As Fate Wills
Characters: Bam, Ville and everybody around them
Disclaimer: DK,DO,NH
Summary: Lots of unpredictable drama: Bam is in a wheelchair and Ville is suffering from a severe addiction ... now Bam apologises to Jess, but breakfast still ends in a catastrophe...
http://www.vajokki-fiction.de.vu
Chapter 1 & 2
Chapter 3 & 4
Chapter 5 & 6
Chapter 7 & 8
Chapter 9 & 10
Chapter 11 & 12
Chapter 13, 14, 15
Chapter 16 & 17
Chapter 18 & 19
Chapter 20 & 21
Chapter 22 & 23
As Fate Wills
Chapter 24
The next morning, Bam didn’t wake up to the familiar beep of his alarm clock. He thought he had heard a quiet thud, but the room was still dark when he had finally blinked enough to see clearly again. Nevertheless, he believed he had seen a moving shadow in the corner of his eye, but once he turned around to focus, there was nobody there. The only thing Bam heard loud and clearly was the scoop of his door when it opened and closed, and it freaked him quite a bit. Someone had been watching him and Jenn sleep, but never said a word and had disappeared soundlessly.
Shrugging it off, Bam then exhaled and realized Jenn was snugly cuddled up to him. Something about the whole situation felt very wrong. And then yesterday’s events came to his mind, striking hard. Jess, Dico, Novak and Ryan had suspected him to be addicted to heroin, but it turned out it was really Ville … whilst in reality, this had been clear much longer before, but nobody had ever noticed. And then after that, he had gotten into a huge argument with his brother, who blamed him for doing to way too much for Ville already and Bam ended up throwing … throwing Jess out of the house!?
He gasped for breath. Had he really told him to “get the fuck outta his sight!” only minutes after they’d discovered Ville was doing heroin? He frowned. It had really been a weird night.
Carefully, he woke up Jenn and looked into her tear stung eyes, and saw her strained make up. He probably didn’t look much better himself. “Time to get up, baby.” he said calmly and shifted. In exchange, she gave him a concerned look. “Bam? Are you alright?” He nodded slowly. “I guess. Listen, we’ll make this better, right? We’ll restore what has been?” Jenn looked at him for a second too long, but then agreed. “Yeah … sure.” - “Please, we can handle all of this, can’t we?” Bam asked, concerned about the slightly doubting look on his fiancées face. “We do, of course we do … it’s just getting too much lately. Happening way to fast. I’m just worried that none of this is positive for your recovering.”
Bam sighed. Was he the only one that found Ville’s problem much harder than his? He had been going through this paralysis for quite some time now, it was getting better and although it was still much to cope with, it wasn’t able to continuously wreck him, and neither mentally get to him … anymore. Ville’s situation was different, and since he obviously couldn’t get much support in Finland right now, he’d have to find it over in America instead. Bam decided to talk to the other HIM members in private later, because they’d most likely be concerned about their singer, too.
But now, he had something more important to do. He wasn’t going to loose his family over any of this; no, he had to apologize to his brother as soon as possible.
He did so by phoning him right after getting dressed. Breakfast would have to wait. The telephone was ringing multiple times, and Bam was already getting scared that Jess would just refuse to talk to his brother. But then again, it was still early in the morning and Jess’ family was most likely still asleep, as were most of the other residents of Castle Bam.
Finally, someone answered the phone. “Margera?” a sleepy Jess asked and yawned.
“Hey! It’s Bam.” Bam replied and waited for his brother’s reaction, which failed to appear. If it hadn’t been for faint breathing coming through the receiver, one could’ve assumed the line was dead. “Jess?” he asked again and swallowed.
“Didn’t expect to hear from you so soon again.” the delayed answer then came, sounding pretty prosaic.
“Look Jess, I just wanted to say I’m … I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to leave.”
“You never asked. You just commanded me to get the fuck out of your house.”
Bam sighed miserably. “I know. It wasn’t supposed to come out this way; it was just a matter of the moment. Everything was kinda … heated.”
“Very true.” Jess had to agree, “I overreacted myself. I shouldn’t have blamed you for trying to fix Ville’s shit. Problems I mean. You’re just being so charitable whilst in a screwed up situation yourself … I just don’t want you to overreach yourself with everything, you know?”
“Yes, Jess, just don’t worry about me so much. It’s just … if Ville needs me, I’ll be there for him.”
