(no subject)
im going to get drunk now. ive just decided.
yes, im a little tipsy already...but it seems like a good idea to drink more.
::takes shot of rum::
things are...not falling apart, just getting shaky.
i dont like it at all.
i feel much more confident than i did a couple days ago about my situation with shige. i believe he loves and cares for me, he just doesnt know how to show it. maybe thats a stupid lifetime bitch thing to say, but i think its true. or maybe i just HOPE it is..
i feel like he doesnt appreciate the things i do for him. yesterday he was feeling really depressed, so i came over to give him a massage to make him feel better. while i was trying to gently talk him out of his dark state of mind, he told me to "stop treating him like a little kid". i was blown away. all i was trying to do was help and he succeeded in making me feel bad about it.
he later apologized and i ended up still giving him a full-body massage. he thanked me and said he felt a thousand times better.
i'm really trying hard to not be hurt by the things he says to me, but he just doenst think before he opens his mouth. i dont think asking him to do that is asking too much, but i also feel like if i do ask that, he will think he "cant be himself around me".
immediately i thought just now: "well maybe you being yourself = being an asshole, so fuck off then.
but i cant hold that thought for more than a split second because I LOVE HIM.
ill forgive most anything because i love him!!!!!!!!!!!
CURSE OR BLESSING?!?!?!?!
i'll take any pain he causes...
i fear i understand now...what it means to be a lifetime bitch.
::flashback::
high school.
in the hallway with erica and kate by mr. vicari's room.
me: didnt he try to rape a girl or something??
erica: yeaaa, but heS different now you know?
kate:...........I CAN CHANGE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
erica: ::walks away::
me: hahahahahahaha
yes, im a little tipsy already...but it seems like a good idea to drink more.
::takes shot of rum::
things are...not falling apart, just getting shaky.
i dont like it at all.
i feel much more confident than i did a couple days ago about my situation with shige. i believe he loves and cares for me, he just doesnt know how to show it. maybe thats a stupid lifetime bitch thing to say, but i think its true. or maybe i just HOPE it is..
i feel like he doesnt appreciate the things i do for him. yesterday he was feeling really depressed, so i came over to give him a massage to make him feel better. while i was trying to gently talk him out of his dark state of mind, he told me to "stop treating him like a little kid". i was blown away. all i was trying to do was help and he succeeded in making me feel bad about it.
he later apologized and i ended up still giving him a full-body massage. he thanked me and said he felt a thousand times better.
i'm really trying hard to not be hurt by the things he says to me, but he just doenst think before he opens his mouth. i dont think asking him to do that is asking too much, but i also feel like if i do ask that, he will think he "cant be himself around me".
immediately i thought just now: "well maybe you being yourself = being an asshole, so fuck off then.
but i cant hold that thought for more than a split second because I LOVE HIM.
ill forgive most anything because i love him!!!!!!!!!!!
CURSE OR BLESSING?!?!?!?!
i'll take any pain he causes...
i fear i understand now...what it means to be a lifetime bitch.
::flashback::
high school.
in the hallway with erica and kate by mr. vicari's room.
me: didnt he try to rape a girl or something??
erica: yeaaa, but heS different now you know?
kate:...........I CAN CHANGE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
erica: ::walks away::
me: hahahahahahaha