(no subject)
reading my friends page i noticed everyone only rights about how their day went. or any event they were involved in that day. boring. i know everyone has lives, but i dont know why people dont write more about what their lives makes them feel. anyway.
shannon, this entries for you. something new right? yeah i know. where has my faith gone? i used to be so with God. About 6 months ago i admired everyone who had a faith and everyone who succeded because of it. I still do, and so much more now. but i realized that unlike them, i cant hold onto my faith. i dont go to church, i dont visit youth group, my parents arent religious, none of my friends are. but i am. or am i? i used to be, i used to be so moved by religion. now i feel there is this huge void. i feel like, i used to love God and God used to love me. the end. but i hope thats not the end? i lost touch with something that gave me inspiration and creativity and enlightend me and without that what am i left with? well? exactly, i cant answer that. it makes me litteraly want to cry, i remeber how it was only 6 months ago and how it slowly faded. here's the weird part, i know God loves me, as he does everyone. okay, and i feel like i could never not be grateful, not have love for Him. But i dont feel like he's present in my life anymore. but in my head i fight it, im in denial but im admiting it. i am a huge contradiction. what can i do to get back my faith that i once was over flowing with? ive never gone to a church of my own, ive never been in a youth group but ive visited both. i .. i..... dont have the will power to be a good christian. i think? i did. but maybe i didnt? but then i have to ask myself how can i not have the will power when i want something so badly. its like i had a fulfilling relationship and it just ended. like i let it slip away.
im finding im a failure at everything i want the most. i want to be a good student and i could easily be, but i fail at it. i want to be a good christian, but i find that im hardly one at all. i want to be a good person but God knows i could never be. I have no value, im worthless. Im bitter, im neglectful and more than that i cant hold onto anything that doesnt fall apart. atleast thats what ive proved to myself so far...
i want my faith back but somehow i feel like just wanting it will never be what it takes.
shannon, this entries for you. something new right? yeah i know. where has my faith gone? i used to be so with God. About 6 months ago i admired everyone who had a faith and everyone who succeded because of it. I still do, and so much more now. but i realized that unlike them, i cant hold onto my faith. i dont go to church, i dont visit youth group, my parents arent religious, none of my friends are. but i am. or am i? i used to be, i used to be so moved by religion. now i feel there is this huge void. i feel like, i used to love God and God used to love me. the end. but i hope thats not the end? i lost touch with something that gave me inspiration and creativity and enlightend me and without that what am i left with? well? exactly, i cant answer that. it makes me litteraly want to cry, i remeber how it was only 6 months ago and how it slowly faded. here's the weird part, i know God loves me, as he does everyone. okay, and i feel like i could never not be grateful, not have love for Him. But i dont feel like he's present in my life anymore. but in my head i fight it, im in denial but im admiting it. i am a huge contradiction. what can i do to get back my faith that i once was over flowing with? ive never gone to a church of my own, ive never been in a youth group but ive visited both. i .. i..... dont have the will power to be a good christian. i think? i did. but maybe i didnt? but then i have to ask myself how can i not have the will power when i want something so badly. its like i had a fulfilling relationship and it just ended. like i let it slip away.
im finding im a failure at everything i want the most. i want to be a good student and i could easily be, but i fail at it. i want to be a good christian, but i find that im hardly one at all. i want to be a good person but God knows i could never be. I have no value, im worthless. Im bitter, im neglectful and more than that i cant hold onto anything that doesnt fall apart. atleast thats what ive proved to myself so far...
i want my faith back but somehow i feel like just wanting it will never be what it takes.