Scream my name just one more time...
I realize that I talk too much. Far too much. What begins as a normal conversation ends up with me saying something dumb, and then spending the next ten minutes or so spouting off more half-witted explanations and confessions. I ultimately dig myself into a hole where the one I am speaking to thinks that I am a complete moron. Well, I AM a moron. But not a complete one. So they are half-right... I guess I'm just silly. I need to grow up.
I am a little concerend. I see the light at the end of this tunnel, I see the exit, I see the end of highschool. I also am starting to regret things. Little things. But regret just the same. I like to think that I have no regrets, but if what I am feeling describes my missing out of things that I can no longer change... I guess I have regrets. My head swims with "what if" and "I wish" and "if only".
What if I had tried harder in the classes that I really liked? I would have had an awesome mark in History, one of my favourite subjects. But I settled myself into the "I don't care" rut for too long, and now its all gone.
I wish... I REALLY wish I had gotten involved with Student Council. Thinking about it now, I really think I could have done well in it. My constant need to make people who aren't my parents happy would have caused me to be very active in Student Council. Why did I let the opportunity go by four years in a row? What scared me?
If only I hadn't lived my life day-to-day instead of working towards the end reward of doing well. I live too much in the Right-Now, and it causes me to completely overlook the things that I know I am working towards.
I am changing my lifestyle because my current goal is far too large to ignore. But it is too little too late when it comes to making the most of my highschool experience. Regret... I fought it off so much and now I fear it will stay with me for the rest of my life. Even if I graduate university and become a successful something... I will always wonder what my life would be like if I did the things that I didnt do in reality.
I guess today's gonna blow us away
Church was alright today, I got to have a nice 1/2-hr nap between the services on the easyboy chair in the nursery. Even though it was freezing cold up there, I had my coat and it was the most comfortable chair I have ever slept in. Work pissed me off so much, it wasn't even funny. If I didnt need the money so much I would have jumped at the opportunity when Kim asked if I wanted to go home. There were times where it was so slow we just stood around picking our asses. Then it got rediculously busy and we were so angry we just stood around picking our asses. Then, the fire alarm went off. So I had to go stand in the fucking freezing cold for about 20 minutes. I guess there was a real fire or something because as all the stupid people were shuffling out the door, firemen were making their way inside. Little peice of advice for all you consumer whores out there: If a fire alarm goes off in the place where you are spending your hard-earned dollars, DO NOT stand just outside the door. Because if the mall decides to explode, you are the first one to go. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. But nonetheless, use your head. There is a fire, get away.
I am grumpy and slightly depressed. fuck off.
~monica~
I am a little concerend. I see the light at the end of this tunnel, I see the exit, I see the end of highschool. I also am starting to regret things. Little things. But regret just the same. I like to think that I have no regrets, but if what I am feeling describes my missing out of things that I can no longer change... I guess I have regrets. My head swims with "what if" and "I wish" and "if only".
What if I had tried harder in the classes that I really liked? I would have had an awesome mark in History, one of my favourite subjects. But I settled myself into the "I don't care" rut for too long, and now its all gone.
I wish... I REALLY wish I had gotten involved with Student Council. Thinking about it now, I really think I could have done well in it. My constant need to make people who aren't my parents happy would have caused me to be very active in Student Council. Why did I let the opportunity go by four years in a row? What scared me?
If only I hadn't lived my life day-to-day instead of working towards the end reward of doing well. I live too much in the Right-Now, and it causes me to completely overlook the things that I know I am working towards.
I am changing my lifestyle because my current goal is far too large to ignore. But it is too little too late when it comes to making the most of my highschool experience. Regret... I fought it off so much and now I fear it will stay with me for the rest of my life. Even if I graduate university and become a successful something... I will always wonder what my life would be like if I did the things that I didnt do in reality.
I guess today's gonna blow us away
Church was alright today, I got to have a nice 1/2-hr nap between the services on the easyboy chair in the nursery. Even though it was freezing cold up there, I had my coat and it was the most comfortable chair I have ever slept in. Work pissed me off so much, it wasn't even funny. If I didnt need the money so much I would have jumped at the opportunity when Kim asked if I wanted to go home. There were times where it was so slow we just stood around picking our asses. Then it got rediculously busy and we were so angry we just stood around picking our asses. Then, the fire alarm went off. So I had to go stand in the fucking freezing cold for about 20 minutes. I guess there was a real fire or something because as all the stupid people were shuffling out the door, firemen were making their way inside. Little peice of advice for all you consumer whores out there: If a fire alarm goes off in the place where you are spending your hard-earned dollars, DO NOT stand just outside the door. Because if the mall decides to explode, you are the first one to go. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. But nonetheless, use your head. There is a fire, get away.
I am grumpy and slightly depressed. fuck off.
~monica~