I'm just filled with ficlets today....
Title: The pain I caused myself
Paring: Vam
Discription: What happens after Bam and Ville break up a third time in three years?.....Really that's all I can tell you. So Read it!
Author: Silent_graves
Dedication: To Everyone in the Vam community cause...well I can!
A/N: I do not own Ville or Bam or April or the CKY crew.....Or Phil....I do not own the song in this fic either. The song belongs to The Rasmus, it's called, "Funeral Song".
Bam sat looking out the window. The sky was blackened and rain fell silently upon the ground. Watching his lover get into a black car and drive away…again. The third time in their secret romance. The romance slowly falling apart. The romance they had in the beginning was everything. Secret from fans and friends. Only did two people know of this romance. Their ex girlfriends. But, it was all in the past. They would date and drink. It was normal. Normal enough for them. This time felt different. Like they would never see each other again. Their fighting had gotten so bad everyone knew. Except for the fans. But friends and family all knew of their secret.
Bam was always coming home drunk. Brushing him off and laying in bed. Never talking to him. He would ignore him as if he wasn’t even alive. Then his lover started to cut and do drugs. He spiraled all because of Bam. Big help Bam was. He kept hurting the person he loved the most. The person who meant the most to him. Everyone knew Bam loved him more than he could show. It hurt Bam every time he’d leave.
I dumped you again
I don’t understand
It’s happened before
Can’t take it no more
Silently his tears fell. He held the empty bottle in his hands once again. He was hurting and that’s how he would escape. Drink his troubles away. Until it became too much for his lover. Three times it became too much. He’d be back though. Bam would love him for a few months and then it would go sour. Sour because of Bam. Because of his problem. His lover always told him he needed to get help. Bam said he was fine. Shrugged it off like the famous Bam Margera would do.
The famous Bam Margera. Nothing could touch him. He was invincible. Never knowing true pain. True pain was something he discovered when he started going out with his lover. He would hurt when his lover would cry. He’s hurt every time something bad would happen to his lover. It was true pain Bam had grown to know. Something he wished he could have never sampled. But he always had. Always would sample it. He would always taste its vial poison. It would burn him inside. That was how it worked.
These foolish games
Always end up in confusion
I’ll take you back
Just to leave you once again
He kept staring out the window. Realism finally set in. He was gone for good this time. Unless Bam got the help he needed. He raised the arm with the bottle and threw it. Shattering against the wall. Bam looked at it as if it was his hopes and dreams. Everything shattered because of his problem. His show tanked. His skating career, gone. His lover who meant everything to him, gone. All of it was gone. He kept getting money though because some new teen would find his show and buy up the stuff still out there. He knew the familiar scent of defeat all too well now. It was surrounding him like a fire. A fire he couldn’t get off. He stood up and looked down at the ground once more. No sign of that black car. He walked over to the pirate bar.
The only person who still cared for him sitting there kitting. His mother April was the only one who still could find pieces of her son. He son she lost after his first bad break-up with his lover. He silently went into her open arms and cried. He cried, for the first time in three years. She got exactly what he needed. They walked slowly upstairs and got his things packed. He felt his heart sink. But, he was doing this for a love that he wanted more than anything.
I died in my dreams
What’s that supposed to mean?
Got lost in the fire
I died in my dreams
Reaching out for your hand
My fatal desire
He sat in her PT cruiser and looked out the window. He was silent as they drove. Knowing exactly where they were going. April pulled into the rehab center. Finally Bam was going to get help. Something she knew he needed. Phil was long gone. He died of heart failure. That was the first time Bam broke up with his lover. The second was when his CKY crew abandoned him. This was the third. Three times in three years. Bam knew it all too well. But, in the last two years. He never got help.
Help was something he didn’t think he actually needed. He thought he was fine. Realism took over his body again. He knew he needed help this time. He wanted his lover back for good. All of it, he wanted his crew and friends. He wanted his show back. Basically, he wanted his whole life back.
