carleybabes
in
__vam
Story-Nidiots!
Sorry...I forgot to post it *shrug*.
I'll post 8, 9, and the final chapter, chapter 10 now for you all, cause I feel kinda bad, and then you can let me know via comments if you want me to post the sequel we wrote. It's also 10 chapters long, and it's called "Revenge of the Nidiots".
Title: Nidiots
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Genre: Comedy and smut.
Disclaimer: We own nothing but the insanity of the storyline. Period.
Summary: From ass tattoos to scary-oke, and everything you could imagine in between, these are the drunken adventures of Bam and Ville.
Notes: I (Carley) played Bam. Bam's POV was written by me. Ville's POV was written by my friend Jess. Now you know who to blame for what, ok?
Cause I'm being lazy tonight, click this and follow the trail of links for all past chapters!
Chapter 8-Who's the Bitch? (NC-17, this chapter is)
~*~Bam~*~
So, I was finally over my little "episode" as I was referring to the whole cold/overdose mess, and in true Bam style, I had to have a party. Cause the only thing better than drinking with yourself is drinking with your crazy friends.
Anyway, the all night rager kind of fizzled after Novak did the rope swing in my living room naked and wound up knocking over one of the kegs. Bummer. Now all that was left were a few random stragglers in the pirate bar and the living room, either passed out or too pissed to know which way was up.
The gang-that is, Ville, Raab, Novak, Dunn, Dico and myself took our beers and went out to rock our own mini party on the patio. We were just sitting around, shootin' the breeze and drinking and having a great time. Well, most of us anyway. Raab was out cold, his head resting on poor Dico's shoulder, drooling and snoring like there was no tomorrow. Novak was quickly headed down the same path; he kept leaning heavily on me from time to time, then would get a sudden burst of energy that would be gone in about 30 seconds. Yea, he was fucked. The rest of us were more functional though, and we were just having the most random conversation ever.
"Dude, seriously, Scooby was a way better dog than Scrappy," Dunn said, taking a swig of his beer.
Dico shook his head. "Hell no! Scrappy was all sassy and shit. Scooby was just atired old dog."
"You know what I always wondered?" I slurred, swaying my beer in the air in front of me. "How was it that every week, the person who would get caught by the Scooby Gang always called them meddling kids? Like, how did they all know to say that?"
Dunn tipped his beer to me and Dico nodded solemnly. "One of the greatest mysteries in life, my friend," he said. Oh yea, this was a definite keeper of a conversation.
"Just like how did Pink Floyd manage to match Dark Side of the Moon up totally with The Wizard of Oz man?" Novak slurred, a bit of drool sliding down his chin. He leaned against me and I sighed and pushed him off. He went crashing to the floor and curled up in a ball, obviously out cold for the night.
"And how the fuck did Fonzie manage to turn the jukebox on just by pounding it with his fist?" Ville said, resting his head on my shoulder a bit.
"And what about Gilligan?" I pointed out. "I mean, they were going on a three hour tour, so why did they pack all their life's belongings?"
Everybody nodded and mumbled their agreements to that one. I looked down at Ville briefly; he smiled drunkenly up at me and cuddled a bit closer. I put my hand on his knee and turned back to the group.
"The biggest life mystery," Dunn said, slamming his beer down on the table for dramatic emphasis, "that I wanna know is, which one of you two is the bitch in your relationship?" He pointed at the two of us and Dico let out a giggle.
"Err...what?" I stuttered, completely in shock that my friends even thought about that, let alone had the balls to say that to my face. Ville made a tiny noise that almost sounded like gasp and I didn't have to look at him to know his face was bright flaming red.
"You know..."Dico leaned in and spoke in one of his vocies that he's always doing. This one was a mixture of an Australian, Rake Yohn and a very drunk person. Well, maybe he wasn't purposefully doing that third one. "We wanna know which of you is the giver and which one receives."
"Yea, which one of you pitches and which one catches," Dunn added, and Dico leaned across the table to give him a high five.
"Dude...I really don't think..."I was at a loss for words. I mean, I know if the tables were turned and it was Dunn and Dico in a big gay relationship I would hound them about the same thing, but come on. I'm Bam Margera. I don't get fucking hounded by my friends!
"I'll bet it's Ville. He looks like the type that likes to receive," Dunn smirked. Ville squealed a bit and pressed his face farther in my shirt.
"It's better to give than receive, you know that right Ville?" Dico laughed, taking a swig from his beer bottle. Ville mumbled something in my chest and Dico put a hand to his ear, and shouted in a fake British accent, "What's that you say, mate?"
Ville looked up and, yep-his face was beet red. "I said, you need to get killed," he said between his clenched teeth, and I started to laugh. Dico put a hand over his chest and made a face as though he were deeply offended. "I'm not saying I want to kill you," Ville continued. "I just don't want you to be alive anymore."
I laughed and pulled myself up from my chair. I grabbed Ville's arm and pulled him up next to me. "I've had enough," I stated simply, with a nod of my head. My friends knew what that meant though. Serious hell was going to come their way in some way or another, sooner or later. "I'm gonna go inside now and pass the fuck out on my bed, like a good wittle drunk. Willa, you comin'?"
He smiled slightly and nodded his head, although he looked a bit pissed about something. We walked towards the patio together-neither one of us wanting to lag behind for fear of being labeled the "bitch", and ran into (literally, by the way) quite a problem trying to figure out how to get both of us through the door. Finally, I remembered that the door was a sliding one, and slid it open for our drunk, pathetic asses. Yeah, way to be smooth and dignified about it.
As we sauntered-or rather, stumbled-upstairs, I could hear my friends talking outside on the patio.
"Yea man," Ryan said, "One of life's greatest mysteries. Who is the bitch?"
~*~Ville~*~
Ryan's voice was the last thing I heard before we got out of hearing range. I wasn't mad, not really.. I mean hey, basically, I was the bitch. But I'm really sick of people just assuming it. And anyway, my 'bitch' status was about to change. At least, for tonight, darling Bammie was going to be *my* bitch.
Bam shut the door to his bedroom and I grabbed him and tossed him to the bed. His pretty blue eyes went wide, and he licked his lips nervously as I locked the door. "Willa-"
"Hush, sweetheart." I smiled darkly, moving to the bed and crawling over him. Leaning in to kiss his neck, I shoved his wrists down and pinned them to the matress. "I think I've been your bitch long enough, Bammie, love.."
He let me strip off his shirt, immediately pressing his lips to mine again. Bam pouted a little when I pulled away. "Aw, Vil, you fuckin tease-" He cut himself off as I started kissing and licking my way down his chest, paying special attention to our tattoo. It's so lovely on him.
I looked up and met his eyes, slowly popping the button to his pants. Holding his gaze, I leaned forward to tug his zipper down with my teeth. Bam breathed my name, his voice husky, unutterably sexy. I made short work of his pants and boxers, and quickly rid myself of clothes as well. "You're mine tonight, darling.." I went for his neck, biting not so gently.
The shiver that ran through him was strong enough for me to feel and I reminded myself that I was his first and slowed down. I gently kissed him, pulling him close. "I won't if you don't want it, baby.." Damn my conscious. I wanted this boy so fucking badly.
