(no subject)
I forgot what being home was like. Its part love, part hate. I love physically being in my house, with my fat ass cat & dog. I hate the drama of my friends. When you grow up, you always think how you & your best friend will be friends forever, you'll do everything together. go to school together, go on double dates together, go shopping, drive around, live together, grow old together. everything. everything together. I'm starting to feel like "best friends" is only a title that gets slapped on to a pair of people who have known each other for way too long & know too much about each other to ever let go. And the friends I make in college, you can't call them the "best" because best is defined as better then everything else. & if you haven't known them as long how can you be sure they are better then the old 'best friend'? you can't. and currently, the majority of these people i consider "friends" and i'd go as far to even say sisters aren't that at all. life is changing so fast.
I have a boyfriend. I'm going to be a godmother. I still feel unappreciated & unwanted. And yet- I just can't seem to get out of bed some mornings because i don't want the world to keep spinning while i'm only holding on with one hand. I know what happens when I hang on with both- and i don't want it. I don't want life to go on without me anymore, but I really do wish it would slow down a bit. Long enough for me to figure out what i'm doing & what i want.
just a little.
I have a boyfriend. I'm going to be a godmother. I still feel unappreciated & unwanted. And yet- I just can't seem to get out of bed some mornings because i don't want the world to keep spinning while i'm only holding on with one hand. I know what happens when I hang on with both- and i don't want it. I don't want life to go on without me anymore, but I really do wish it would slow down a bit. Long enough for me to figure out what i'm doing & what i want.
just a little.