elena wrote this in our journal a long time ago. relevent right now.
"i understand that people grow and change. and i also understand that there is a definite tendency to grow with the things that are closest to you. its less work and its easier. instead of holding onto something that can't always be there right when you need it, you have something available the second you snap your fingers. and its all so logical. and logics of course means there's no one to blame. and you think you can have both. and perhaps there is a way to do so, for a while. but as time goes by you realize that its impossible. because tendencies just won't allow it.
unless of course, you feel that there is nothing close to you worth the time and effort. and it isnt that you dont want to have that one thing that you can have whenever you need it, its just that nothing really seems right. and whether its by your own subconciously driven behavior or logic, it begins to seem as though you don't have much of anything. because youve deemed the things closest to you inadequate, and the relationships you were holding onto, have worn thin. because of tendencies, of course. "
unless of course, you feel that there is nothing close to you worth the time and effort. and it isnt that you dont want to have that one thing that you can have whenever you need it, its just that nothing really seems right. and whether its by your own subconciously driven behavior or logic, it begins to seem as though you don't have much of anything. because youve deemed the things closest to you inadequate, and the relationships you were holding onto, have worn thin. because of tendencies, of course. "