Looking up at me, eyes still wide, Bam shook his head a bit, then nodded. My confusion must have shown, because he kissed me again. "No, I want it." His arms snaked around my neck and he clung to me tightly for a second, in a rare moment of vulnerability.
I trailed open-mouthed kisses down his neck and chest, making him moan softly. Biting gently at one flat nipple, I felt his fingers knot in my hair. Fuck, he was making the sexiest sounds as I trailed lower, running my tongue up his cock, slowly teasing him to his full length.
"Oh, god, Vil.." Bam usually dispensed with pet names when we had sex, thankfully.. I loved how he said my name in those moments, voice low with want, with need. He cupped the back of my hand, forcing me to swallow him. I gladly complied.
Slipping a finger into my mouth, I licked it thouroughly before gently slipping it inside him. Bam tensed up, and I pulled back to watch his face. "Relax, BamBam. You know I love you.."
"Yeah.."
"I'll never hurt you."
"Uh-hunh.." Bam bit his lip as I slowly moved a single finger in and out of him. He reached over blindly, thrusting the lube into my hand. "Please?" Poor sweetheart, I was stupidly fingering him nearly dry.
I slicked my hand and slowly slid two fingers in, still watching his face. Scissoring my fingers a bit to stretch him, I bit back a moan. The pain and pleasure chasing each other on his face was beautiful. "Alright?"
Bam nodded quickly, flashing me a brief smile. "Yeah. Now, okay?" He tugged me up to his lips, gasping softly as I gently pressed inside. Whimpering softly, he turned his soft, moist eyes up to me.
"Sshh, babydoll, it'll feel good in a a little while." I moved slowly, biting my tongue hard enough to taste blood. Fuck, he was so tight and hot around me, I felt my entire body trembling. "I don't know if I can make this as good for you as I want, love."
"It's you," Bam whispered softly. "So it's good anyway." Obviously, I was taking advantage of a drunk boy. He never would have such sweet things to me otherwise. I love my Bammie, but he's a bit gruff.
When I was satisfied he was used to the feel of me, I began moving slowly, gently. I held his gaze, twinging the fingers of one hand with his. A soft whine escped me; the urge to ride him through the matress was powerful. "Jesus, Bammie.."
Bam gripped my forearms, biting at his lip. I could see the exact moment pain turned into the pleasure and it was so unbearably hot I nearly lost control. His eyes nearly popped out of his head and he gasped. "Oh, for the love of fuck's sake! More.."
That was it. I was done. I tried my best to be gentle with him, but his sexy little noises, his fingers clutching at me, his.. Bam-ness.. drove me over the edge and I drove into him hard. "Oh.. my love.."
He writhed below me as I stroked him fast, firm. Bam tensed around me, making my eyelids flutter. He gasped my name just before I felt hot stickiness covereing my belly and chest, and I spilled into him a moment later, his low voice calling my name ringing in my ears.
I panted, collapsing atop him after pulling out gently. Gathering him in my arms, I hugged him tightly, kissing every inch of him I could reach. Not trusting my voice yet, I just clutched him tightly to my heaving chest. "Oh, Bammie, my baby..."
Bam returned my fervored kisses, pulling back to look up at me dazedly. "Well. I guess you aren't the bitch anymore."
Chapter 9-Scary-oke
~*~Ville~*~
Ah, the joys of mutual bitch..hood. Bitchness? Well, whatever, it was mututal. Bam's friends could say what they want; as far as I was concerned, we were each having our cake and eating it too. So to speak.
We were lounged on the deck, recovering from yet another hangover with my favorite cure, more beer. I had a cigarette dangling from the corner of my mouth, not bothering to remove it while it took a swallow of beer.
This apparently amused Bam, who immediately grabbed one of my cigarettes, lit up and crammed it into the corner of his own mouth. After he found a position where smoke didn't go immediately into his eyes, he tried taking a sip around the filter. He pulled a face and nearly spat out the beer soaked cigarette. "How do you do that?"
I gave him a wicked smile. "It's all about using your tongue, Bammie." He snorted and flipped me off. "Love you, too." Leaning up on one elbow, I looked over at him. "I wanna go out tonight," I pouted. "I wanna get drunk somewhere else."
"Why? You'll barely remember it tomorrow anyway." Bam snickered and then shrugged. "And we won't be able to lay down when we get real clobbered." I gave him my best pout, fluttered my lashes, and set a hand on his wrist lightly. He caved, of course. I loved doing that entirely too much. "Fine. Where do you want to go?"
Ryan saved me the trouble of having to think, because he came bursting out of the house at that moment. "Yo bitches.. Dico finally found the rest of the footage from when we took Phil and Don Vito to karaoke-"
"Karaoke!" I shouted, giving Bam a pleading look. "Oh, let's go to karaoke, Bammie. Pwease? It'll be loads of fun." He was giving me Ape's look again, and I expected him to start shouting 'Are you kidding me!?' at any second. I wondered if he realized he had inherited the 'freak out' gene.
Bam shook his head. "No way. You just want to go show off." Well, I did, a little. But mostly I'd be showing off for him, so.. "Besides, you know I can't sing."
I was bouncing a bit on my chair, still gripping his wrist. He tugged it away. "Don't be a ridiculous, Bammie. Everyone can sing."
"You obviously haven't heard Phil and Don Vito." Ryan shook his head and went back inside, obviously giving us up for a bad job at the moment.
"Get drunk, and then we'll go." I pouted for all I was worth. Bam singing? No way was I going to let that opportunity slide.
Bam was still shaking his head. "If I get drunk, how will we get there, retard? You gonna drive?" The boy had a point. "Willa, I am *not* going to karaoke. And you can't make me." He nodded and crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest.
Three hours (and a bribe blowjob) later, we walked into the bar, already hearing the sounds of.. singing, I suppose you could call it, from inside. I grinned happily and Bam just rolled his eyes at me. "You're such a pain in my ass," he muttered.
"Well, you weren't complaining the other night." He blushed. I love that I can do that. I dragged him over to the bar for some shots, wanting him drunk enough to sing. Since we had been pregaming, I figured it wouldn't take too long.
By the way, I take back what I had said earlier. Apparently, not everyone can sing. We stared at the small stage, giggling as 3 people butchered 'Come Together'. "I've never heard the Beatles sound better."
Bam snickered, still thinking he would get out of singing. He watched me onstage, shaking my hips in my second tightest pair of jeans (since he had refused to help me, I had to forget about getting the tightest pair on), laughing his ass off.
After I finished (Like a Virgin, just for my Bammie), I tripped off the stage, still giggling. I grabbed us two more shots and plopped down next to him. "Alright, time to pick you a song. Pwease, Bammie-wammie?"
"I'm so not drunk enough." Bam rolled his eyes as I motioned impatiently to his shot glass, but laughed and tossed it back. "You sounded so dumb, Willa." I decided that meant 'Thanks for singing to me, baby'.
"Come on, choose one." I pushed the karaoke menu closer to him encouragingly. I really, *really* wanted to see him make an ass of himself. "Look here, you can do some Stryper!" I laughed at the disgusted look he gave me.
