the secret life of bees
did you know 1.0
1. i'm a really doubtful and skeptical person. I consider all plausable reasons for how things turn out/what people do/how i feel for every situation. This has some positives and negatives to it, the positives mostly being me not jumping into things/holding onto things so tightly...negatives being me not jumping into things and being left with nothing?........you know sometimes i'm so doubtful i even doubt peoples friendships, but not on my end, on THEIR end, cause if someone doesn't tell me exactly what they think about me/how they feel about me, i honestly don't know/can't tell... with some people i'll wonder if they're only my friends cause i am like a crutch for them, or maybe i just make them feel better about themselves by being around them....this also kind of worries me a little because they might not even know because they might just be in denial...and really i think far too much into these things and should just accept that i have people who i can hang out with and have a good time with
2. my family is seriously so fucked up. what the -bleeeeeeeeeep- bleeping bleeepers bleeped bleep blleeeeeep. It's so fucking annoying how they can't get along and it makes me sad. What is wrong with all of you that you can't serisouly take into consideration the other persons point of view for once? At least I know and understand and sometimes try to fix (which i mean, sometimes isn'teven great but..) what things I do wrong, I know that when my mom bitches sometimes and it's extremely annoying sometimes it's still partly my fault, and i can admit to that and try and fix it. But seriously sometimes what the fuck? Like mom and Clay.. wow.. I don't even know where to go with this...half the feelings they have for eachother is hate and annoyance..here is a small example..
Clay uses the cutting board, cuts onions on it and leaves it out. My mom is all "clay when you're done with the cutting board can you clean up afterwards"..to which both Clay and I respond "He's/I'm going to use it later"
To which my mom responds...that she wants him to wipe off the cutting board otherwise the onion scent/taste will stay in the cutting board. Clay flips out on this cause he thinks it's ridiculous saying that cutting boards are meant to cut food on. And my mom snaps back how raw onion upsets her stomach blabhalb. to which clay responds something sarcastic to which my mom says don't be sarcastic with me.
Okay, yeah, Clay, you think mom is being really anal. Great, maybe she is being a bit anal, but honestly if it bothers her that much you couldn't just be like okay, I will wipe it off from now on, and actually wipe it off from then on. And mom, really you have to use that tone of voice?
Or how clay said that today mom said to caly 'can you finish up YOUR jar of peanut butter cause I don't want so many containers inthe cuboard" . OKAY MOM,. how bout you just finish it up..but i guess I can see why she might have said that as sometimes Clay will be like "don't use my balsamic vinegar" ...maybe she just could have said, do you care who eats this peanut butter? i kind of want it finished.
and today cole said how he can't wait till clay moves out, but prior to that we were talking about how clay plays so much electric guitar/trumpet and when you ask him to stop/turn it down he just stares at you.
so i don't knwo if cole means just for that reason, or if he also realizes/is annoyed by calys' free loader/selfish tendancies.
don't get me started on my mom and dad
and it really makes me sad, families are suppose to love each other, not be annoyed to hell by one another(even though sometimes a lot of the time I am comepletely annoyed by my family members (hypocrite!??). Sometimes I honestly think I am the only sane one here
but seriously clay and my mom make me so fucking angry
how bout you two go to fucking therapy and learn how to be around each other
i may just freak out on them one day
ALSO with the whole my mom and dad fighting over the house thing.. and one day i was searching for something of mine on the computer and then clay was behind me and I guess my mom had been searching up the price of some od my dads music stuff (probably for decudtion for the house or something something) and clay is like "why is mom looking up the prices for dad's ____? I don't trust her at all"
I don't know why but that just made me feel really sad, that's great. that's a great relationship to have good times.