(no subject)
shit i dont even know where to start.... im freaking out really fucking bad. i cant take this anymore... everyones shit here... my family is being unbielivably unsupportive. just everything.. i cant sleep... i feel like im gonna wake up to that same phone call early in the morning.. and when im actually able to dream i dream about car wrecks or deaths.. i havnt talked to him in my dreams lately maybe thats why im freaking out bad today. i dont know anything anymore.. my worlds so fucked up i cant even describe it in words. i need ashley so bad right now.. or i need to talk to chris.... this is hurting so bad. i cant talk or think or do anything without crying when nobodys around.... man this hurts so bad. i wish i could vent but i dont know how to.... why am i still so messed up... why is this still just as hard.. nothing is getting better with time.. shouldnt it ny now.. shouldnt i be able to be happy by now?? i could do anything and it wouldnt help.. crying doesnt help its just draining me. and making my eyes hard to open...i try to sleep but i cant.... i cant do this anymore... i need ashley really bad. ashley you've talked me thourgh a lot. and ill always love you for it...i need to talk to someone right now but i have no one to talk to... dammit i dont know what to do.. what the hell am i supposed to do... i keep telling myself that even though everything in my life is being stripped away right now ... i need to realize that i should put my trust in god.... but i have one thing running through my mind... always....i fucking miss you steve... i miss you so much... life isnt real without you in it..if i could ask god for one person right now id ask for you... i know you're with me all the time steve..i can feel you.. i just want to hear your voice.. i wanna see your smile.. i wanna kiss you.. i wanna go to white water and six flags and the movies and warped tour with you.. i wanna eat breakfast luch and dinner with you.. i wanna fall asleep next to you and see your beautiful face first thing when i wake up..WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO NOW!!?? how come so many people are coping with it yet i can't.. i dont understand.. ehhh bubba.. where the fuck are you man.. i need you right now. where the hell are you...