He sighed. "You aren't going to give up, are you?" I shook my head, giving him a sweet smile. He snorted and began flipping through the list of songs. "..such a twat," he muttered under his breath.
I kissed his cheek messily, laughing as he shoved me away. "No.. I'm a dick. You are what you eat, remember." He stared at me for a full minute before bursting into laughter. I just pointed to the book, recognizing the slightly glazed look he gets when he's hammered. This was gonna be fun.
~*~Bam~*~
Fucking karaoke. Who the fuck does this shit for fun anyway? I mean, you're just embarrassing yourself in front of a bunch of total strangers. Unless, of course, you're the lead singer of a fucking band like Ville. Asshole. Of course he picks things that he's good at and I'm not.
I sighed heavily as I looked through the book, hoping that my attitude was getting it through to Ville that i did not want to do this, and I was only doing it for him. That little fucker just has to give the best blowjobs ever. If it weren't for his mouth and my dick, I wouldn't be here right now, staring at a list of Barry Manilow songs. "This shit sucks," I muttered angrily, not finding one single song I even knew the words to (that I would admit in public I knew the words to anyway).
"Bammie, pick!" Ville whined, staring at me with those wide eyes. He leaned over me, placing his chin on my shoulder, and flipped the page of the book eagerly. "Errrmmm....how about...oh! here's one!" He pointed at a title and I just stared at it, then at him in shock.
"Ville...you really expect me to get up there and sing 'Pour Some Sugar on Me'?" He giggled a bit and nodded his head. "Well guess again," I stated. "No amount of booze in this world could make me drunk enough for that shit."
Ville sighed and flipped the page, scanning down for a song that didn't toally suck ass. I groaned in frustration and turned to the chick who was currently taking her turn up at the stage, singing, believe it or not 'Lick it Up', of all things. Surprisingly, it didn't suck all that much.
"Ok, how about 'Stayin' Alive'?" Ville asked, pointing to it on the page. I turned to glare at him for a moment, and he just shrugged. "Come on, it can't be any worse than that," he said, pointing to the stage. The 'Lick it Up' chick was finished, and now some dude and his frat buddy were up there, totally butchering 'Margaritaville'.
"Ville," I said, "Didn't you get the memo? Disco is dead."
Ville stared at me for a long moment, confusion in his pretty green eyes. He cocked his head to the side and frowned a bit. "No, I didn't get that memo," he said, quite seriously.
I just laughed and patted his hand. "It's ok babe," I said and he smiled at me. Sometimes, that boy can really be...special.
After a few (well, ok-alot) more drinks and another hour's worth of drunks butchering perfectly good songs, my ass was on the chopping block. I gulped as I stumbled up there, with Ville pushing me a bit from behind. I finally got sick of looking for songs and just closed my eyes, flipped to a random page and let my finger drop. And of course, that was the wrong thing to do cause the shit I wound up with was just...not good at all.
I grabbed the mike and let my eyes wander, trying to find Ville. He was leaning against a table in the front, sipping a beer and smiling. When I found him, he waved and gave me a thumbs up sign. I had to really fight the urge to flip him the finger.
The first few chords of the song started, and I sucked in a breath. 'It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok...'
"Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me..."
Shit! The song was starting without me! Mortified, I raced to catch myself up, stumbling over words in the process. I finally caught up somewhere around the "gotta move on" part in the song, but sadly, things only went downhill from there.
"Won't you take me to Funkytown...won't you take me to Funkytown..."
Oh my God, this bitch's voice was more high pitched than I remembered it. 'Roll with it Bam, roll with it, you're almost done, it's almost done...'
Finally, after what seemed like forever and a day, "Funkytown" was over and I could jump (well, stumble, fall and drunkenly swagger) far, far away to the back corner of the bar, deep in the shadows where nobody could find me. Ever.
Of course, by that time I was all but hyperventilating. Seriously, I just can't do shit like that. I don't know how Ville does it every night on stage in front of thousands. I seriously had new respect for him.
Anyway, I couldn't breathe, and the walls were closing in on me, so I had to get out of there. Once I weasled my way out of the bar, I sank against the wall and gulped in the air as fast as I could. I gulped in a little too much though, and it didn't mix well with my nerves and the beer in my system and I leaned over to teh side and began to puke my guts out.
That's exactly the position Ville found me in five minutes later. He knelt down beside me and rubbed my back as I finished puking and knelt against him, exhausted. "Bammie, you did great," he finally said after I calmed down some. I snorted and he ran his fingers through my hair. "Really darling, it was alright," he said and kissed my forehead. "No need to get yourself sick about it."
"How do you do that everynight?" I whispered and he chuckled.
"I'm used to it by now sweetheart," he said. "But in the beginning, I was as scared about it as you. In fact, I even threw up over it a few times myself."
"Yea well, that was the last time," I grumbled as he pulled me up and towards the car. "You got me to it once; consider that proof of how much I love your Finnish ass."
Ville laughed as i leaned heavily against him and dug my car keys out of my pocket. "Are you alright to get us home, Bam?" he questioned.
I shook my head. "No, but I'll get us there anyway," I muttered.
Ville giggled and pinched my cheek. "I am really proud of you for doing that for me, love," he whispered in my ear. "I love you so much."
I turned a bit and smiled, and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. As we pulled away, I muttered, "You're such a girl Willa," which I'm sure he would tell you is Bamish for "I love you too babe."
He laughed and caught my hand in his and swung it a bit. "Now let's go home and get drunkerer!" he shouted happily and I laughed.
Man, there is nothing quite like a night out on the town with Ville and Bam.
Chapter 10-Full Circle (the end)
~*~Ville~*~
"Bammie.." I could hear the whine in my own voice, but I couldn't help it. We were on the roof of his house, drunk off our asses. I was clutching an economy sized roll of seran wrap. I was pressed against the roof, trying to melt into it, being deathly afraid of heights. I offer one word to you- Jagermeister.
I'm sure some people are laughing already, the rest need an explanation. Jagermeister brings out the absolute maniac in everyone I know. You drink that shit, and you just go nuts. Since Bam and I (mostly Bam) are already a bit nuts, you can imagine how this affected us.
"Hey! Raab, come out on the roof with us," Bam had demanded. And poor Rabbio, being the lush he was, giggled and complied. "Grab that seran wrap, Willa." Before I could ask why, Bam pressed a light kiss just under my ear, making me completely compliant to whatever insanity was about to go down.
We each had a few more shots on the roof, me clinging desperately to Bam, and Raab just laughing hysterically before he promptly passed out. Bam stood and began moving around, utterly fearless as always. I just tried not to look down. He tugged down Raab's pants and pressed him ass first against Dunn's window. "C'mon, Willa.. seran wrap him to the window here."
I crawled over, sure I'd tumble right off the fucking roof if I stood. This had to be payback for karaoke. Whimpering softly, I let Bam tug me to my feet, arms tight around him and my face in his neck. "I can't!"
"Oh, you fucking can so." But I felt him give me a comforting squeeze. "C'mon, one more shot and you'll be fine." Bam held the bottle out to me, waving it slightly. "Don't be a pussy." He grinned as I cursed him in Finnish and took a long swallow of liquid courage. Or liquid insanity. Whatever.
