One Last Reflection
I think that this will be one of my very last livejournal entries, at least under this name. I can't remember the last time I actually wrote a worthwhile reading entry on here. It has been quite some time. I thank everyone that has read my journal over the years and responded to my posts when possible. Responding was not needed, but it is nice to hear some feedback. As I have stated before, I am on facebook, and might return to the online journal world, sometime in the near future or maybe at some point later in life.
I started this journal when I was 18 years old. Almost 4 years have gone by since that time frame. I am almost 22 years old. A lot has changed since then, and it is interesting to look back upon what you have written over the years and laugh at yourself from time to time. Needless to say, I have looked back upon previous entries and have gotten that same feeling. I dare you, read some of my first entries, then read this one as the very last, I can guarantee you that there is a defintely a noticable change.
When I was 18 years old...
-I had just graduated from Downers Grove North High School
-I bought my first lotto ticket
-I had completed my fourth year on varsity bowling
-I drove my parent's car to school with my sister and two of my close friends
-Feared of losing touch with certain people because I was going to college
-Began my freshman year at Illinois State University as a Secondary Education English Major living in Hewett Hall in room 1502 with my random roommate
-I was just beginning a new chapter in my life independently.
When I was 21 years old...
-I bought my very first car
-I found someone that I care about deeply and we have been together for over a year (Now if you read my past entries on love and relationships, you will have seen why this is a big step for me)
-Broke out of my shell even more and became more independent
-Spent $200 on alcohol the first 8 weeks of the spring semester
-Lost touch with some of my friends
-I have applied for graduation from the Mennonite College of Nursing at Illinois State University with a date of May 2007 graduating with honors
A lot has changed since I have first started. I switched majors during the end of my freshman year and have lived with the same roommate ever since I began at ISU. Starting next year I will be rooming with someone else and I am happy about the change. It is going to be nice living with someone new for a change. Being honest with myself and others, I will probably not see or talk to my roommate of three years anymore. We have lost touch since we branched off going our own separate ways end of sophomore year. It isn't that I do not like the girl, or am trying to be rude, but in my eyes and hers as well, we are not really friends anymore and will do much better off on our own or with other people. I can say that it has been an interesting 3 years of living with her and a good learning experience. I do wish her the best beginning in May because I do not plan to keep in contact with her any longer.
Nursing school is rough, and has taught me a lot of things since I first began the program, one being committment. If you can't make the effort to want to be there for others, why be in the major. It is a demanding workload, and I have kept up to this day. I have surpassed my own expectations by being invited into 3 out 4 honor societies here at school. The last one, will be determined at the end of this year. I plan on working in geriatrics (older adults) upon graduation. Old people you say? Well aren't they cranky and grouchy?
(Yes and no, depends on how you look at the situation. I have served as a caregiver for my grandmother since I was 16 years old. Older adults are going to be the generation you will see in the hospitals and clinics in the future. Who is going to take care of them? I would like to, not in a nursing home setting, but possibly as a Nurse Practioner or a Doctor.)
I have been with Ryan for over a year now and have never been so happy. He puts up with me and is there through my good and bad times. Sure we have had our fights and share of cries, but I think in the end, he may be the one I have been searching for in my dreams. I love you and am so glad you are mine.
I was cleaning out one of my drawers today and found old notes that friends from 8th-12th grade had written to me. (You know those good old notebook paper written ones folded so many different ways so they could fit in your pocket) 7 years is a long time, but in that time frame so much can happen.
I was looking through the pile and found some from these girls Kristy, Cara, Shelly, Amillie, Kristin P., and Joy. Kristy as far as I know works in Chicago as a producer for KISS FM, for all you Chicago people out there. I speak to her every now and then having met her in high school, we became pretty good friends, especially through soccer. As for Cara and Kristin P., I haven't seen her in a couple years and Shelly, this girl that swore off drugs and alcohol for life, went off and became and alcoholic and a drug addict, and ended up dropping out of school. Amillie I last heard was in jail for stealing $2500 from a local Jewel. Joy I had befriended in junior high and we stopped talking around my sophomore year of high school. I heard she had gotten into a lot of trouble and ran away from home many times. She is supposedly getting married at the end of this year. She has invited me to the wedding, but I do not know if it is still my place to go or not.
