(no subject)
now that I have gotten all of that negativity out of the way!
I am really excited for my trip home. I love not knowing how long I will be home, and only a basic idea of what will happen while I am there. I have some missions I need to accomplish. some important, some trivial. I kind of love my life right now. Earlier that headache was really bringing me down, but I just need to remember that things aren't going to be awesome every second. Can I try harder to channel the moments of my life and the parts of my day that are positive? like laughter and sleep and being with friends. I need to do that in order to learn to be okay with this living alone thing. It will be a huge learning experience. hopefully for the better.
I keep going through these monologues in my head, all these conversations I wish I could be having with people. Wishing I knew what people felt about me, and trying to pretend that I wouldn't care if it was bad. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking like that... Assuming that if I knew what other people felt about me, I wouldn't like it. but to be fair, nobody is really showing too much love right now. Neither have I. I need to cut out this love/hate relationship with my life. It feels good to recognize that the root of my unhappiness is my dichotomous thinking, but what can you really do.
time for sleep! I pulled an all nighter last night, but with my current flow of energy I feel like I could do it again. I almost wish I could leave for NJ right now.
I am really excited for my trip home. I love not knowing how long I will be home, and only a basic idea of what will happen while I am there. I have some missions I need to accomplish. some important, some trivial. I kind of love my life right now. Earlier that headache was really bringing me down, but I just need to remember that things aren't going to be awesome every second. Can I try harder to channel the moments of my life and the parts of my day that are positive? like laughter and sleep and being with friends. I need to do that in order to learn to be okay with this living alone thing. It will be a huge learning experience. hopefully for the better.
I keep going through these monologues in my head, all these conversations I wish I could be having with people. Wishing I knew what people felt about me, and trying to pretend that I wouldn't care if it was bad. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking like that... Assuming that if I knew what other people felt about me, I wouldn't like it. but to be fair, nobody is really showing too much love right now. Neither have I. I need to cut out this love/hate relationship with my life. It feels good to recognize that the root of my unhappiness is my dichotomous thinking, but what can you really do.
time for sleep! I pulled an all nighter last night, but with my current flow of energy I feel like I could do it again. I almost wish I could leave for NJ right now.