you think you're the only one who hurts; try looking just a little bit harder.
i know it's not always right to depend on people; but i don't know where i would be without si. he's not just my boyfriend, he is so ridiculously beyond that. he's the bestest friend i've ever had & i've never felt so close to anybody in my life. he just gets me & i've spent so long trying to find that connection with someone.
i don't have to explain anything & it's wonderful having that. everything just makes sense to us & we're so understanding of eachother. i always have someone to share my everything with & i am so damn blessed to have that.
but most of all; he is so god damn supportive. i've never known support like this, it's incredible. he will drop his absolute everything when i need him & he's always there. he's there when i'm having a breakdown, he's there when i need something & he always has my back. ALWAYS.
and i'm so glad it's forever. i know it's cocky, but he is my forever. if he wanted to leave, he would have left already. let me tell you, i have given him more than enough reasons to leave me over the past 14 months. trust me, i can be an absolutely psychotic bitch. but luckily for me, he only focuses on the reasons i've given him to stay.
i'm not saying we're perfect; because we're defenitely not. we fight a lot & we cry a helluva lot. but at the end of the day, we get over it. we sob and we vent, but minutes later - we're back in eachothers arms and we're happy. because we know this is real. that there is no issue or no reason, that could permanently tear us apart. and we love eachother, so god damn much.
but yeah; i'm grateful. i'm so damn grateful that i have him, because i don't know how i would gotten through the past 6 months or so without him.
he took me out to clayton last night & we had korean for dinner. then i decided i had a craving for bubble tea, which resulted in him driving all over springvale to find some. happy cup was closed; so he ended up going to a vietnamese restaurant & ordering the yummy azn drink i like. aisah; i think you're the only person that would know about this *laughs*
and it was exactly what i needed. i didn't stress all night & i just had a good time. relaxed; filled with multicultural yummies & just happy with my boy.
yeah; things have been hard, ridiculously hard. everyone is noticing the change in me & i don't blame them. he goes "pether's trying to help you out, because she doesn't want you being so stressed". I LUFF YOU MUMMA.
absolutely; i'm stressed. but i'm trying so damn hard to cover it up, because i don't want to involve other people. i am pushing everyone away & i just don't know any better. i hate having faults & i can't have people knowing this. i need to be strong & capable and i'm finding it hard with everything on my head.
my parents don't exactly assist the situation, by telling me about my siblings and their problems. that's half the reason i'm happy being in melbourne, because i'm not causing any concern to them. they unaware of a lot in my life & i'm happy keeping it that way. they have enough to worry about, without me. i'm giving them the ignorance is bliss mindset & it's of benefit to them.
i guess i'm feeling the added pressure of being the one that doesn't fuck up. let them have one kid that hasn't fucked up somehow. so i'm the one with a decent education. i'm the one with the stable relationship. i'm the one who supports herself financially. i'm the one who wants to make something of herself. and i'm the one who's going to get married and have kids "the right way".
so yes; things are defenitely up&down for me. i'm stressing about both of my jobs, but am settling down with the whole luna situation. i've been balancing my register regularly & i'll never use facebook at work again :P
the cafe is doing my head in, which has been my biggest struggle lately. i am just dealing with the most incompotent people and it's hard. they are such a failure as a business & i'm just over it.
don't get me started on my credit card. only $1200 to go ... i wish i was more responsible :/ I HAVEN'T EVEN BOUGHT ANYTHING, JUST BILLS & PLANE TICKETS :(
i need to stop procrastinating & focus on school. LAST SEMESTER; LAST SEMESTER; LAST SEMESTER.
and i need to start being more domestic & look after si. because he has his own things going on & i need to support him, just as much as he supports me. he deserves that more than anything & i have to be there for him. it's not all about me; even though i act that way.
