you remind me of home.
my younger brother is destined to kill himself someday.
my mom has gone insane with stress.
yesturday, i sat in his hospital room and played acoustic ben gibbard for him quietly in the background. i've grown way past listening to any form of ben gibbard's music, but mark just started. he worships the man.
so, why'd you do it?
why did natalie do it?
natalie did it because dad died.
i guess i was just sick of breathing then.
i wanted to scream at him. he's being such a fucking foolish little kid. looking at my brother makes me sad, it makes me think about how i was when i was 16. I was just like him. I tried to kill myself right after my sister killed herself.
i started making myself puke after my attempt at suicide failed, just for the sake of puking. just to 'empty out' everything bad that was going on. me being bulimic had nothing to do with my weight. which is what everyone thought for some reason. "but justin, you're the skinniest boy i know." i just wanted to get whatever it was inside of me that was making me sad all of the time out. i never told anyone that because i knew that they would think i was crazy. but that's why i did it.
i only ever tried to kill myself once. after i went to therapy, i changed a lot. i developed other more subtle problems, but the more evident ones just went away.
this is probably the fourth time Mark's tried to kill himself, he's 16. my sister was 18. i'm turning 20 in a couple of days. it kind of makes me wonder if i'm the only one that got better.
i feel like a complete ass for writing this entry.
my mom has gone insane with stress.
yesturday, i sat in his hospital room and played acoustic ben gibbard for him quietly in the background. i've grown way past listening to any form of ben gibbard's music, but mark just started. he worships the man.
so, why'd you do it?
why did natalie do it?
natalie did it because dad died.
i guess i was just sick of breathing then.
i wanted to scream at him. he's being such a fucking foolish little kid. looking at my brother makes me sad, it makes me think about how i was when i was 16. I was just like him. I tried to kill myself right after my sister killed herself.
i started making myself puke after my attempt at suicide failed, just for the sake of puking. just to 'empty out' everything bad that was going on. me being bulimic had nothing to do with my weight. which is what everyone thought for some reason. "but justin, you're the skinniest boy i know." i just wanted to get whatever it was inside of me that was making me sad all of the time out. i never told anyone that because i knew that they would think i was crazy. but that's why i did it.
i only ever tried to kill myself once. after i went to therapy, i changed a lot. i developed other more subtle problems, but the more evident ones just went away.
this is probably the fourth time Mark's tried to kill himself, he's 16. my sister was 18. i'm turning 20 in a couple of days. it kind of makes me wonder if i'm the only one that got better.
i feel like a complete ass for writing this entry.