Then I come to this girl Kristin whom I also no longer keep in touch with. Just laughing at her notes because they were silly and had so many mispelled words when she got mad. I hear now she may have her first boyfriend...ever.
Now it comes down to the last two people, one being this girl Lindsay whom I had met actually at one of Joy's birthday parties in 8th grade. I had no idea I would meet someone that would end up going to the same high school, take classes with me and share three years of marching band with me. We started talking during our band camp and instantly became friends. We went through good times and bad and could talk about anything and everything in mind. My favorite memory with her had to have been when we prank called this one kid in Ireland and fell in a bathtub. She was my best friend my fresh/soph year of high school. The end of my sophomore year we started drifting apart. Her brother had become a drug dealer and she started using and abusing and lost many of the friends that had hung out in our group. I specifically remember junior year when she was my roommate for the Toronto Trip, and I was told she could not go because she had gotten caught smoking pot at Purdue at a jazz festival. I did not see her again until graduation. I did get a chance to run into her four years later when she was working at a local restaurant. We sat down and talked for the first time in a long time. It was hard being estranged for a long time and I did find it hard to talk to the girl I could once tell anything to. I told her about my life, and she proceeded to tell me about hers. I learned she had gotten heavily into drugs and had had a daughter when she was 19. She had dropped out of school to care for her daughter. Her parents had gotten divorced and her drug dealing brother was in jail. The baby's father was no where to be found. She had mentioned how she wished all the bad things had never happened and if she could do things over she could. I agreed. She has called me a couple times over the past year to come visit her and to meet her daughter for the first time. To this day, I have not found the courage or the strength to pick up the phone and call her back.
I think the point where I did get very teary eyed was when I read notes from the girl I have called my best friend for many years, Laura Leann Sanders. We became friends in junior high and became very close instantly with constant gossip and game nights with friends. We shared loves for NSYNC and both worked with the park district when we were 15 and could share the horror stories and relate. We did go to different high schools, so we did not get to talk as much. But we made a very damn good effort to talk whenever we got the chance and hang out. Her family was like family to me and I always felt at home at her house. We were both on the bowling teams at our respective high schools and went to each others matches when our teams weren't playing. She was a great bowler and made the sectional team her senior year. She did tell me that she wished her dad could have seen her. Her dad died the summer before she started her senior year of high school from cancer. I was there for her after she came back from the hospital, and she turned and said to me, "All I wanted was for my dad to see me graduate from high school." I told her, "He will from above." I choose not to remember the rest of that horrible day. Things became hard for her family and Laura couldn't afford to go to community college and her sister worked to help pay bills, so my mother offered to pay for her books and supplies so that she could go to college. We can always pick back up from where we left off, but it is always hard to do. I haven't seen her since the Christmas before the last. We had gone out to dinner at Ruby Tuesday and it was just like old times except we were no longer 14-15 years old. Today she is a manager of an ice rink near my house and is still working on school. I have not talked to her since last summer, mainly because of our work schedules and school. I wonder how she is doing...I sent her an email, I just can't pick up the phone and call her like I used to because things have changed. I miss her the most of all the people I have lost touch with or stopped talking to. I am so proud of her for making it after her father passed away and she is one of the strongest people I know. I hope that she knows I have not forgotten about her and I miss her very much.
I have always thought that it can be very hard to move on in life. I used to once cry about how I never wanted to grow up when I was 16. I was afraid it was going to come too soon. I think now I am ready to move on with my life. I am ready to start working and move out of my house once I pay off loans from school. I don't ever regret the past and I look forward to what lies ahead. I hope I have good things in store for me and that I can make my dreams come true. I can't sit and dwell on the past, but look forward for what is to come. I have accomplished many things in my life thus far and will be the first person in my family to have a bachelor's degree. College so far has been the best three years of my young adulthood life. I will have to begin a new chapter in my life next year when I graduate just like I had done when I first came to college. I cried when I got there, and I will cry when I have to leave. Treasure every moment, live everyday. Smile like you mean it and always try your best. People come and people go, but the ones you never forget will stay in your heart forever.
**I do love keeping in touch with anyone who would like to. Please email me at ahdeles@ilstu.edu to keep in touch through email. I can't promise I will get to you right away, but will get to you.