“He doesn’t need you Bam.”
“What?!” Bam didn’t quiet believe his ears. Did he just say Ville didn’t need him? What was that supposed to mean?
Jess realized he’d said the wrong thing immediately, and tried to darn the situation. “Aww Bam, it wasn’t…”
“No!” Bam snapped back, actually getting upset once again, “Why do you keep going on about this?”
“Because…” Jess sighed. This turn wasn’t good, at all. “…because I think you’re kind of overestimating your position in this whole HIM thing. Don’t get me wrong… it’s just that I’m afraid that you’re giving them way too much and don’t get anything back. Except drama. That’s what I meant yesterday night, too.”
”Jess it’s so not like that. Would you please just accept that, and let it go? At least as long as Ville is … well you know. Involved in this drug thing.” Bam said more calmly then Jess expected. Maybe his brother could be more mature than he thought at times.
“I … ok, Bam. But I want you to know that I do this for you though, ok? Not HIM. And I still wonder if you really think you can get Ville off the drugs that easily?”
“I’m not assuming it to be easy. But we’re gonna make it happen. We’ve always made things happen, no matter if they hurt or not. Never given up.” Bam noticed he was basically repeating what he had been told himself not too long ago, by more or less a stranger, Chad Petrel.
Jess swallowed. “I love you Bam-Bam.”, he said.
“Jeez! No homo, you sick fuck!”, was Bam’s reply out of the blue, immediately removing the tension and causing them both to laugh out loud. “Jesus haha! Do you always gotta be like that?” Jess asked between chuckles and Bam replied “Sure, it’s my fuckin’ job to be funny!” in the same manner.
After a minute or two, they finally calmed down again and Bam asked Jess to come over, to which his brother agreed. Neither of them was ever going to let the other one down, they had promised a long time ago.
Chapter 25
Not much later, everybody in the house gathered around the kitchen table in the Pirate Bar for breakfast, the mood still being quite sensitive. Nobody really dared to talk or even start a conversation, especially since they all just had one topic in mind and would most likely end up discussing it: Ville’s drug addiction. A bunch of questions evolving from it remained unanswered, although a solution had to be found as soon as possible. It wasn’t just important to help the singer overcome his problem; there also had to be plans made for the near future. After all, HIM were here to play concerts. But it now seemed like they could kiss those goodbye, and with that loose the only record deal they had left. It was a vicious circle that couldn’t be escaped.
After a couple of minutes eating in awkward silence, Linde raised his head and looked around questioningly. “Um…just wondering, but; where is Ville? Did anyone happen to call him for breakfast?” Burton nodded quickly. “I did, yeah. But the door was locked and he didn’t quite react to any knocks. And I was knocking like mad, can’t believe he overheard it. Maybe he’s been ignoring it, who knows, who cares?!” - “Who cares?!!?” That was Mikko, barely sticking to English but supporting his disbelief of the comment with some Finnish muttering.
“Oh come on Migé! I just meant that if Ville decides to stay in his room, then he will stay in his room. You know him well enough to know that one can’t push him to do anything against his will. Or keep him from doing what he likes.” - “I know, I know … I just … what if he’s not ok? ‘Cause why didn’t he say a word? He could’ve just told you to fuck off.”, Mikko said, although it wasn’t too typical of him to worry so much. Linde shrugged. “Maybe we should check on him once more. He’ll have to react sooner or later, anyway.”
When Linde then attempted to shove his chair back so he could stand up, he finally drew the others attention to their previous conversation. “Where’re you going?” Bam asked with sheer inquisitiveness.
“Go and see what Ville’s doing. He never reacted to Burton calling him for breakfast earlier, and we just want to make sure he’s alright.” The skater nodded. Of course he had noticed that his Finnish friend was missing, but he also understood that it must be hard for him to face everybody right now and that it probably wasn’t the best idea to force Ville to join the group for breakfast.
It didn’t take a long time until Linde and Mikko returned, shaking their heads in uncertainty. “Nothing. The door is still locked, there’re no noises coming from inside and he just doesn’t react to knocking, yelling …I’m honestly starting to find this a little creepy. What if something … happened to him?” Linde said and glanced at the bedroom door, as if he expected Ville to open it every moment. Bam ruminated, then suddenly replied: “I bet I’ve got spare keys somewhere! And if you’re really thinking we have a reason to worry … there is a way of getting inside...” The rest of the Finnish band looked at each other, not really knowing how to decide. Unlocking the room would somehow be similar to invading Ville’s privacy, but what else could they possibly do?
