(no subject)
Rejoice! Great people of LiveJournal and the alike, As I gulp down this snail and sip this fine french champayne I find myself turning into a pretentious conceited self-indulgent self-religious french woman. It was in the fortune that madam esmerelda AKA the homeless lady who digs through my trash every wednesday morning, I tried to avoid it but I just can't act it out for any longer. I am beautiful, with a personality wit and intellect to match it.
All of my life I've been striving for something I'll never be. As a child I was perpetually held on a pedestal because I was smarter and more creative than my peers and siblings, the downside of course is that if only's ruled my life. If only I was more creative, if only I was a better musician, if only I was prettier or thinner, or more scientific and extroverted. The trouble with this mindstate is that you tend to stay grounded. There's no giant leap of self-improvement in fear that I'll trip over and fall straight on my face (which has a tendancy of happening)
After a couple of conversations with a lovely man who put it all into perspective (things like this need a second opinion) riddled with red-wine and small talk of communism.. I spewed forth all of my worries, my anxieties, my failures my wishes for the future and for the past and told him to work his magic, and he did for the most part well he put what I was niggling in the back of my mind but not thinking it were to be true into introspective. Man I just love people like this, people who are generally out for anothers well-being, instead of having other underbelly alternative motives, hell, he didn't even ask me to spend the night.
Of course, they secret is to find balance which hasn't come to me yet.. balance between being so far stuck up my own arse and being a slumped up snotty nosed kid. But I have hope, or at least; hope that there is hope.
All of my life I've been striving for something I'll never be. As a child I was perpetually held on a pedestal because I was smarter and more creative than my peers and siblings, the downside of course is that if only's ruled my life. If only I was more creative, if only I was a better musician, if only I was prettier or thinner, or more scientific and extroverted. The trouble with this mindstate is that you tend to stay grounded. There's no giant leap of self-improvement in fear that I'll trip over and fall straight on my face (which has a tendancy of happening)
After a couple of conversations with a lovely man who put it all into perspective (things like this need a second opinion) riddled with red-wine and small talk of communism.. I spewed forth all of my worries, my anxieties, my failures my wishes for the future and for the past and told him to work his magic, and he did for the most part well he put what I was niggling in the back of my mind but not thinking it were to be true into introspective. Man I just love people like this, people who are generally out for anothers well-being, instead of having other underbelly alternative motives, hell, he didn't even ask me to spend the night.
Of course, they secret is to find balance which hasn't come to me yet.. balance between being so far stuck up my own arse and being a slumped up snotty nosed kid. But I have hope, or at least; hope that there is hope.