*sigh*
anyhoo; i am off to the bookshop to purchase another flexibook & then off to the beautician to get my eyebrows done. couldn't be fucked going to st kilda, so fingers crossed this lady doesn't ruin my face. woe tash; the only the only person i can trust on my eyes :/
CIAOCIO.
i don't have to explain anything & it's wonderful having that. everything just makes sense to us & we're so understanding of eachother. i always have someone to share my everything with & i am so damn blessed to have that.
but most of all; he is so god damn supportive. i've never known support like this, it's incredible. he will drop his absolute everything when i need him & he's always there. he's there when i'm having a breakdown, he's there when i need something & he always has my back. ALWAYS.
and i'm so glad it's forever. i know it's cocky, but he is my forever. if he wanted to leave, he would have left already. let me tell you, i have given him more than enough reasons to leave me over the past 14 months. trust me, i can be an absolutely psychotic bitch. but luckily for me, he only focuses on the reasons i've given him to stay.
i'm not saying we're perfect; because we're defenitely not. we fight a lot & we cry a helluva lot. but at the end of the day, we get over it. we sob and we vent, but minutes later - we're back in eachothers arms and we're happy. because we know this is real. that there is no issue or no reason, that could permanently tear us apart. and we love eachother, so god damn much.
but yeah; i'm grateful. i'm so damn grateful that i have him, because i don't know how i would gotten through the past 6 months or so without him.
he took me out to clayton last night & we had korean for dinner. then i decided i had a craving for bubble tea, which resulted in him driving all over springvale to find some. happy cup was closed; so he ended up going to a vietnamese restaurant & ordering the yummy azn drink i like. aisah; i think you're the only person that would know about this *laughs*
and it was exactly what i needed. i didn't stress all night & i just had a good time. relaxed; filled with multicultural yummies & just happy with my boy.
yeah; things have been hard, ridiculously hard. everyone is noticing the change in me & i don't blame them. he goes "pether's trying to help you out, because she doesn't want you being so stressed". I LUFF YOU MUMMA.
absolutely; i'm stressed. but i'm trying so damn hard to cover it up, because i don't want to involve other people. i am pushing everyone away & i just don't know any better. i hate having faults & i can't have people knowing this. i need to be strong & capable and i'm finding it hard with everything on my head.
my parents don't exactly assist the situation, by telling me about my siblings and their problems. that's half the reason i'm happy being in melbourne, because i'm not causing any concern to them. they unaware of a lot in my life & i'm happy keeping it that way. they have enough to worry about, without me. i'm giving them the ignorance is bliss mindset & it's of benefit to them.
i guess i'm feeling the added pressure of being the one that doesn't fuck up. let them have one kid that hasn't fucked up somehow. so i'm the one with a decent education. i'm the one with the stable relationship. i'm the one who supports herself financially. i'm the one who wants to make something of herself. and i'm the one who's going to get married and have kids "the right way".
so yes; things are defenitely up&down for me. i'm stressing about both of my jobs, but am settling down with the whole luna situation. i've been balancing my register regularly & i'll never use facebook at work again :P
the cafe is doing my head in, which has been my biggest struggle lately. i am just dealing with the most incompotent people and it's hard. they are such a failure as a business & i'm just over it.
don't get me started on my credit card. only $1200 to go ... i wish i was more responsible :/ I HAVEN'T EVEN BOUGHT ANYTHING, JUST BILLS & PLANE TICKETS :(
i need to stop procrastinating & focus on school. LAST SEMESTER; LAST SEMESTER; LAST SEMESTER.
and i need to start being more domestic & look after si. because he has his own things going on & i need to support him, just as much as he supports me. he deserves that more than anything & i have to be there for him. it's not all about me; even though i act that way.
*sigh*
anyhoo; i am off to the bookshop to purchase another flexibook & then off to the beautician to get my eyebrows done. couldn't be fucked going to st kilda, so fingers crossed this lady doesn't ruin my face. woe tash; the only the only person i can trust on my eyes :/
CIAOCIO.