“Bam?” a voice unexpectedly came from the other side of the table. It was Novak. “I really think you should go. I mean … it happens everyday … err … I dunno for how long Ville has been doing heroin, but people overdose everyday, unintentionally or not. I’m not saying anything happened, it’s just … I’ve seen this before, back in Baltimore, when nobody checked on the dude and … he’d be still alive if he had had the friends to do it.” Bam swallowed. He hadn’t even considered this option yet, and it sort of frightened him. For him, it was still beyond imagination to picture Ville taking drugs.
It hadn’t taken a long time to find the spare keys, and Bam now attempted to put it into the keyhole, shaking a little. In what condition would they find their friend? Why for god’s sake didn’t he react? Finally, the door sprung open to reveal nothing close to meet their expectations. The room was all neat and tidy, the bed made and there were two suitcases ready to leave. But no Ville in sight.
“What the hell?”, Bam asked, aghast, “If he’s not here, then where the fuck is he?” - “Looks like he left … without a word, or a note.” Jenn stated, not less stunned than her boyfriend, who now felt like he knew who had been invading their bedroom earlier: Ville.
The skater was now observing the room silently and then picked up a small sheet of paper from the nightstand. “Not completely without a note, I assume.” he said and scanned the scribbling, “Seems to be Finnish. All I can make out are the curse words… vittu, paska, itsemurha …”
“What?” Linde suddenly asked, whilst Burton grabbed the paper from Bam’s hands. “What’s the last word you mentioned?”
“Itsemurha or something. Ville used it once when he told me about all you’ve been through back in Europe.” Bam replied and wondered why Linde’s eyes widened in horror. Burton, having read the paper, looked at him and shook his head miserably, causing his blond friend to close his eyes and turn his head away. “We should’ve known.” he almost whispered and his bottom lip began to quiver.
“Hey! I’m sorry, but would you just inform us what’s going on?” Bam asked, confused and scared by the men’s reactions. Burton looked at him and sighed.
“Itsemurha means suicide in Finnish... This is Ville’s suicide note, Bam.”
Disclaimer: DK,DO,NH
Summary: Lots of unpredictable drama: Bam is in a wheelchair and Ville is suffering from a severe addiction ... now Bam apologises to Jess, but breakfast still ends in a catastrophe...
http://www.vajokki-fiction.de.vu
Chapter 1 & 2
Chapter 3 & 4
Chapter 5 & 6
Chapter 7 & 8
Chapter 9 & 10
Chapter 11 & 12
Chapter 13, 14, 15
Chapter 16 & 17
Chapter 18 & 19
Chapter 20 & 21
Chapter 22 & 23
As Fate Wills
Chapter 24
The next morning, Bam didn’t wake up to the familiar beep of his alarm clock. He thought he had heard a quiet thud, but the room was still dark when he had finally blinked enough to see clearly again. Nevertheless, he believed he had seen a moving shadow in the corner of his eye, but once he turned around to focus, there was nobody there. The only thing Bam heard loud and clearly was the scoop of his door when it opened and closed, and it freaked him quite a bit. Someone had been watching him and Jenn sleep, but never said a word and had disappeared soundlessly.
Shrugging it off, Bam then exhaled and realized Jenn was snugly cuddled up to him. Something about the whole situation felt very wrong. And then yesterday’s events came to his mind, striking hard. Jess, Dico, Novak and Ryan had suspected him to be addicted to heroin, but it turned out it was really Ville … whilst in reality, this had been clear much longer before, but nobody had ever noticed. And then after that, he had gotten into a huge argument with his brother, who blamed him for doing to way too much for Ville already and Bam ended up throwing … throwing Jess out of the house!?
He gasped for breath. Had he really told him to “get the fuck outta his sight!” only minutes after they’d discovered Ville was doing heroin? He frowned. It had really been a weird night.
Carefully, he woke up Jenn and looked into her tear stung eyes, and saw her strained make up. He probably didn’t look much better himself. “Time to get up, baby.” he said calmly and shifted. In exchange, she gave him a concerned look. “Bam? Are you alright?” He nodded slowly. “I guess. Listen, we’ll make this better, right? We’ll restore what has been?” Jenn looked at him for a second too long, but then agreed. “Yeah … sure.” - “Please, we can handle all of this, can’t we?” Bam asked, concerned about the slightly doubting look on his fiancées face. “We do, of course we do … it’s just getting too much lately. Happening way to fast. I’m just worried that none of this is positive for your recovering.”
