himself, Ville picked up his pants from the floor next to the bed and pulled out a small piece of paper. “She wrote me a letter yesterday.” He held the latter out to Bam, who took it with shaking hands and read. It wasn’t a long letter; just a note written in awful grammar probably due to the fact that the chick - Irina - was Russian and thus not a native speaker. The message however, was clear.
Bam handed the letter back to Ville without looking at him, just stared into nowhere.
“Bam?”
But the skater didn’t answer. What he had read gave the whole situation a whole new twist. The image of one word scribbled in Irina’s sketchy handwriting stuck to his mind like superglue: pregnant. A child on its way to the world. And no, there had been no other men in said time, it was beyond doubt that Ville was the father.
Bam felt renewed tears falling from his eyes and onto his knees, but he couldn’t care less. It just hurt too much. It broke something deep inside him. Of course he knew none of it had been intentional, or was part of a ‘plan’, but it fitted in perfectly. Kids were the only thing Bam could never give Vile, no own ones at least. And Ville had always said that he wanted kids, and that, yes, adopting was an option he’d take into consideration one day, but that it was still a lot different from ‘creating’ an own child, part of your blood.
Minutes later, Bam noticed that Ville had left his spot next to him and put his clothes back on, standing next to the bed. He obviously had no clue what to do.
“Bam?” he asked quietly, not daring to look him in the eye.
“Yes.” Cold as ice. Hurt like fire hurts.
“I’ll leave now.”
Bam nodded. If it was Ville’s innermost wish to leave, he would be the last person to stop him. “Just one more thing Ville...?” he asked when the singer had already grabbed the doorknob, “Would you have still told me that you cheated if she had not been pregnant? Or would you’ve kept it a secret?”
“I would’ve told you.” Ville answered honestly. He wouldn’t have been able to live with a lie like that.
“Good.” Bam sighed, “I wish you and your child the best.”
“What?!” Ville turned on his heel, “My what?”
Bam wrinkled his eyebrows. “Your child. I know you; you’re going to take care of it not just pay the girl an amount of money and leave it at that.”
“But it’s not even born yet...”
“I took the letter that she’s carrying it to full term.”
Ville shook his head sadly. “No. She’s letting me decide.”
Bam didn’t know how to react. He desperately wanted to know how Ville had decided, but he hadn’t got the slightest clue how to ask that. Especially since secretly, he already knew the answer.
As Ville made attempts to leave again, Bam finally choked out a “What did you decide then?” not raising his voice.
Hesitating, Ville said: “I haven’t decided anything yet.”
“You could raise it, you know. We could, if you still want me.” Bam said quietly, making Ville gasp. If anything, he had not expected to be given that choice. He had assumed that he and Bam would split up for good, and that the skater would hate him for breaking his heart.
“What are you talking about ... I will always want you ... but I ... I cheated...”
“Yes, and it’s not easy to accept.” Bam got up and approached Ville, hugging him carefully, “But I know you love me, and as long as we love each other, we can overcome everything, ok?”
Ville let himself cry. “That was like, the sweetest thing you’ve ever said.”
“It is the truth.”
A/N: And now I'm off to see HIM in concert LOL!