"What if he falls?" But I was already carefully edging around the small outcropping on the roof, wrapping seran wrap around it and a still comatose Raab. "He could get really hurt, Bammie. What if he falls and breaks his neck?"
Bam rolled his eyes. "Seran wrap him *tight*. He won't go anywhere." He was giggling as I continued to inch my way around on the roof, while he held Raab up. "This is the funniest shit ever. Him and Dunn are gonna freak tomorrow!"
Well, Raab most likely would. Dunn was, after all, only waking up to a 'full moon'. The thought amused the hell out of me, and I began giggling too. "I don't think we should drink Jager anymore, BamBam. It makes us all crazy-like."
He stopped me for a quick kiss, giving my ass a pat to send me on my way around Raab and the jutting window once more. Bam grinned wide, obviously proud of his little stunt. "Couple more times should do it." He let go of Raab experimentally, checking to see how much the seran wrap stretched.
I tied it tightly, squinting hard to focus through all the Jager. Raab may be a muffed up retard, but.. He's just a kid. He'll grow out of it. Maybe. "Okay. All set." I grabbed onto Bam again, thinking that maybe drinking to feel more comfortable on the roof hadn't been such a good plan.
"Let's go do some more stuff." Bam laughed, already picturing mischief in his pretty, deranged little head. "We can do Dunn's stupid limo, and Ape's car. Let's seran wrap everything!" Suddenly his gorgeous blue eyes widened. "Let's seran wrap the limo to the PT Loser!!"
It was a funny visual. I started laughing with him, even while I felt bad for his mother. The woman deserves to be canonized after all the shit my hellraiser of a boyfriend gives her. "Okay, but Bammie.." I felt the pout return, my eyes wide. "How do we get down?"
~*~Bam~*~
"Just jump, ya little pussy," I shouted up to Ville, who was clinging to the rainspout on the side of my house for dear life. I totally forgot that Ville isn't the athletic type, ready and willing to jump off roofs and shit like the rest of my friends, so we had to take the relatively safe route down: shimmy down the rainspout. I, of course, just decided to jump halfway and wound up landing in a pretty hefty bush, so it wasn't all that bad. But Ville was convinced he was going to fall, miss the bush entirely somehow, and splatter all over the ground. And I just know if that happened I would never hear the end of it.
"I can't! I'm gonna fucking splatter like an egg down there!" Ville screamed, looking down at me with wide eyes.
I sighed and stretched my arms out. "I'll fucking catch you babe; just drop," I said and he shook his head. I rolled my eyes. "Come on Willa! I was higher up than you when I dropped and I'm fine!"
"Yea but you're crazy!" screamed Ville. "You do this shit for a living!"
"Exactly," I said, "I've jumped higher than this with less to break my fall than you have, and I'm still alive today. So I'm thinking you can trust me on this one, eh?"
Somehow or another, Ville managed to find his balls and let go with his eyes clamped shut and a scream escaping his lips. He fell on top of me and I collapsed into the bush, arms wrapped tightly around him. "See," I huffed after a minute, "You're still alive."
"Yea, well, I have a feeling you're gonna be the death of me boy," Ville grumbled as he opened his eyes and discovered that indeed he was still alive. "I escaped fate tonight, but it's coming. I can feel it."
"Oh shut up," I groaned, pushing him off me so I could stand up. "I'm not that bad and you know it." I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the seran wrap. "Now," I said, grinning evilly as I picked it up and waved it in his face, "Ready to seran wrap Ape's car to Dunn's limo?"
OK, let's just say I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to seran wrap everything. A few hours later, after seran wrapping a piss drunk, unconscious Novak to an equally unconscious Dico in the always hilarious 69 position, I dragged Ville into our room and slammed the door shut, giggling like a demented schoolgirl. "Willa, wasn't that fun?" I asked, leaning in to him.
The poor man didn't look so amused. Drunk yes, tired, yes, amused...no. "It was about as fun as watching paint dry," he responded, climbing onto my bed and flopping down with a long sigh. "Bammie, let's just cuddle now. I don't wanna do anymore crazy things."
I pouted and hopped on top of him, pressing our faces close together. "Don't be a party pooper, Willy," I said, pressing our noses tip to tip and staring straight into his eyes. "I still have half a roll of seran wrap!"
He leaned his head up a bit and kissed the tip of my nose. He sighed and pulled my head down so it was mashed in the crook of his neck and wrapped his arms around me so I couldn't escape. "No more wrapping," he said softly. "Cuddle now."
"Fine," I sighed, shifting so I was a bit more comfortable. "Sucks for you, cause I was gonna let you seran wrap me to the bed and have your way with me."
That perked him up, just like I knew it would. "Really?" he asked, his voice sounding more awake and definitely more eager.
I snorted. "Hell no!" I replied. "I just wanted to get you all excited, then squash your dreams, like you squashed mine."
He grunted and smacked my head a bit. "Bam, you are a devilish little twat," he said in a quiet tone. I just buried my face in his neck again and snickered.
A few hours later, somebody had managed to get up and get some beer, cause we were both shittossed. Ville was back to being butt ass naked on his side of the bed with his shoelace and his tattooed penis, trying hard to make the puppets-again. I, on the other hand, was halfheartedly watching 'Dude, Where's My Car?' on HBO. Yea, I was too damn lazy to call the cable company and cancel that shit, so Ville still watches his bad American movies and I still have to put up with him quoting them all the time.
I was staring at Ville's cock tattoo (which was actually the coolest fucking thing ever now that all the swelling and sore skin had gone away) when a major realization dawned on me. In the past 12 days, Ville and I have managed to get cock and ass tattoos, get kicked out of a grocery store for dueling with mops, have a goldfish eating contest, had messy drunken sex that ended with Ville getting whacked with a candle, had the hot wax from said candle poured all over my chest while I was sleeping, lost the Hummer at my own house, did some kind of crazy thing in the woods that got me sick as a dog, overdosed on cold medicine, had the weirdest conversation about the mysteries of life, popped my cherry, went to karaoke and seran wrapped my friends in various places around my house. And after all that, we somehow managed to get right back to where we started: Ville playing with his dick, and me taking great amusement in watching. And as always-we did this all drunk. Not too shabby, I must say.
So basically, we came full circle, we did it all, anything a pair of drunken nidiots like us can do anyway, and now we were back to this. Which was fine by me, cause I really wasn't sure I could take anymore insanity. Actually, I could probably take the insanity. Ville, however, probably can't take much more. He and his Finnish friends are all pretty crazy, sure-but they are definitely no CKY Crew.
Just as I got done thinking how great it was that everything was back to good for the sake of my poor wittle Willa and his ever fleeting sanity, he turned to me with wide eyes and a drunken smile.
"Bammie, I'm bored."
"Oh, my God..."
Well, that was it. Comments are loved...let me know if you want me to post the sequel! Gotta thank my Jess-Jess, even though she doesn't come on here at all, but she IS this story. Most of the things we came up with in here is her life, and I love her dearly for it. Also, you may have notcied that all smut was done in Ville's POV...that is because I can't do smut (I have visions of the nuns who taught me when I was in school murdering me if they ever caught that and it messes my head up), so she wrote all the smut in the story. Aaaand...ok, yea, that's it. Comment!
