open to the public.
Let me rip my thoughts out of my head; extract them and open them up to public eye (& execution) I usually try and not let the weather effect my ideas on my own mood too much but today it really fucking put me in this whole new mindset that I dont even care to be in. I am lethargic as hell. I think if I could look inside my own head it would be a snowy blur reminscent of T.V. static. I am sure tomorrow will be a whole new day. I'll open my eyes and be me again. Being me? Whatever that even means anymore. I am really sick of defining things, or people, or places, or feelings. I am sick of defining myself, or the life I am going to live. Or the career I am going to choose, or the people I am going to involve in my life. It seems futile to me to even do any of that shit. In reality, plans get fucked up and all these titles you are throwing all over the place are going to crumble into pieces. I'm not myself because my name is Angelica, or because maybe I've been alive for 20 years. I think the things that make me are little things, like where a certain freckle is placed, things that make me smile, the fact that from time to time I go to the movies by myself, turn my phone off and get the fuck away from all the chaos that the world usually provides my brain with. This whole thing is one big run on sentence of cliches that I can easily come up with, convey into words, and write down, and spew into public domain. I guess all my other thoughts usually get put into lock and key, shoved in the back of my closet untill I sit down and force myself to put the somewhere else so they stop swirling around in my head. Let's not forget the few people who get to listen to every excruciating thought that I convince myself of. This whole thing is really sounding more melancholy than I would even hope for it to. I guess that's just it, though. I guess things convey themselves that way when I am not even nessacarily looking at them that way. I should figure out a way to say these things in a more positive light. Or I just don't give a shit.
Who knows.