(no subject)
the internet is working right now and i have nothing else to do so i'm typing this on word and i'll copy and paste later. i only mentioned that side note because i wanted everyone to know that contrary to the evidence presented, i hated doogie howser when i was little. that and if there was ever a blog site at "www.doogiehoswer.com" i would ditch livejournal in a heartbeat. but don't pay any attention to my taste in television shows. i'm watching nash bridges right now.
i've been thinking about what danny asked me earlier this week and it's nearly impossible to answer.
"what point in your life do you miss the most?"
1. i miss that period of time when holding hands was a big step in a relationship and girls didn't worry about what they ate because weight wasn't an issue. the same time that everyone had braces and had more notes in their pockets than dollar bills. when no one had cell phones and midnight was considered late.
2. i miss when family dinners were with my mom, my dad, my brother, and me. i miss my parents being proud of me for finishing a whole glass of milk and my dad rewarding me by letting me dunk my finger in the sprinkles. i miss after dinner walks with my dad and 8 o'clock bedtimes. i miss my brother scaring me nightly by hiding in the dark and then crawling in bed and talking to me so i wouldn't tell on him. i miss being scared of being upstairs alone.
3. i miss deere hall. i miss the close quarters and the library nights. i miss cold january nights of no sleep and diet wild cherry pepsi...
fuck this. i don't want to list the things i miss in my life. it just seems like we miss what we hated.
and we become what we hate and hate what we once were.
hateration nation.
i'm so scared right now. i've been in a perpetual state of avoidance for the last 6 and a half months. i have hated so much of what has happened to me or what i've done or said or seen or been through that i can't handle it. i refuse to stop and look at it. sometimes i'll think of something i don't want to remember and i will actually clench my eyes real tight and push the thought out of my mind. i can't sleep in silence because my mind will wander too much.
it's starting to catch up with me and i don't want to do this all alone.
(sara, i said 'hate' six times for the record.)
i feel the need to apologize for the ramblings that have no depth or valid points. but i'm not going to.
the internet still isn't working and it's 3:51 am so i'm going to bed. i still don't know whose life i'm living but i really wish they'd take it back and return mine.
and to think i can still say these are the best days.
though i do miss those days in july.
i've been thinking about what danny asked me earlier this week and it's nearly impossible to answer.
"what point in your life do you miss the most?"
1. i miss that period of time when holding hands was a big step in a relationship and girls didn't worry about what they ate because weight wasn't an issue. the same time that everyone had braces and had more notes in their pockets than dollar bills. when no one had cell phones and midnight was considered late.
2. i miss when family dinners were with my mom, my dad, my brother, and me. i miss my parents being proud of me for finishing a whole glass of milk and my dad rewarding me by letting me dunk my finger in the sprinkles. i miss after dinner walks with my dad and 8 o'clock bedtimes. i miss my brother scaring me nightly by hiding in the dark and then crawling in bed and talking to me so i wouldn't tell on him. i miss being scared of being upstairs alone.
3. i miss deere hall. i miss the close quarters and the library nights. i miss cold january nights of no sleep and diet wild cherry pepsi...
fuck this. i don't want to list the things i miss in my life. it just seems like we miss what we hated.
and we become what we hate and hate what we once were.
hateration nation.
i'm so scared right now. i've been in a perpetual state of avoidance for the last 6 and a half months. i have hated so much of what has happened to me or what i've done or said or seen or been through that i can't handle it. i refuse to stop and look at it. sometimes i'll think of something i don't want to remember and i will actually clench my eyes real tight and push the thought out of my mind. i can't sleep in silence because my mind will wander too much.
it's starting to catch up with me and i don't want to do this all alone.
(sara, i said 'hate' six times for the record.)
i feel the need to apologize for the ramblings that have no depth or valid points. but i'm not going to.
the internet still isn't working and it's 3:51 am so i'm going to bed. i still don't know whose life i'm living but i really wish they'd take it back and return mine.
and to think i can still say these are the best days.
though i do miss those days in july.