Bam sighed. Was he the only one that found Ville’s problem much harder than his? He had been going through this paralysis for quite some time now, it was getting better and although it was still much to cope with, it wasn’t able to continuously wreck him, and neither mentally get to him … anymore. Ville’s situation was different, and since he obviously couldn’t get much support in Finland right now, he’d have to find it over in America instead. Bam decided to talk to the other HIM members in private later, because they’d most likely be concerned about their singer, too.
But now, he had something more important to do. He wasn’t going to loose his family over any of this; no, he had to apologize to his brother as soon as possible.
He did so by phoning him right after getting dressed. Breakfast would have to wait. The telephone was ringing multiple times, and Bam was already getting scared that Jess would just refuse to talk to his brother. But then again, it was still early in the morning and Jess’ family was most likely still asleep, as were most of the other residents of Castle Bam.
Finally, someone answered the phone. “Margera?” a sleepy Jess asked and yawned.
“Hey! It’s Bam.” Bam replied and waited for his brother’s reaction, which failed to appear. If it hadn’t been for faint breathing coming through the receiver, one could’ve assumed the line was dead. “Jess?” he asked again and swallowed.
“Didn’t expect to hear from you so soon again.” the delayed answer then came, sounding pretty prosaic.
“Look Jess, I just wanted to say I’m … I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to leave.”
“You never asked. You just commanded me to get the fuck out of your house.”
Bam sighed miserably. “I know. It wasn’t supposed to come out this way; it was just a matter of the moment. Everything was kinda … heated.”
“Very true.” Jess had to agree, “I overreacted myself. I shouldn’t have blamed you for trying to fix Ville’s shit. Problems I mean. You’re just being so charitable whilst in a screwed up situation yourself … I just don’t want you to overreach yourself with everything, you know?”
“Yes, Jess, just don’t worry about me so much. It’s just … if Ville needs me, I’ll be there for him.”
“He doesn’t need you Bam.”
“What?!” Bam didn’t quiet believe his ears. Did he just say Ville didn’t need him? What was that supposed to mean?
Jess realized he’d said the wrong thing immediately, and tried to darn the situation. “Aww Bam, it wasn’t…”
“No!” Bam snapped back, actually getting upset once again, “Why do you keep going on about this?”
“Because…” Jess sighed. This turn wasn’t good, at all. “…because I think you’re kind of overestimating your position in this whole HIM thing. Don’t get me wrong… it’s just that I’m afraid that you’re giving them way too much and don’t get anything back. Except drama. That’s what I meant yesterday night, too.”
”Jess it’s so not like that. Would you please just accept that, and let it go? At least as long as Ville is … well you know. Involved in this drug thing.” Bam said more calmly then Jess expected. Maybe his brother could be more mature than he thought at times.
“I … ok, Bam. But I want you to know that I do this for you though, ok? Not HIM. And I still wonder if you really think you can get Ville off the drugs that easily?”
“I’m not assuming it to be easy. But we’re gonna make it happen. We’ve always made things happen, no matter if they hurt or not. Never given up.” Bam noticed he was basically repeating what he had been told himself not too long ago, by more or less a stranger, Chad Petrel.
Jess swallowed. “I love you Bam-Bam.”, he said.
“Jeez! No homo, you sick fuck!”, was Bam’s reply out of the blue, immediately removing the tension and causing them both to laugh out loud. “Jesus haha! Do you always gotta be like that?” Jess asked between chuckles and Bam replied “Sure, it’s my fuckin’ job to be funny!” in the same manner.
After a minute or two, they finally calmed down again and Bam asked Jess to come over, to which his brother agreed. Neither of them was ever going to let the other one down, they had promised a long time ago.
Chapter 25
Not much later, everybody in the house gathered around the kitchen table in the Pirate Bar for breakfast, the mood still being quite sensitive. Nobody really dared to talk or even start a conversation, especially since they all just had one topic in mind and would most likely end up discussing it: Ville’s drug addiction. A bunch of questions evolving from it remained unanswered, although a solution had to be found as soon as possible. It wasn’t just important to help the singer overcome his problem; there also had to be plans made for the near future. After all, HIM were here to play concerts. But it now seemed like they could kiss those goodbye, and with that loose the only record deal they had left. It was a vicious circle that couldn’t be escaped.