I'll post 8, 9, and the final chapter, chapter 10 now for you all, cause I feel kinda bad, and then you can let me know via comments if you want me to post the sequel we wrote. It's also 10 chapters long, and it's called "Revenge of the Nidiots".
Title: Nidiots
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Genre: Comedy and smut.
Disclaimer: We own nothing but the insanity of the storyline. Period.
Summary: From ass tattoos to scary-oke, and everything you could imagine in between, these are the drunken adventures of Bam and Ville.
Notes: I (Carley) played Bam. Bam's POV was written by me. Ville's POV was written by my friend Jess. Now you know who to blame for what, ok?
Cause I'm being lazy tonight, click this and follow the trail of links for all past chapters!
Chapter 8-Who's the Bitch? (NC-17, this chapter is)
~*~Bam~*~
So, I was finally over my little "episode" as I was referring to the whole cold/overdose mess, and in true Bam style, I had to have a party. Cause the only thing better than drinking with yourself is drinking with your crazy friends.
Anyway, the all night rager kind of fizzled after Novak did the rope swing in my living room naked and wound up knocking over one of the kegs. Bummer. Now all that was left were a few random stragglers in the pirate bar and the living room, either passed out or too pissed to know which way was up.
The gang-that is, Ville, Raab, Novak, Dunn, Dico and myself took our beers and went out to rock our own mini party on the patio. We were just sitting around, shootin' the breeze and drinking and having a great time. Well, most of us anyway. Raab was out cold, his head resting on poor Dico's shoulder, drooling and snoring like there was no tomorrow. Novak was quickly headed down the same path; he kept leaning heavily on me from time to time, then would get a sudden burst of energy that would be gone in about 30 seconds. Yea, he was fucked. The rest of us were more functional though, and we were just having the most random conversation ever.
"Dude, seriously, Scooby was a way better dog than Scrappy," Dunn said, taking a swig of his beer.
Dico shook his head. "Hell no! Scrappy was all sassy and shit. Scooby was just atired old dog."
"You know what I always wondered?" I slurred, swaying my beer in the air in front of me. "How was it that every week, the person who would get caught by the Scooby Gang always called them meddling kids? Like, how did they all know to say that?"
Dunn tipped his beer to me and Dico nodded solemnly. "One of the greatest mysteries in life, my friend," he said. Oh yea, this was a definite keeper of a conversation.
"Just like how did Pink Floyd manage to match Dark Side of the Moon up totally with The Wizard of Oz man?" Novak slurred, a bit of drool sliding down his chin. He leaned against me and I sighed and pushed him off. He went crashing to the floor and curled up in a ball, obviously out cold for the night.
"And how the fuck did Fonzie manage to turn the jukebox on just by pounding it with his fist?" Ville said, resting his head on my shoulder a bit.
"And what about Gilligan?" I pointed out. "I mean, they were going on a three hour tour, so why did they pack all their life's belongings?"
Everybody nodded and mumbled their agreements to that one. I looked down at Ville briefly; he smiled drunkenly up at me and cuddled a bit closer. I put my hand on his knee and turned back to the group.
"The biggest life mystery," Dunn said, slamming his beer down on the table for dramatic emphasis, "that I wanna know is, which one of you two is the bitch in your relationship?" He pointed at the two of us and Dico let out a giggle.
"Err...what?" I stuttered, completely in shock that my friends even thought about that, let alone had the balls to say that to my face. Ville made a tiny noise that almost sounded like gasp and I didn't have to look at him to know his face was bright flaming red.
"You know..."Dico leaned in and spoke in one of his vocies that he's always doing. This one was a mixture of an Australian, Rake Yohn and a very drunk person. Well, maybe he wasn't purposefully doing that third one. "We wanna know which of you is the giver and which one receives."
"Yea, which one of you pitches and which one catches," Dunn added, and Dico leaned across the table to give him a high five.
"Dude...I really don't think..."I was at a loss for words. I mean, I know if the tables were turned and it was Dunn and Dico in a big gay relationship I would hound them about the same thing, but come on. I'm Bam Margera. I don't get fucking hounded by my friends!
"I'll bet it's Ville. He looks like the type that likes to receive," Dunn smirked. Ville squealed a bit and pressed his face farther in my shirt.
"It's better to give than receive, you know that right Ville?" Dico laughed, taking a swig from his beer bottle. Ville mumbled something in my chest and Dico put a hand to his ear, and shouted in a fake British accent, "What's that you say, mate?"
Ville looked up and, yep-his face was beet red. "I said, you need to get killed," he said between his clenched teeth, and I started to laugh. Dico put a hand over his chest and made a face as though he were deeply offended. "I'm not saying I want to kill you," Ville continued. "I just don't want you to be alive anymore."
I laughed and pulled myself up from my chair. I grabbed Ville's arm and pulled him up next to me. "I've had enough," I stated simply, with a nod of my head. My friends knew what that meant though. Serious hell was going to come their way in some way or another, sooner or later. "I'm gonna go inside now and pass the fuck out on my bed, like a good wittle drunk. Willa, you comin'?"
He smiled slightly and nodded his head, although he looked a bit pissed about something. We walked towards the patio together-neither one of us wanting to lag behind for fear of being labeled the "bitch", and ran into (literally, by the way) quite a problem trying to figure out how to get both of us through the door. Finally, I remembered that the door was a sliding one, and slid it open for our drunk, pathetic asses. Yeah, way to be smooth and dignified about it.
As we sauntered-or rather, stumbled-upstairs, I could hear my friends talking outside on the patio.
"Yea man," Ryan said, "One of life's greatest mysteries. Who is the bitch?"
~*~Ville~*~
Ryan's voice was the last thing I heard before we got out of hearing range. I wasn't mad, not really.. I mean hey, basically, I was the bitch. But I'm really sick of people just assuming it. And anyway, my 'bitch' status was about to change. At least, for tonight, darling Bammie was going to be *my* bitch.
Bam shut the door to his bedroom and I grabbed him and tossed him to the bed. His pretty blue eyes went wide, and he licked his lips nervously as I locked the door. "Willa-"
"Hush, sweetheart." I smiled darkly, moving to the bed and crawling over him. Leaning in to kiss his neck, I shoved his wrists down and pinned them to the matress. "I think I've been your bitch long enough, Bammie, love.."
He let me strip off his shirt, immediately pressing his lips to mine again. Bam pouted a little when I pulled away. "Aw, Vil, you fuckin tease-" He cut himself off as I started kissing and licking my way down his chest, paying special attention to our tattoo. It's so lovely on him.
I looked up and met his eyes, slowly popping the button to his pants. Holding his gaze, I leaned forward to tug his zipper down with my teeth. Bam breathed my name, his voice husky, unutterably sexy. I made short work of his pants and boxers, and quickly rid myself of clothes as well. "You're mine tonight, darling.." I went for his neck, biting not so gently.
The shiver that ran through him was strong enough for me to feel and I reminded myself that I was his first and slowed down. I gently kissed him, pulling him close. "I won't if you don't want it, baby.." Damn my conscious. I wanted this boy so fucking badly.