AIM-oooooh nurse (o's)
I encourage thoughts, feelings, and comments. This is open to anyone who reads it. Thank you for reading my livejournal. &hearts Allison
I started this journal when I was 18 years old. Almost 4 years have gone by since that time frame. I am almost 22 years old. A lot has changed since then, and it is interesting to look back upon what you have written over the years and laugh at yourself from time to time. Needless to say, I have looked back upon previous entries and have gotten that same feeling. I dare you, read some of my first entries, then read this one as the very last, I can guarantee you that there is a defintely a noticable change.
When I was 18 years old...
-I had just graduated from Downers Grove North High School
-I bought my first lotto ticket
-I had completed my fourth year on varsity bowling
-I drove my parent's car to school with my sister and two of my close friends
-Feared of losing touch with certain people because I was going to college
-Began my freshman year at Illinois State University as a Secondary Education English Major living in Hewett Hall in room 1502 with my random roommate
-I was just beginning a new chapter in my life independently.
When I was 21 years old...
-I bought my very first car
-I found someone that I care about deeply and we have been together for over a year (Now if you read my past entries on love and relationships, you will have seen why this is a big step for me)
-Broke out of my shell even more and became more independent
-Spent $200 on alcohol the first 8 weeks of the spring semester
-Lost touch with some of my friends
-I have applied for graduation from the Mennonite College of Nursing at Illinois State University with a date of May 2007 graduating with honors
A lot has changed since I have first started. I switched majors during the end of my freshman year and have lived with the same roommate ever since I began at ISU. Starting next year I will be rooming with someone else and I am happy about the change. It is going to be nice living with someone new for a change. Being honest with myself and others, I will probably not see or talk to my roommate of three years anymore. We have lost touch since we branched off going our own separate ways end of sophomore year. It isn't that I do not like the girl, or am trying to be rude, but in my eyes and hers as well, we are not really friends anymore and will do much better off on our own or with other people. I can say that it has been an interesting 3 years of living with her and a good learning experience. I do wish her the best beginning in May because I do not plan to keep in contact with her any longer.
Nursing school is rough, and has taught me a lot of things since I first began the program, one being committment. If you can't make the effort to want to be there for others, why be in the major. It is a demanding workload, and I have kept up to this day. I have surpassed my own expectations by being invited into 3 out 4 honor societies here at school. The last one, will be determined at the end of this year. I plan on working in geriatrics (older adults) upon graduation. Old people you say? Well aren't they cranky and grouchy?
(Yes and no, depends on how you look at the situation. I have served as a caregiver for my grandmother since I was 16 years old. Older adults are going to be the generation you will see in the hospitals and clinics in the future. Who is going to take care of them? I would like to, not in a nursing home setting, but possibly as a Nurse Practioner or a Doctor.)
I have been with Ryan for over a year now and have never been so happy. He puts up with me and is there through my good and bad times. Sure we have had our fights and share of cries, but I think in the end, he may be the one I have been searching for in my dreams. I love you and am so glad you are mine.
I was cleaning out one of my drawers today and found old notes that friends from 8th-12th grade had written to me. (You know those good old notebook paper written ones folded so many different ways so they could fit in your pocket) 7 years is a long time, but in that time frame so much can happen.
I was looking through the pile and found some from these girls Kristy, Cara, Shelly, Amillie, Kristin P., and Joy. Kristy as far as I know works in Chicago as a producer for KISS FM, for all you Chicago people out there. I speak to her every now and then having met her in high school, we became pretty good friends, especially through soccer. As for Cara and Kristin P., I haven't seen her in a couple years and Shelly, this girl that swore off drugs and alcohol for life, went off and became and alcoholic and a drug addict, and ended up dropping out of school. Amillie I last heard was in jail for stealing $2500 from a local Jewel. Joy I had befriended in junior high and we stopped talking around my sophomore year of high school. I heard she had gotten into a lot of trouble and ran away from home many times. She is supposedly getting married at the end of this year. She has invited me to the wedding, but I do not know if it is still my place to go or not.
Then I come to this girl Kristin whom I also no longer keep in touch with. Just laughing at her notes because they were silly and had so many mispelled words when she got mad. I hear now she may have her first boyfriend...ever.