I’ve failed you again
´Cause I let you stay
I used to pretend
That I felt ok
He went and checked himself in. He cried and watched April leave as people took him away. For a year he lived in a place not his own. All for love. All for love is all he kept telling himself for that year. At the end of that year April was back. She came not alone this time. This time he was with her. All of his friends were with her too. Welcoming back the Bam they knew. He ran straight for him. The one he truly loved. His friends all smiled and walked out with April. He smiled a genuine real smile again. That year he realized who he missed the most. He missed his lover. He took in the scent of the cologne and laid his head against his lovers shoulder. All he needed was to be held again. Taking his things he walked out hand in hand with his lover.
The green eyes, the warm smile, the chestnut brown hair, and tall slim body. That was all Bam needed. Bam needed that. He pulled out a folder from his suitcase and handed it to his lover. Pictures and words scribbled over thousands of papers. Everything about his lover. You could chart progress with these. Seeing how he went from destructive words and pictures, to words of hope and pictures of promise.
Just one big lie
Such a perfect illusion
I made you mine
Just to hurt you once again
He silently got into that black car. The one he saw leave so many times. His lover placed a hand over his and smiled. Bam laid his head on his lover’s shoulder and smiled. He felt the warm, strong arms wrap themselves around his waist again. He smiled and snuggled close to his lover. The car took off down the highway. They weren’t headed to his home. But to his lover’s home. The home his lover ran away to every time that they fought.
Bam looked at his lover puzzled. He just reassured him with a warm smile. A warm smile was all that Bam needed. That warm smile meant the world to Bam. He smiled back and kissed his lover’s cheek softly. His lover pulled his lips to meet his own. Bam pulled away and smiled again. Bam promised himself this time it would be different. This time he wouldn’t touch alcohol.
I died in my dreams
What’s that supposed to mean?
Got lost in the fire
I died in my dreams
Reaching out for your hand
My fatal desire
“Ville?” Bam finally spoke for the first time in a year.
“Yes?” His lover’s voice graced his ears again and he smiled.
“It’s going to be different from now on.” Bam smiled softly and hugged Ville softly.
“I know Bam, I know.”
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments are like Icing on the Finnish cake of life!
Yummy...Finnish cake...
Paring: Vam
Discription: What happens after Bam and Ville break up a third time in three years?.....Really that's all I can tell you. So Read it!
Author: Silent_graves
Dedication: To Everyone in the Vam community cause...well I can!
A/N: I do not own Ville or Bam or April or the CKY crew.....Or Phil....I do not own the song in this fic either. The song belongs to The Rasmus, it's called, "Funeral Song".
Bam sat looking out the window. The sky was blackened and rain fell silently upon the ground. Watching his lover get into a black car and drive away…again. The third time in their secret romance. The romance slowly falling apart. The romance they had in the beginning was everything. Secret from fans and friends. Only did two people know of this romance. Their ex girlfriends. But, it was all in the past. They would date and drink. It was normal. Normal enough for them. This time felt different. Like they would never see each other again. Their fighting had gotten so bad everyone knew. Except for the fans. But friends and family all knew of their secret.
Bam was always coming home drunk. Brushing him off and laying in bed. Never talking to him. He would ignore him as if he wasn’t even alive. Then his lover started to cut and do drugs. He spiraled all because of Bam. Big help Bam was. He kept hurting the person he loved the most. The person who meant the most to him. Everyone knew Bam loved him more than he could show. It hurt Bam every time he’d leave.
I dumped you again
I don’t understand
It’s happened before
Can’t take it no more
Silently his tears fell. He held the empty bottle in his hands once again. He was hurting and that’s how he would escape. Drink his troubles away. Until it became too much for his lover. Three times it became too much. He’d be back though. Bam would love him for a few months and then it would go sour. Sour because of Bam. Because of his problem. His lover always told him he needed to get help. Bam said he was fine. Shrugged it off like the famous Bam Margera would do.
The famous Bam Margera. Nothing could touch him. He was invincible. Never knowing true pain. True pain was something he discovered when he started going out with his lover. He would hurt when his lover would cry. He’s hurt every time something bad would happen to his lover. It was true pain Bam had grown to know. Something he wished he could have never sampled. But he always had. Always would sample it. He would always taste its vial poison. It would burn him inside. That was how it worked.