After a couple of minutes eating in awkward silence, Linde raised his head and looked around questioningly. “Um…just wondering, but; where is Ville? Did anyone happen to call him for breakfast?” Burton nodded quickly. “I did, yeah. But the door was locked and he didn’t quite react to any knocks. And I was knocking like mad, can’t believe he overheard it. Maybe he’s been ignoring it, who knows, who cares?!” - “Who cares?!!?” That was Mikko, barely sticking to English but supporting his disbelief of the comment with some Finnish muttering.
“Oh come on Migé! I just meant that if Ville decides to stay in his room, then he will stay in his room. You know him well enough to know that one can’t push him to do anything against his will. Or keep him from doing what he likes.” - “I know, I know … I just … what if he’s not ok? ‘Cause why didn’t he say a word? He could’ve just told you to fuck off.”, Mikko said, although it wasn’t too typical of him to worry so much. Linde shrugged. “Maybe we should check on him once more. He’ll have to react sooner or later, anyway.”
When Linde then attempted to shove his chair back so he could stand up, he finally drew the others attention to their previous conversation. “Where’re you going?” Bam asked with sheer inquisitiveness.
“Go and see what Ville’s doing. He never reacted to Burton calling him for breakfast earlier, and we just want to make sure he’s alright.” The skater nodded. Of course he had noticed that his Finnish friend was missing, but he also understood that it must be hard for him to face everybody right now and that it probably wasn’t the best idea to force Ville to join the group for breakfast.
It didn’t take a long time until Linde and Mikko returned, shaking their heads in uncertainty. “Nothing. The door is still locked, there’re no noises coming from inside and he just doesn’t react to knocking, yelling …I’m honestly starting to find this a little creepy. What if something … happened to him?” Linde said and glanced at the bedroom door, as if he expected Ville to open it every moment. Bam ruminated, then suddenly replied: “I bet I’ve got spare keys somewhere! And if you’re really thinking we have a reason to worry … there is a way of getting inside...” The rest of the Finnish band looked at each other, not really knowing how to decide. Unlocking the room would somehow be similar to invading Ville’s privacy, but what else could they possibly do?
“Bam?” a voice unexpectedly came from the other side of the table. It was Novak. “I really think you should go. I mean … it happens everyday … err … I dunno for how long Ville has been doing heroin, but people overdose everyday, unintentionally or not. I’m not saying anything happened, it’s just … I’ve seen this before, back in Baltimore, when nobody checked on the dude and … he’d be still alive if he had had the friends to do it.” Bam swallowed. He hadn’t even considered this option yet, and it sort of frightened him. For him, it was still beyond imagination to picture Ville taking drugs.
It hadn’t taken a long time to find the spare keys, and Bam now attempted to put it into the keyhole, shaking a little. In what condition would they find their friend? Why for god’s sake didn’t he react? Finally, the door sprung open to reveal nothing close to meet their expectations. The room was all neat and tidy, the bed made and there were two suitcases ready to leave. But no Ville in sight.
“What the hell?”, Bam asked, aghast, “If he’s not here, then where the fuck is he?” - “Looks like he left … without a word, or a note.” Jenn stated, not less stunned than her boyfriend, who now felt like he knew who had been invading their bedroom earlier: Ville.
The skater was now observing the room silently and then picked up a small sheet of paper from the nightstand. “Not completely without a note, I assume.” he said and scanned the scribbling, “Seems to be Finnish. All I can make out are the curse words… vittu, paska, itsemurha …”
“What?” Linde suddenly asked, whilst Burton grabbed the paper from Bam’s hands. “What’s the last word you mentioned?”
“Itsemurha or something. Ville used it once when he told me about all you’ve been through back in Europe.” Bam replied and wondered why Linde’s eyes widened in horror. Burton, having read the paper, looked at him and shook his head miserably, causing his blond friend to close his eyes and turn his head away. “We should’ve known.” he almost whispered and his bottom lip began to quiver.
“Hey! I’m sorry, but would you just inform us what’s going on?” Bam asked, confused and scared by the men’s reactions. Burton looked at him and sighed.
“Itsemurha means suicide in Finnish... This is Ville’s suicide note, Bam.”