(no subject)
Hello.
I joined here about...a minute ago.
Have a couple questions. And no one to ask them to.
So ... here i am.
I'm not one for dramatics or whining, so i will try to keep the story as concise as possible.
I am fifteen, i'm about to enter 10th grade at a Catholic school. I'm not Catholic.
Last year was my first year at a Catholic school.
In April, a good friend told me that she loved me. (I am a girl.)
Let's just say, i was a little shocked. At first i was thinking, Oh, she's telling me she's gay, that's okay i have no problems with that.
Then she finished what she was saying.
I avoided her for a while, but...finally i had to speak to her. I told her that she was one of my best friends, and that i wanted to keep it that way. That i just didn't feel that way about her or whatever.
Then, at the end of June, i realised that we just might be more than best friends. On the first of July i sent her a very long and confusing email on the subject. There's more to explain here, but the point is, we ended up...'together.'
See the problem was that it is summer vacation and we live a bit far away from each other. So we resorted to spending hours at a time on the phone, much to the dismay of my mother.
Last Sunday (it is Wednesday morning), she came over to my house to watch movies. We exchanged CDs we'd made for each other, and she also gave me a couple of DVDs that she'd burned.
One of them was Imagine Me and You.
I don't know if anyone has seen that movie. She told me it was sweet. Which it was. She did not tell me that it was sad. That is should have made me cry.
Well, i was crying. But not for the reason i should have been.
See. I admit, i'm a bit cynical. I don't believe in a god, i mostly just believe in science. The human race baffles me to no end. We are such an exception to everything.
Which is part of my problem.
I never believed in love. I thought that she had proved me wrong. I have now realised that...well, i think i was right the first time. She is an amazing person, and i cannot describe how much i care about her.
And yet somehow, i've always got thoughts nagging at the back of my head. Thoughts like Love is all about self-gratitude. That people only say i love you to hear it said back.
Thoughts like Love can't exist. Especially not love at first sight. It is completely ridicolous that you should see someone and immeaditaly know that you were meant to be together.
Among other thoughts. So many others. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but i guess the advice i'm looking for is if i should tell her what i'm thinking. I feel horrible, because i know that she will be so sad if i do say it. You should have seen the way she reacted when i told her i thought i loved her too.
But at the same time, none of it's real. And i feel hypocritical pretending to love her when i don't actually believe in love.
Hope this is the sort of thing you all give advice for. ANY thoughts on the matter will be appreciated. Thank you.
I joined here about...a minute ago.
Have a couple questions. And no one to ask them to.
So ... here i am.
I'm not one for dramatics or whining, so i will try to keep the story as concise as possible.
I am fifteen, i'm about to enter 10th grade at a Catholic school. I'm not Catholic.
Last year was my first year at a Catholic school.
In April, a good friend told me that she loved me. (I am a girl.)
Let's just say, i was a little shocked. At first i was thinking, Oh, she's telling me she's gay, that's okay i have no problems with that.
Then she finished what she was saying.
I avoided her for a while, but...finally i had to speak to her. I told her that she was one of my best friends, and that i wanted to keep it that way. That i just didn't feel that way about her or whatever.
Then, at the end of June, i realised that we just might be more than best friends. On the first of July i sent her a very long and confusing email on the subject. There's more to explain here, but the point is, we ended up...'together.'
See the problem was that it is summer vacation and we live a bit far away from each other. So we resorted to spending hours at a time on the phone, much to the dismay of my mother.
Last Sunday (it is Wednesday morning), she came over to my house to watch movies. We exchanged CDs we'd made for each other, and she also gave me a couple of DVDs that she'd burned.
One of them was Imagine Me and You.
I don't know if anyone has seen that movie. She told me it was sweet. Which it was. She did not tell me that it was sad. That is should have made me cry.
Well, i was crying. But not for the reason i should have been.
See. I admit, i'm a bit cynical. I don't believe in a god, i mostly just believe in science. The human race baffles me to no end. We are such an exception to everything.
Which is part of my problem.
I never believed in love. I thought that she had proved me wrong. I have now realised that...well, i think i was right the first time. She is an amazing person, and i cannot describe how much i care about her.
And yet somehow, i've always got thoughts nagging at the back of my head. Thoughts like Love is all about self-gratitude. That people only say i love you to hear it said back.
Thoughts like Love can't exist. Especially not love at first sight. It is completely ridicolous that you should see someone and immeaditaly know that you were meant to be together.
Among other thoughts. So many others. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but i guess the advice i'm looking for is if i should tell her what i'm thinking. I feel horrible, because i know that she will be so sad if i do say it. You should have seen the way she reacted when i told her i thought i loved her too.
But at the same time, none of it's real. And i feel hypocritical pretending to love her when i don't actually believe in love.
Hope this is the sort of thing you all give advice for. ANY thoughts on the matter will be appreciated. Thank you.