Looking up at me, eyes still wide, Bam shook his head a bit, then nodded. My confusion must have shown, because he kissed me again. "No, I want it." His arms snaked around my neck and he clung to me tightly for a second, in a rare moment of vulnerability.
I trailed open-mouthed kisses down his neck and chest, making him moan softly. Biting gently at one flat nipple, I felt his fingers knot in my hair. Fuck, he was making the sexiest sounds as I trailed lower, running my tongue up his cock, slowly teasing him to his full length.
"Oh, god, Vil.." Bam usually dispensed with pet names when we had sex, thankfully.. I loved how he said my name in those moments, voice low with want, with need. He cupped the back of my hand, forcing me to swallow him. I gladly complied.
Slipping a finger into my mouth, I licked it thouroughly before gently slipping it inside him. Bam tensed up, and I pulled back to watch his face. "Relax, BamBam. You know I love you.."
"Yeah.."
"I'll never hurt you."
"Uh-hunh.." Bam bit his lip as I slowly moved a single finger in and out of him. He reached over blindly, thrusting the lube into my hand. "Please?" Poor sweetheart, I was stupidly fingering him nearly dry.
I slicked my hand and slowly slid two fingers in, still watching his face. Scissoring my fingers a bit to stretch him, I bit back a moan. The pain and pleasure chasing each other on his face was beautiful. "Alright?"
Bam nodded quickly, flashing me a brief smile. "Yeah. Now, okay?" He tugged me up to his lips, gasping softly as I gently pressed inside. Whimpering softly, he turned his soft, moist eyes up to me.
"Sshh, babydoll, it'll feel good in a a little while." I moved slowly, biting my tongue hard enough to taste blood. Fuck, he was so tight and hot around me, I felt my entire body trembling. "I don't know if I can make this as good for you as I want, love."
"It's you," Bam whispered softly. "So it's good anyway." Obviously, I was taking advantage of a drunk boy. He never would have such sweet things to me otherwise. I love my Bammie, but he's a bit gruff.
When I was satisfied he was used to the feel of me, I began moving slowly, gently. I held his gaze, twinging the fingers of one hand with his. A soft whine escped me; the urge to ride him through the matress was powerful. "Jesus, Bammie.."
Bam gripped my forearms, biting at his lip. I could see the exact moment pain turned into the pleasure and it was so unbearably hot I nearly lost control. His eyes nearly popped out of his head and he gasped. "Oh, for the love of fuck's sake! More.."
That was it. I was done. I tried my best to be gentle with him, but his sexy little noises, his fingers clutching at me, his.. Bam-ness.. drove me over the edge and I drove into him hard. "Oh.. my love.."
He writhed below me as I stroked him fast, firm. Bam tensed around me, making my eyelids flutter. He gasped my name just before I felt hot stickiness covereing my belly and chest, and I spilled into him a moment later, his low voice calling my name ringing in my ears.
I panted, collapsing atop him after pulling out gently. Gathering him in my arms, I hugged him tightly, kissing every inch of him I could reach. Not trusting my voice yet, I just clutched him tightly to my heaving chest. "Oh, Bammie, my baby..."
Bam returned my fervored kisses, pulling back to look up at me dazedly. "Well. I guess you aren't the bitch anymore."
Chapter 9-Scary-oke
~*~Ville~*~
Ah, the joys of mutual bitch..hood. Bitchness? Well, whatever, it was mututal. Bam's friends could say what they want; as far as I was concerned, we were each having our cake and eating it too. So to speak.
We were lounged on the deck, recovering from yet another hangover with my favorite cure, more beer. I had a cigarette dangling from the corner of my mouth, not bothering to remove it while it took a swallow of beer.
This apparently amused Bam, who immediately grabbed one of my cigarettes, lit up and crammed it into the corner of his own mouth. After he found a position where smoke didn't go immediately into his eyes, he tried taking a sip around the filter. He pulled a face and nearly spat out the beer soaked cigarette. "How do you do that?"
I gave him a wicked smile. "It's all about using your tongue, Bammie." He snorted and flipped me off. "Love you, too." Leaning up on one elbow, I looked over at him. "I wanna go out tonight," I pouted. "I wanna get drunk somewhere else."
"Why? You'll barely remember it tomorrow anyway." Bam snickered and then shrugged. "And we won't be able to lay down when we get real clobbered." I gave him my best pout, fluttered my lashes, and set a hand on his wrist lightly. He caved, of course. I loved doing that entirely too much. "Fine. Where do you want to go?"
Ryan saved me the trouble of having to think, because he came bursting out of the house at that moment. "Yo bitches.. Dico finally found the rest of the footage from when we took Phil and Don Vito to karaoke-"
"Karaoke!" I shouted, giving Bam a pleading look. "Oh, let's go to karaoke, Bammie. Pwease? It'll be loads of fun." He was giving me Ape's look again, and I expected him to start shouting 'Are you kidding me!?' at any second. I wondered if he realized he had inherited the 'freak out' gene.
Bam shook his head. "No way. You just want to go show off." Well, I did, a little. But mostly I'd be showing off for him, so.. "Besides, you know I can't sing."
I was bouncing a bit on my chair, still gripping his wrist. He tugged it away. "Don't be a ridiculous, Bammie. Everyone can sing."
"You obviously haven't heard Phil and Don Vito." Ryan shook his head and went back inside, obviously giving us up for a bad job at the moment.
"Get drunk, and then we'll go." I pouted for all I was worth. Bam singing? No way was I going to let that opportunity slide.
Bam was still shaking his head. "If I get drunk, how will we get there, retard? You gonna drive?" The boy had a point. "Willa, I am *not* going to karaoke. And you can't make me." He nodded and crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest.
Three hours (and a bribe blowjob) later, we walked into the bar, already hearing the sounds of.. singing, I suppose you could call it, from inside. I grinned happily and Bam just rolled his eyes at me. "You're such a pain in my ass," he muttered.
"Well, you weren't complaining the other night." He blushed. I love that I can do that. I dragged him over to the bar for some shots, wanting him drunk enough to sing. Since we had been pregaming, I figured it wouldn't take too long.
By the way, I take back what I had said earlier. Apparently, not everyone can sing. We stared at the small stage, giggling as 3 people butchered 'Come Together'. "I've never heard the Beatles sound better."
Bam snickered, still thinking he would get out of singing. He watched me onstage, shaking my hips in my second tightest pair of jeans (since he had refused to help me, I had to forget about getting the tightest pair on), laughing his ass off.
After I finished (Like a Virgin, just for my Bammie), I tripped off the stage, still giggling. I grabbed us two more shots and plopped down next to him. "Alright, time to pick you a song. Pwease, Bammie-wammie?"
"I'm so not drunk enough." Bam rolled his eyes as I motioned impatiently to his shot glass, but laughed and tossed it back. "You sounded so dumb, Willa." I decided that meant 'Thanks for singing to me, baby'.
"Come on, choose one." I pushed the karaoke menu closer to him encouragingly. I really, *really* wanted to see him make an ass of himself. "Look here, you can do some Stryper!" I laughed at the disgusted look he gave me.
He sighed. "You aren't going to give up, are you?" I shook my head, giving him a sweet smile. He snorted and began flipping through the list of songs. "..such a twat," he muttered under his breath.