These foolish games
Always end up in confusion
I’ll take you back
Just to leave you once again
He kept staring out the window. Realism finally set in. He was gone for good this time. Unless Bam got the help he needed. He raised the arm with the bottle and threw it. Shattering against the wall. Bam looked at it as if it was his hopes and dreams. Everything shattered because of his problem. His show tanked. His skating career, gone. His lover who meant everything to him, gone. All of it was gone. He kept getting money though because some new teen would find his show and buy up the stuff still out there. He knew the familiar scent of defeat all too well now. It was surrounding him like a fire. A fire he couldn’t get off. He stood up and looked down at the ground once more. No sign of that black car. He walked over to the pirate bar.
The only person who still cared for him sitting there kitting. His mother April was the only one who still could find pieces of her son. He son she lost after his first bad break-up with his lover. He silently went into her open arms and cried. He cried, for the first time in three years. She got exactly what he needed. They walked slowly upstairs and got his things packed. He felt his heart sink. But, he was doing this for a love that he wanted more than anything.
I died in my dreams
What’s that supposed to mean?
Got lost in the fire
I died in my dreams
Reaching out for your hand
My fatal desire
He sat in her PT cruiser and looked out the window. He was silent as they drove. Knowing exactly where they were going. April pulled into the rehab center. Finally Bam was going to get help. Something she knew he needed. Phil was long gone. He died of heart failure. That was the first time Bam broke up with his lover. The second was when his CKY crew abandoned him. This was the third. Three times in three years. Bam knew it all too well. But, in the last two years. He never got help.
Help was something he didn’t think he actually needed. He thought he was fine. Realism took over his body again. He knew he needed help this time. He wanted his lover back for good. All of it, he wanted his crew and friends. He wanted his show back. Basically, he wanted his whole life back.
I’ve failed you again
´Cause I let you stay
I used to pretend
That I felt ok
He went and checked himself in. He cried and watched April leave as people took him away. For a year he lived in a place not his own. All for love. All for love is all he kept telling himself for that year. At the end of that year April was back. She came not alone this time. This time he was with her. All of his friends were with her too. Welcoming back the Bam they knew. He ran straight for him. The one he truly loved. His friends all smiled and walked out with April. He smiled a genuine real smile again. That year he realized who he missed the most. He missed his lover. He took in the scent of the cologne and laid his head against his lovers shoulder. All he needed was to be held again. Taking his things he walked out hand in hand with his lover.
The green eyes, the warm smile, the chestnut brown hair, and tall slim body. That was all Bam needed. Bam needed that. He pulled out a folder from his suitcase and handed it to his lover. Pictures and words scribbled over thousands of papers. Everything about his lover. You could chart progress with these. Seeing how he went from destructive words and pictures, to words of hope and pictures of promise.
Just one big lie
Such a perfect illusion
I made you mine
Just to hurt you once again
He silently got into that black car. The one he saw leave so many times. His lover placed a hand over his and smiled. Bam laid his head on his lover’s shoulder and smiled. He felt the warm, strong arms wrap themselves around his waist again. He smiled and snuggled close to his lover. The car took off down the highway. They weren’t headed to his home. But to his lover’s home. The home his lover ran away to every time that they fought.
Bam looked at his lover puzzled. He just reassured him with a warm smile. A warm smile was all that Bam needed. That warm smile meant the world to Bam. He smiled back and kissed his lover’s cheek softly. His lover pulled his lips to meet his own. Bam pulled away and smiled again. Bam promised himself this time it would be different. This time he wouldn’t touch alcohol.
I died in my dreams
What’s that supposed to mean?
Got lost in the fire
I died in my dreams
Reaching out for your hand
My fatal desire
“Ville?” Bam finally spoke for the first time in a year.
“Yes?” His lover’s voice graced his ears again and he smiled.
“It’s going to be different from now on.” Bam smiled softly and hugged Ville softly.
“I know Bam, I know.”
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments are like Icing on the Finnish cake of life!
Yummy...Finnish cake...