(no subject)
Okay, well.. Graduation is Sunday. After that I am on a three week vacation from KC to go down to Louisiana with the boo and roo. And then I come back a week before I go to Italy. Then I go to Italy and come back nine days later. Then I don't know what.
I have reached a rather scary part in my life right now. I am questioning myself, and my plans for the future and what I am going to do. I don't know if I want to go to college anymore. I have been considering cosmetology school so I could cut and dye hair. I mean, why not? I do it to my own hair, and it usually turns out pretty kick ass if I do say so myself. But am I going to be happy doing that? I think this, and then I think, well if I'm really not happy with doing that for the rest of my life I could always work on college after I am done with cosmetology school. All of this sounds reasonable in my head, but when I actually speak it I am no longer so sure of myself.
I've just reached a point where I have realized that I am not necissarily good at art, nor to I excel in it so why would I go into art if I can just be mediocre and nothing better then that? To be honest, I don't really have a drive for it anymore. My muse in my head has disappeared and I can't find it to save my life. I don't sketch, I don't doodle, hell, I don't even write anymore. I feel very lathargic at the moment and I hate it. HATE IT.
I just don't know anymore. I'm stuck on grounds that are disappearing. I know that if I don't make a decision soon I will be screwed over one way or another.
Jennie is taking me on Monday to fill out applications to Penn Valley, where I was planning on going. I don't know if I really want to go there. I am afraid of wasting my time there and wasting my parents money. I don't want to do that to them because then I'd feel like the biggest ass on Earth for wasting their money for nothing.
I really don't know.
I have reached a rather scary part in my life right now. I am questioning myself, and my plans for the future and what I am going to do. I don't know if I want to go to college anymore. I have been considering cosmetology school so I could cut and dye hair. I mean, why not? I do it to my own hair, and it usually turns out pretty kick ass if I do say so myself. But am I going to be happy doing that? I think this, and then I think, well if I'm really not happy with doing that for the rest of my life I could always work on college after I am done with cosmetology school. All of this sounds reasonable in my head, but when I actually speak it I am no longer so sure of myself.
I've just reached a point where I have realized that I am not necissarily good at art, nor to I excel in it so why would I go into art if I can just be mediocre and nothing better then that? To be honest, I don't really have a drive for it anymore. My muse in my head has disappeared and I can't find it to save my life. I don't sketch, I don't doodle, hell, I don't even write anymore. I feel very lathargic at the moment and I hate it. HATE IT.
I just don't know anymore. I'm stuck on grounds that are disappearing. I know that if I don't make a decision soon I will be screwed over one way or another.
Jennie is taking me on Monday to fill out applications to Penn Valley, where I was planning on going. I don't know if I really want to go there. I am afraid of wasting my time there and wasting my parents money. I don't want to do that to them because then I'd feel like the biggest ass on Earth for wasting their money for nothing.
I really don't know.