Now it comes down to the last two people, one being this girl Lindsay whom I had met actually at one of Joy's birthday parties in 8th grade. I had no idea I would meet someone that would end up going to the same high school, take classes with me and share three years of marching band with me. We started talking during our band camp and instantly became friends. We went through good times and bad and could talk about anything and everything in mind. My favorite memory with her had to have been when we prank called this one kid in Ireland and fell in a bathtub. She was my best friend my fresh/soph year of high school. The end of my sophomore year we started drifting apart. Her brother had become a drug dealer and she started using and abusing and lost many of the friends that had hung out in our group. I specifically remember junior year when she was my roommate for the Toronto Trip, and I was told she could not go because she had gotten caught smoking pot at Purdue at a jazz festival. I did not see her again until graduation. I did get a chance to run into her four years later when she was working at a local restaurant. We sat down and talked for the first time in a long time. It was hard being estranged for a long time and I did find it hard to talk to the girl I could once tell anything to. I told her about my life, and she proceeded to tell me about hers. I learned she had gotten heavily into drugs and had had a daughter when she was 19. She had dropped out of school to care for her daughter. Her parents had gotten divorced and her drug dealing brother was in jail. The baby's father was no where to be found. She had mentioned how she wished all the bad things had never happened and if she could do things over she could. I agreed. She has called me a couple times over the past year to come visit her and to meet her daughter for the first time. To this day, I have not found the courage or the strength to pick up the phone and call her back.
I think the point where I did get very teary eyed was when I read notes from the girl I have called my best friend for many years, Laura Leann Sanders. We became friends in junior high and became very close instantly with constant gossip and game nights with friends. We shared loves for NSYNC and both worked with the park district when we were 15 and could share the horror stories and relate. We did go to different high schools, so we did not get to talk as much. But we made a very damn good effort to talk whenever we got the chance and hang out. Her family was like family to me and I always felt at home at her house. We were both on the bowling teams at our respective high schools and went to each others matches when our teams weren't playing. She was a great bowler and made the sectional team her senior year. She did tell me that she wished her dad could have seen her. Her dad died the summer before she started her senior year of high school from cancer. I was there for her after she came back from the hospital, and she turned and said to me, "All I wanted was for my dad to see me graduate from high school." I told her, "He will from above." I choose not to remember the rest of that horrible day. Things became hard for her family and Laura couldn't afford to go to community college and her sister worked to help pay bills, so my mother offered to pay for her books and supplies so that she could go to college. We can always pick back up from where we left off, but it is always hard to do. I haven't seen her since the Christmas before the last. We had gone out to dinner at Ruby Tuesday and it was just like old times except we were no longer 14-15 years old. Today she is a manager of an ice rink near my house and is still working on school. I have not talked to her since last summer, mainly because of our work schedules and school. I wonder how she is doing...I sent her an email, I just can't pick up the phone and call her like I used to because things have changed. I miss her the most of all the people I have lost touch with or stopped talking to. I am so proud of her for making it after her father passed away and she is one of the strongest people I know. I hope that she knows I have not forgotten about her and I miss her very much.
I have always thought that it can be very hard to move on in life. I used to once cry about how I never wanted to grow up when I was 16. I was afraid it was going to come too soon. I think now I am ready to move on with my life. I am ready to start working and move out of my house once I pay off loans from school. I don't ever regret the past and I look forward to what lies ahead. I hope I have good things in store for me and that I can make my dreams come true. I can't sit and dwell on the past, but look forward for what is to come. I have accomplished many things in my life thus far and will be the first person in my family to have a bachelor's degree. College so far has been the best three years of my young adulthood life. I will have to begin a new chapter in my life next year when I graduate just like I had done when I first came to college. I cried when I got there, and I will cry when I have to leave. Treasure every moment, live everyday. Smile like you mean it and always try your best. People come and people go, but the ones you never forget will stay in your heart forever.
**I do love keeping in touch with anyone who would like to. Please email me at ahdeles@ilstu.edu to keep in touch through email. I can't promise I will get to you right away, but will get to you.
AIM-oooooh nurse (o's)
I encourage thoughts, feelings, and comments. This is open to anyone who reads it. Thank you for reading my livejournal. &hearts Allison