getting a grip
I'm trying really hard to shake it all off, ALL of it, but it's definitely not working. It's like the world around me is collapsing and I'm trying to brush off the heavy debris like gnats, but I'm taking the damage internally and it's accumulating rapidly. I feel my whole body sucked down the tunnel after my vision constantly and I'm finding it harder to completely grasp the reality of what's around me. I'm not really planning my actions so much as surrendering to the refuge of defeat. I've never felt really complete, but now it seems the inverse, like I'm a withering shell full of horribly melodramatic shit lighter than air waiting to crumble with the slightest rise in the breeze. I don't want to wallow in it though. I'm looking for an exit, and of course one not far from rationality and sensibility. I don't need to be happy; I'd settle for just okay.