I kissed his cheek messily, laughing as he shoved me away. "No.. I'm a dick. You are what you eat, remember." He stared at me for a full minute before bursting into laughter. I just pointed to the book, recognizing the slightly glazed look he gets when he's hammered. This was gonna be fun.
~*~Bam~*~
Fucking karaoke. Who the fuck does this shit for fun anyway? I mean, you're just embarrassing yourself in front of a bunch of total strangers. Unless, of course, you're the lead singer of a fucking band like Ville. Asshole. Of course he picks things that he's good at and I'm not.
I sighed heavily as I looked through the book, hoping that my attitude was getting it through to Ville that i did not want to do this, and I was only doing it for him. That little fucker just has to give the best blowjobs ever. If it weren't for his mouth and my dick, I wouldn't be here right now, staring at a list of Barry Manilow songs. "This shit sucks," I muttered angrily, not finding one single song I even knew the words to (that I would admit in public I knew the words to anyway).
"Bammie, pick!" Ville whined, staring at me with those wide eyes. He leaned over me, placing his chin on my shoulder, and flipped the page of the book eagerly. "Errrmmm....how about...oh! here's one!" He pointed at a title and I just stared at it, then at him in shock.
"Ville...you really expect me to get up there and sing 'Pour Some Sugar on Me'?" He giggled a bit and nodded his head. "Well guess again," I stated. "No amount of booze in this world could make me drunk enough for that shit."
Ville sighed and flipped the page, scanning down for a song that didn't toally suck ass. I groaned in frustration and turned to the chick who was currently taking her turn up at the stage, singing, believe it or not 'Lick it Up', of all things. Surprisingly, it didn't suck all that much.
"Ok, how about 'Stayin' Alive'?" Ville asked, pointing to it on the page. I turned to glare at him for a moment, and he just shrugged. "Come on, it can't be any worse than that," he said, pointing to the stage. The 'Lick it Up' chick was finished, and now some dude and his frat buddy were up there, totally butchering 'Margaritaville'.
"Ville," I said, "Didn't you get the memo? Disco is dead."
Ville stared at me for a long moment, confusion in his pretty green eyes. He cocked his head to the side and frowned a bit. "No, I didn't get that memo," he said, quite seriously.
I just laughed and patted his hand. "It's ok babe," I said and he smiled at me. Sometimes, that boy can really be...special.
After a few (well, ok-alot) more drinks and another hour's worth of drunks butchering perfectly good songs, my ass was on the chopping block. I gulped as I stumbled up there, with Ville pushing me a bit from behind. I finally got sick of looking for songs and just closed my eyes, flipped to a random page and let my finger drop. And of course, that was the wrong thing to do cause the shit I wound up with was just...not good at all.
I grabbed the mike and let my eyes wander, trying to find Ville. He was leaning against a table in the front, sipping a beer and smiling. When I found him, he waved and gave me a thumbs up sign. I had to really fight the urge to flip him the finger.
The first few chords of the song started, and I sucked in a breath. 'It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok...'
"Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me..."
Shit! The song was starting without me! Mortified, I raced to catch myself up, stumbling over words in the process. I finally caught up somewhere around the "gotta move on" part in the song, but sadly, things only went downhill from there.
"Won't you take me to Funkytown...won't you take me to Funkytown..."
Oh my God, this bitch's voice was more high pitched than I remembered it. 'Roll with it Bam, roll with it, you're almost done, it's almost done...'
Finally, after what seemed like forever and a day, "Funkytown" was over and I could jump (well, stumble, fall and drunkenly swagger) far, far away to the back corner of the bar, deep in the shadows where nobody could find me. Ever.
Of course, by that time I was all but hyperventilating. Seriously, I just can't do shit like that. I don't know how Ville does it every night on stage in front of thousands. I seriously had new respect for him.
Anyway, I couldn't breathe, and the walls were closing in on me, so I had to get out of there. Once I weasled my way out of the bar, I sank against the wall and gulped in the air as fast as I could. I gulped in a little too much though, and it didn't mix well with my nerves and the beer in my system and I leaned over to teh side and began to puke my guts out.
That's exactly the position Ville found me in five minutes later. He knelt down beside me and rubbed my back as I finished puking and knelt against him, exhausted. "Bammie, you did great," he finally said after I calmed down some. I snorted and he ran his fingers through my hair. "Really darling, it was alright," he said and kissed my forehead. "No need to get yourself sick about it."
"How do you do that everynight?" I whispered and he chuckled.
"I'm used to it by now sweetheart," he said. "But in the beginning, I was as scared about it as you. In fact, I even threw up over it a few times myself."
"Yea well, that was the last time," I grumbled as he pulled me up and towards the car. "You got me to it once; consider that proof of how much I love your Finnish ass."
Ville laughed as i leaned heavily against him and dug my car keys out of my pocket. "Are you alright to get us home, Bam?" he questioned.
I shook my head. "No, but I'll get us there anyway," I muttered.
Ville giggled and pinched my cheek. "I am really proud of you for doing that for me, love," he whispered in my ear. "I love you so much."
I turned a bit and smiled, and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. As we pulled away, I muttered, "You're such a girl Willa," which I'm sure he would tell you is Bamish for "I love you too babe."
He laughed and caught my hand in his and swung it a bit. "Now let's go home and get drunkerer!" he shouted happily and I laughed.
Man, there is nothing quite like a night out on the town with Ville and Bam.
Chapter 10-Full Circle (the end)
~*~Ville~*~
"Bammie.." I could hear the whine in my own voice, but I couldn't help it. We were on the roof of his house, drunk off our asses. I was clutching an economy sized roll of seran wrap. I was pressed against the roof, trying to melt into it, being deathly afraid of heights. I offer one word to you- Jagermeister.
I'm sure some people are laughing already, the rest need an explanation. Jagermeister brings out the absolute maniac in everyone I know. You drink that shit, and you just go nuts. Since Bam and I (mostly Bam) are already a bit nuts, you can imagine how this affected us.
"Hey! Raab, come out on the roof with us," Bam had demanded. And poor Rabbio, being the lush he was, giggled and complied. "Grab that seran wrap, Willa." Before I could ask why, Bam pressed a light kiss just under my ear, making me completely compliant to whatever insanity was about to go down.
We each had a few more shots on the roof, me clinging desperately to Bam, and Raab just laughing hysterically before he promptly passed out. Bam stood and began moving around, utterly fearless as always. I just tried not to look down. He tugged down Raab's pants and pressed him ass first against Dunn's window. "C'mon, Willa.. seran wrap him to the window here."
I crawled over, sure I'd tumble right off the fucking roof if I stood. This had to be payback for karaoke. Whimpering softly, I let Bam tug me to my feet, arms tight around him and my face in his neck. "I can't!"
"Oh, you fucking can so." But I felt him give me a comforting squeeze. "C'mon, one more shot and you'll be fine." Bam held the bottle out to me, waving it slightly. "Don't be a pussy." He grinned as I cursed him in Finnish and took a long swallow of liquid courage. Or liquid insanity. Whatever.
