(no subject)
I literally CANNOT handle this, not at all.
I do not know what to do about Amanda. It would be easier for me if I could just stop caring, ignore it, and not worry. But that would be the hardest thing for me to do. I worry about her every night because I don't know where she's staying. I don't know if she's safe. I don't know if she's sleeping in her car on the side of the road or laying dead in a gutter. I lose sleep. I can't go to sleep, and when I do I wake up so early it's ridiculous. I gave her all my money I had in the world. 100$ so she could buy clothes, or food, or whatever she needed. My parents gave her 20$ to try to help (I didn't tell anyone that I gave her any money, because I figured that they may not agree). What, you ask, did she do with this money? Well, she got her nails done. I'm not sure what she did with the rest of it, but what the fuck? If anyone else was living in her condition - homeless, unemployed, living with a boyfriend who I am fairly certain beats her, would you really spend any money at all on such stupid, frivolous things? I can't believe that I keep going out of my way to do absolutely anything I can for her. Her parents, after all she did for them, let her back into the house. Because she didn't want to go to school because of questions people were asking her, they told her she had to get a full-time job and go to counseling. She wasn't being charged rent, she wasn't told she couldn't see Bruce - but she left. Because she didn't want to go to counseling, she left her house and went back onto the streets. I cannot believe how stupid she is being, and what bothers me the most is that I am so preoccupied with worry about her that I can barely do anything else. And I am sick and tired of her fucking up. I will not fucking stand for it anymore. If I have to go there and drug her up so badly that she has no idea what is going on, I will do it. I will do whatever it takes to get her away from him. I wish that I could kill him, but I don't want to throw my life away because of him. What's really sick about that, is that I mean it. I want him dead. I will not be okay with him until I see his cold dead body being thrown into a six foot hole.
Perhaps on a happier note...
enemyoflove, Amy _certaintragedy , Victor, Dan and I went to Friendly's last night after Amy's basketball game. Dan drank alone in Victor's van, and that is all I have to say about that. Sam and I drove around the parking lot with the windows open yelling the lyrics to "Bright Eyes" at the top of our lungs. Probably one of my favorite times of the night. Friendly's was fun though, until Ben showed up and started being a complete and total douche. I can't stand him sometimes. Only sometimes, though.
The guy friends that I have seem to be so.. stupid, I think, is the word for it. I find myself getting more and more irritated with every single male friend I have. It's just that sometimes, guys are real idiots. Don't get me wrong, girls can be too. But lately.. Jesus.
What is really bothering me is about Amy's birthday party. I want to have something really good for her, because there's no reason she shouldn't have as much fun as she wants. But some people are making that very difficult. My parents aren't leaving until Saturday, so that changes everything. Understandable if you have a real reason to not come. Some people, however, do not. Folks, someone's birthday only comes around ONCE A YEAR. Please take that into consideration. You can't celebrate Amy's birthday with her in a few weeks. Don't pass up something that is special to her because you want to do something that you could literally do anytime. I know that she has gone out of her way for some of you, and it's very annoying to me that you can't delay certain events. That is very, very selfish of you. I'm annoyed by it. Stop fucking around.
I bought the new Matchbook Romance CD, finally. It's just a shame that I no longer have a CD player in my car, where I spend most of my time.
However, I have forced some people to make me mixtapes. Mostly, I just bought 3 blank tapes and handed one to Sam, one to Amy, and Victor saw me and heard me say mixtapes so I tossed one his way as well. Because hey, why the fuck not?
I went to the mall twice yesterday. Two different malls with two different people. I got a wicked hot scarf and a hat I fell in love with at the GAP. Oh man, I fell into the GAP. Haha, I wish someone would shoot me.
I'm done wasting all your time now. If you actually read all this.. wow, I love you.