My therapist told me to start journaling.
I find this rather humorous, because I used to do it all the time. From the time I'd first gotten an LiveJournal when I was, like, 15, up until a couple of years ago, I pretty much kept a daily online record of my thoughts, feelings, and everyday goings on. I went back and read a lot of this a little bit ago and have officially kicked myself for stopping. Maybe the reason why I was getting better with my moods and my feelings about myself was because I had an outlet for it? Granted, it was in the form of a desktop computer and a LiveJournal client, but still - it gave me the chance to get it out of my system in a healthy manner rather than bottling things up.
Uhm. So.
Should I talk about my day? What happened? How I felt? I feel weird doing this here and not to my therapist.
Well. I guess the only thing I can think of is what a customer did for me today. She was wearing a Buc-ee's hoodie and I told her how much I love the Buc-ee's products and how I'd seen a girl in the mall wearing one of the Buc-ee's reindeer shirts. I told her the story about how my dad loved the idea of putting reindeer noses on all the deer crossing signs he saw whenever we went on roadtrips and how we'd look for them whenever we were driving. It had such an influence on me that, even to this day, I still look for red noses on the deer crossing signs as some sort of cosmic sign that my dad's doing OK. Yes, I know, he's been dead for nearly 10 years. Yes, I know, I'm never going to receive some sort of sign from the universe or whoever's up there that he's OK because that's just not how things work.
Anyways.
She lifted her hoodie to reveal that she was wearing the reindeer shirt. I told her I loved it and went along my merry little way.
About 20 minutes later, I was standing in front of the seating chart board in front of the 200's when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the girl in the Buc-ee's hoodie, holding her shirt in her hand. She told me how the story about my dad had really touched her and she wanted me to have her shirt. I'd have to wash it, she said, since she'd just been wearing it, but it was 100% mine.
It's really the little things that get me these days. Whether it's something as kind as what that Buc-ee's girl did, or something like a customer leaving a $20 tip when you think they're going to stiff you, I find myself far more affected and appreciative of the little things that have been happening lately. As a result, I'm trying very hard to do little things for people, like do stuff for David to make his life easier, or run someone's food whenever they're in the weeds. The whole "do unto others" philosophy, y'know?
I think, as a result of me trying to do the small things that sometimes go unnoticed, I've been hoping that people will... do the same for me? Maybe as some gesture of appreciation? It's not like I"m pulling a Dwight Schrute and purposefully doing things so someone can "owe" me. I just want people to be able to stop focusing on themselves for at least a short period of time and see what they can do for others.
It's getting late, I'm very tired, and I have no idea what else to say. I guess I should just do this everyday... right? Maybe it'll help get me back on track.
Uhm. So.
Should I talk about my day? What happened? How I felt? I feel weird doing this here and not to my therapist.
Well. I guess the only thing I can think of is what a customer did for me today. She was wearing a Buc-ee's hoodie and I told her how much I love the Buc-ee's products and how I'd seen a girl in the mall wearing one of the Buc-ee's reindeer shirts. I told her the story about how my dad loved the idea of putting reindeer noses on all the deer crossing signs he saw whenever we went on roadtrips and how we'd look for them whenever we were driving. It had such an influence on me that, even to this day, I still look for red noses on the deer crossing signs as some sort of cosmic sign that my dad's doing OK. Yes, I know, he's been dead for nearly 10 years. Yes, I know, I'm never going to receive some sort of sign from the universe or whoever's up there that he's OK because that's just not how things work.
Anyways.
She lifted her hoodie to reveal that she was wearing the reindeer shirt. I told her I loved it and went along my merry little way.
About 20 minutes later, I was standing in front of the seating chart board in front of the 200's when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the girl in the Buc-ee's hoodie, holding her shirt in her hand. She told me how the story about my dad had really touched her and she wanted me to have her shirt. I'd have to wash it, she said, since she'd just been wearing it, but it was 100% mine.
It's really the little things that get me these days. Whether it's something as kind as what that Buc-ee's girl did, or something like a customer leaving a $20 tip when you think they're going to stiff you, I find myself far more affected and appreciative of the little things that have been happening lately. As a result, I'm trying very hard to do little things for people, like do stuff for David to make his life easier, or run someone's food whenever they're in the weeds. The whole "do unto others" philosophy, y'know?
I think, as a result of me trying to do the small things that sometimes go unnoticed, I've been hoping that people will... do the same for me? Maybe as some gesture of appreciation? It's not like I"m pulling a Dwight Schrute and purposefully doing things so someone can "owe" me. I just want people to be able to stop focusing on themselves for at least a short period of time and see what they can do for others.
It's getting late, I'm very tired, and I have no idea what else to say. I guess I should just do this everyday... right? Maybe it'll help get me back on track.