"What if he falls?" But I was already carefully edging around the small outcropping on the roof, wrapping seran wrap around it and a still comatose Raab. "He could get really hurt, Bammie. What if he falls and breaks his neck?"
Bam rolled his eyes. "Seran wrap him *tight*. He won't go anywhere." He was giggling as I continued to inch my way around on the roof, while he held Raab up. "This is the funniest shit ever. Him and Dunn are gonna freak tomorrow!"
Well, Raab most likely would. Dunn was, after all, only waking up to a 'full moon'. The thought amused the hell out of me, and I began giggling too. "I don't think we should drink Jager anymore, BamBam. It makes us all crazy-like."
He stopped me for a quick kiss, giving my ass a pat to send me on my way around Raab and the jutting window once more. Bam grinned wide, obviously proud of his little stunt. "Couple more times should do it." He let go of Raab experimentally, checking to see how much the seran wrap stretched.
I tied it tightly, squinting hard to focus through all the Jager. Raab may be a muffed up retard, but.. He's just a kid. He'll grow out of it. Maybe. "Okay. All set." I grabbed onto Bam again, thinking that maybe drinking to feel more comfortable on the roof hadn't been such a good plan.
"Let's go do some more stuff." Bam laughed, already picturing mischief in his pretty, deranged little head. "We can do Dunn's stupid limo, and Ape's car. Let's seran wrap everything!" Suddenly his gorgeous blue eyes widened. "Let's seran wrap the limo to the PT Loser!!"
It was a funny visual. I started laughing with him, even while I felt bad for his mother. The woman deserves to be canonized after all the shit my hellraiser of a boyfriend gives her. "Okay, but Bammie.." I felt the pout return, my eyes wide. "How do we get down?"
~*~Bam~*~
"Just jump, ya little pussy," I shouted up to Ville, who was clinging to the rainspout on the side of my house for dear life. I totally forgot that Ville isn't the athletic type, ready and willing to jump off roofs and shit like the rest of my friends, so we had to take the relatively safe route down: shimmy down the rainspout. I, of course, just decided to jump halfway and wound up landing in a pretty hefty bush, so it wasn't all that bad. But Ville was convinced he was going to fall, miss the bush entirely somehow, and splatter all over the ground. And I just know if that happened I would never hear the end of it.
"I can't! I'm gonna fucking splatter like an egg down there!" Ville screamed, looking down at me with wide eyes.
I sighed and stretched my arms out. "I'll fucking catch you babe; just drop," I said and he shook his head. I rolled my eyes. "Come on Willa! I was higher up than you when I dropped and I'm fine!"
"Yea but you're crazy!" screamed Ville. "You do this shit for a living!"
"Exactly," I said, "I've jumped higher than this with less to break my fall than you have, and I'm still alive today. So I'm thinking you can trust me on this one, eh?"
Somehow or another, Ville managed to find his balls and let go with his eyes clamped shut and a scream escaping his lips. He fell on top of me and I collapsed into the bush, arms wrapped tightly around him. "See," I huffed after a minute, "You're still alive."
"Yea, well, I have a feeling you're gonna be the death of me boy," Ville grumbled as he opened his eyes and discovered that indeed he was still alive. "I escaped fate tonight, but it's coming. I can feel it."
"Oh shut up," I groaned, pushing him off me so I could stand up. "I'm not that bad and you know it." I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the seran wrap. "Now," I said, grinning evilly as I picked it up and waved it in his face, "Ready to seran wrap Ape's car to Dunn's limo?"
OK, let's just say I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to seran wrap everything. A few hours later, after seran wrapping a piss drunk, unconscious Novak to an equally unconscious Dico in the always hilarious 69 position, I dragged Ville into our room and slammed the door shut, giggling like a demented schoolgirl. "Willa, wasn't that fun?" I asked, leaning in to him.
The poor man didn't look so amused. Drunk yes, tired, yes, amused...no. "It was about as fun as watching paint dry," he responded, climbing onto my bed and flopping down with a long sigh. "Bammie, let's just cuddle now. I don't wanna do anymore crazy things."
I pouted and hopped on top of him, pressing our faces close together. "Don't be a party pooper, Willy," I said, pressing our noses tip to tip and staring straight into his eyes. "I still have half a roll of seran wrap!"
He leaned his head up a bit and kissed the tip of my nose. He sighed and pulled my head down so it was mashed in the crook of his neck and wrapped his arms around me so I couldn't escape. "No more wrapping," he said softly. "Cuddle now."
"Fine," I sighed, shifting so I was a bit more comfortable. "Sucks for you, cause I was gonna let you seran wrap me to the bed and have your way with me."
That perked him up, just like I knew it would. "Really?" he asked, his voice sounding more awake and definitely more eager.
I snorted. "Hell no!" I replied. "I just wanted to get you all excited, then squash your dreams, like you squashed mine."
He grunted and smacked my head a bit. "Bam, you are a devilish little twat," he said in a quiet tone. I just buried my face in his neck again and snickered.
A few hours later, somebody had managed to get up and get some beer, cause we were both shittossed. Ville was back to being butt ass naked on his side of the bed with his shoelace and his tattooed penis, trying hard to make the puppets-again. I, on the other hand, was halfheartedly watching 'Dude, Where's My Car?' on HBO. Yea, I was too damn lazy to call the cable company and cancel that shit, so Ville still watches his bad American movies and I still have to put up with him quoting them all the time.
I was staring at Ville's cock tattoo (which was actually the coolest fucking thing ever now that all the swelling and sore skin had gone away) when a major realization dawned on me. In the past 12 days, Ville and I have managed to get cock and ass tattoos, get kicked out of a grocery store for dueling with mops, have a goldfish eating contest, had messy drunken sex that ended with Ville getting whacked with a candle, had the hot wax from said candle poured all over my chest while I was sleeping, lost the Hummer at my own house, did some kind of crazy thing in the woods that got me sick as a dog, overdosed on cold medicine, had the weirdest conversation about the mysteries of life, popped my cherry, went to karaoke and seran wrapped my friends in various places around my house. And after all that, we somehow managed to get right back to where we started: Ville playing with his dick, and me taking great amusement in watching. And as always-we did this all drunk. Not too shabby, I must say.
So basically, we came full circle, we did it all, anything a pair of drunken nidiots like us can do anyway, and now we were back to this. Which was fine by me, cause I really wasn't sure I could take anymore insanity. Actually, I could probably take the insanity. Ville, however, probably can't take much more. He and his Finnish friends are all pretty crazy, sure-but they are definitely no CKY Crew.
Just as I got done thinking how great it was that everything was back to good for the sake of my poor wittle Willa and his ever fleeting sanity, he turned to me with wide eyes and a drunken smile.
"Bammie, I'm bored."
"Oh, my God..."
Well, that was it. Comments are loved...let me know if you want me to post the sequel! Gotta thank my Jess-Jess, even though she doesn't come on here at all, but she IS this story. Most of the things we came up with in here is her life, and I love her dearly for it. Also, you may have notcied that all smut was done in Ville's POV...that is because I can't do smut (I have visions of the nuns who taught me when I was in school murdering me if they ever caught that and it messes my head up), so she wrote all the smut in the story. Aaaand...ok, yea, that's it. Comment!