who says I can't be free, from all of the things I used to be? Re-write my history, who says I can't
be free...
i'm such a reck honestly
i just spend about twenty minutes looking over my olds posts
It's just the smae old bullshit of me hating myself, wanting to improve, having a shit ton of stuff to do, me procrastinating, me telling myself I cant' do that anymore, a couple of weeks of me doing well, then back to procrastination and hate.
one of my posts plus replies actually made me shed tears, because in it I was just fed up with people and how they would unknowningly feed my low self esteem
and I just can't see it changing, it's always the fucking same for me. I don't know how to get out of the rut i'm always stuck in, and someone else can't help me out of it, I have to do it for myself I wont have it any other way.
but I just keep going back to my same old ways
sitting on the computer being lazy, obessing over things that don't matter, beating myself up(not literally haha!), being tired all the time( and being tired really effetcs my motivation actually, on days I am awake i get so much done but tired days i sit around and sleep and worry). wasting time, i'm always wasting so much time, and i have so many posts saying how much time i'm wasting and i keep wasting it and i'm going to regret it, but i'm like addicted to doing nothing with my life or something
routine, i can't get out of this routine
and i need to
and i don't know what it will take to actually make me change
it's like people who smoke, and keep trying to quit but they don't actually quit until they get lung cancer
and that will be me, something big and bad will happen.. then will i change?
i don't know
i've had things happen to me, that you would think make me change my habits
but here i am
again
how do i end up in this place again?
over and over
and fuck, i kind of hate complaining cause it's really all up to me and i know that, and i know there is no one who would feel sympathy for me (does that matter?) because this is my decision, this is what i am doing to myself
i have the power to change it
i really do
but i can't muster it up for some reason
i'm such a reck honestly
i just spend about twenty minutes looking over my olds posts
It's just the smae old bullshit of me hating myself, wanting to improve, having a shit ton of stuff to do, me procrastinating, me telling myself I cant' do that anymore, a couple of weeks of me doing well, then back to procrastination and hate.
one of my posts plus replies actually made me shed tears, because in it I was just fed up with people and how they would unknowningly feed my low self esteem
and I just can't see it changing, it's always the fucking same for me. I don't know how to get out of the rut i'm always stuck in, and someone else can't help me out of it, I have to do it for myself I wont have it any other way.
but I just keep going back to my same old ways
sitting on the computer being lazy, obessing over things that don't matter, beating myself up(not literally haha!), being tired all the time( and being tired really effetcs my motivation actually, on days I am awake i get so much done but tired days i sit around and sleep and worry). wasting time, i'm always wasting so much time, and i have so many posts saying how much time i'm wasting and i keep wasting it and i'm going to regret it, but i'm like addicted to doing nothing with my life or something
routine, i can't get out of this routine
and i need to
and i don't know what it will take to actually make me change
it's like people who smoke, and keep trying to quit but they don't actually quit until they get lung cancer
and that will be me, something big and bad will happen.. then will i change?
i don't know
i've had things happen to me, that you would think make me change my habits
but here i am
again
how do i end up in this place again?
over and over
and fuck, i kind of hate complaining cause it's really all up to me and i know that, and i know there is no one who would feel sympathy for me (does that matter?) because this is my decision, this is what i am doing to myself
i have the power to change it
i really do
but i can't muster it up for some reason