Like I Need College to Start Now
So.
I'm having migraines.
I'm having panic attacks.
Apparently I'm under stress. Har har har.
I wake up at 3 am the morning from a sound sleep, heart racing. I have to get out. The walls are closing in. I can't breathe. It takes so much more energy to operate my chest and limbs than normal. I am probably dying. I pace the room. I sit on the side of the bed. Eventually I lay down, but I need to walk again, NOW. Two and a half hours hours later, by concentrating all of the energy on the state of my toes and forcing my hands to stop checking my pulse to make sure my heart hasn't stopped and I didn't notice it, I am able to go to sleep. Three hours after that, the alarm goes off, time for showering so we can do work.
The left side of my face goes numb. Sometimes my arm. Sometimes fingers. Sometimes my leg gets heavier. Sometimes I just loose surface sensation. Other times I get dizzy. Maybe my vision feels slightly off. Did I drink soda again? The Wendy's only had one thing without caffein in it, and I didn't feel like Sprite or whatever it was. Shit. I'm not supposed to have caffein. Soda, chocolate, any kind of beans, they've all been denied me. ..I liked soda. Sometimes the headache comes. Sometimes it doesn't. Wondering if it will is enough to drive you insane. Lying in my room with the lights off, the fish bubbler unplugged because it was too freaking loud, I feel sorry for myself. They shoot horses..
And it's only been a month of this.
I've been depressed since I left Japan. I liked Japan. Now I don't have it.
My fiance has been unemployed since mid March (though on Friday we find out if he has a job - good chances. Fingers crossed.)
We have no money. I had to spend 300 borrowed parental dollars on books.
College is starting soon. I have 18 credit hours.
I am somehow in charge of running the History Club.
My favorite means of relaxation, (my online RPG) has turned into a stress cesspool, thank you implementor's wife and creating an alt in your own temple. *Buddy Christs*
I am going to get married.
I am going to have to graduate and get a real job.
I may have to move to accomodate said job.
.... little stress, I guess.
I want Dennis to get this job.
I want my boys to come back so we can play D&D. So I can do some RP in person, have some laughs, eat some pizza in good company. Giggle about giant roaches...
I want college to start so I can get it over with.
I want college to start because there is a free concellor and I think I need to see her/him.
I want to stop dreaming about zombies devouring me, my friends, my family, etc.
And the tornado dreams, they need to stop too.
At least the cat helps. And the fiance does too, to give him credit. There just isn't much you can say to me at this point in time. They both let me pet them though.
I'm having migraines.
I'm having panic attacks.
Apparently I'm under stress. Har har har.
I wake up at 3 am the morning from a sound sleep, heart racing. I have to get out. The walls are closing in. I can't breathe. It takes so much more energy to operate my chest and limbs than normal. I am probably dying. I pace the room. I sit on the side of the bed. Eventually I lay down, but I need to walk again, NOW. Two and a half hours hours later, by concentrating all of the energy on the state of my toes and forcing my hands to stop checking my pulse to make sure my heart hasn't stopped and I didn't notice it, I am able to go to sleep. Three hours after that, the alarm goes off, time for showering so we can do work.
The left side of my face goes numb. Sometimes my arm. Sometimes fingers. Sometimes my leg gets heavier. Sometimes I just loose surface sensation. Other times I get dizzy. Maybe my vision feels slightly off. Did I drink soda again? The Wendy's only had one thing without caffein in it, and I didn't feel like Sprite or whatever it was. Shit. I'm not supposed to have caffein. Soda, chocolate, any kind of beans, they've all been denied me. ..I liked soda. Sometimes the headache comes. Sometimes it doesn't. Wondering if it will is enough to drive you insane. Lying in my room with the lights off, the fish bubbler unplugged because it was too freaking loud, I feel sorry for myself. They shoot horses..
And it's only been a month of this.
I've been depressed since I left Japan. I liked Japan. Now I don't have it.
My fiance has been unemployed since mid March (though on Friday we find out if he has a job - good chances. Fingers crossed.)
We have no money. I had to spend 300 borrowed parental dollars on books.
College is starting soon. I have 18 credit hours.
I am somehow in charge of running the History Club.
My favorite means of relaxation, (my online RPG) has turned into a stress cesspool, thank you implementor's wife and creating an alt in your own temple. *Buddy Christs*
I am going to get married.
I am going to have to graduate and get a real job.
I may have to move to accomodate said job.
.... little stress, I guess.
I want Dennis to get this job.
I want my boys to come back so we can play D&D. So I can do some RP in person, have some laughs, eat some pizza in good company. Giggle about giant roaches...
I want college to start so I can get it over with.
I want college to start because there is a free concellor and I think I need to see her/him.
I want to stop dreaming about zombies devouring me, my friends, my family, etc.
And the tornado dreams, they need to stop too.
At least the cat helps. And the fiance does too, to give him credit. There just isn't much you can say to me at this point in time. They both let me pet them though.