(no subject)
so i broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago. it really isn't all that bad. yeah, of course i cried for like the first two days, but i haven't since. this weekend has been really good. he didn't go to school on friday, so i didn't see him or speak to him that entire day. it's hard to explain though, like we've always been close. so we still are now, we act almost the same way that we usually did when we were going out in school. i don't talk to him at night, or as much anymore, but it's fine with me. i feel like by not being with him i have this huge burden taken off my shoulders. i feel like i can be myself, & for once i just don't have to worry about what he's doing & why he isn't calling me. now, i can focus more on losing weight, & he's not around causing me stress or anything. it's just weird though, because i normally would've thought he wouldn't of gave a shit about anything anymore. no one does in my life. but he sent me a bunch of texts saying "btw if you go out friday night get drunk and hook up with some guy, things aren't going to be okay like they are now. i mean no offense you're single and w/e, but i'd get pissed cuz you act like you still care. iono just a thought." i told him that i wasn't planning on doing that & i know he's gonna go out & party & forget completely about me, & he goes "not really, i'm waiting for you to take advantage of the situation. i'm taking this time to chill and work out my life, you're gonna use it to fuck around." so "this time", what is that supposed to mean? i guess it as we're taking some sort of break, which suprised me, because i thought he wanted it to be over all together. okay, yeah, i'm sorry for talking so much, but this is just a huge situation in my life that i've been thinking about so much lately. my weekend has been amazing though, i smoked last night & i think it was laced with something, because i sware to god that the feeling i got, i've never gotten from pot before. i duno, maybe i'm wrong, but it was just very very strange. anyway though, my fast has still been good. all i've been eating lately has been pretty much watermelon & coffee. the rest of it, i've thrown all up. so yeah =]. tonight i'm going out to party with a bunch of people i haven't seen in a while, so i'm looking foward to it. i've been getting very bad with the whole smoking cigarettes thing. it's funny, actually. but when i'm stressed, i smoke them. i'm always fucking stressed. so i always need one. ahh! i'm insane, i know. but anyways, yeah this entry is way way too long for my liking. so i'm gonna end it here. hope all is well with everyone. ♥