Entry 16; WHO CARES
ALERT: I THINK I'M GETTING SICK!
whhhhhy ohh whhhhhyy! I never ever ever get sick.. it's really rare. When I do however.. it's really bad and lasts forever. It's probably my own fault because I haven't been taking care of myself as of late.. not in the least. Still though! I don't wanna get sick.. and it could be the flu. I haven't thrown up in a while.. I don't wanna remember how it feels. Plus.. if I do get sick and it is bad and lasts a long time. I won't be able to see Brandon until i'm completely better. Weeks.. and weeks.. POSSIBLY A WHOLE MONTH!
I'll cry.... More.
I just realized I haven't updated in a long ass time. Not THAT long but.. kind of. I haven't been online much lately, I don't think. I can't even remember.. so that says something right there.
I haven't been doing anything important.. just goofin, I guess. Yesterday I went over to see my little bald man and my mama. With my grandma.. who gets more and more paranoid with each passing day. It's rather sad and completely frustrating. The woman freaked out.. because the sun was in her eyes and because I didn't know what number my combo thing was at mcdonalds. We couldn't see the thingy.. menu board, I guess. We weren't even up there yet! There were two cars infront of us. Once we got up there.. we would of seen.. I kept saying that.. she does not listen. That's exactly what happened too.. I could of slapped her. She was freaking and it frustrated my beyond belief.. and she got mad at me because she's a freak...
but yeah.. anyway. She'll drive me to insanity. Okay.. impossible. Already insane. You get the point though.
It was cool.. cept for that part and her other freak outs. I had Brandon in my lap. Well laying on my legs.. I had them propped up and he was laying across them looking at me. At one point I swear he was dancing.. rofl. He always makes an "O" shape with his mouth.. it looks like he's gonna whistle. My mom and I will say it now.. and when you say it.. you make the shape with your mouth, obviously. Sometimes he'll copy us.. it's cute. Well I was doing it and he acted like he was trying too.. but he kept blowing bubbles at me instead. Rofl.. and then he was sticking his tongue out at me, so I did it back and he smiled at me. It was hilarious.
The day before that.. Tanya had people over. Kenny and Richard. [Her hot sons] Italy.. who's Richard's one year old daughter, Nikki.. his girlfriend.. and then her two friends Jan and Jan. They're fellow lesbians.. and they're a couple with the same name. Kinda like Paris and Paris. Haha. They didn't come over until later on during the day though. So everyone was like cleaning and stuff all day.. except for me. I didn't feel good though. Then the cable guy came over.. and it started storming. That's when everyone showed up. I don't have cable once again.. in my room, I mean. I don't mind though. I can always go downstairs.. and it's getting hooked up this week, I guess.
I actually socialized.. instead of retiring to my room and staying away from everyone. Which is odd.. cause I don't when I feel decent and I felt like shit then. I've always been that odd though. Anyway.. it was fun and whatnot, I guess. Only problem was.. Richard and all his hotness. I swear at one point I wanted to just grab him.. and throw his sexy behind at the wall and just go AT IT! I felt so dirty.. I wasn't obvious in any way. Didn't change what I felt though. He had his shirt off for a little while too.. made it that much worse. He like bent over and his abs would flex and you could clearly see the definition of them.. like flawlessly. I had to look away. Then i'd stare at him whenever everyone's attention was focused on something else. Lmfao.. so pathetic.
It's so gross.. i'm like horny. I DON'T LIKE IT! I won't allow myself to do anything with anyone though. People are willing.. lmfao.. I say that in a very non sadiddy way.. because i'm not conceited in the least. Most of the time I don't even like myself.. so yeah.
Today I didn't do much of anything.. watched Friday Night Lights with Dawn as she made dinner uber early. She had to go to the dentist at 3, which was the reason. I love that movie.. i've seen it before but we had Starz on Demand now. It was on the list.. so we watched it. I'd probably screw all of the main characters on the football team. Lee Thompson Young[Oh Laawd], Lucas Black, Garrett Hedlund, Derek Luke & Jay Hernandez. Shoot.. individually or all at once. I'm not picky. How about one for each weekday? I'm down for that... lmfao.
Except I can't.. because i'm in love with someone now. It's new.. and sudden, I know! I just couldn't keep my feelings in any longer... I love you, Ryan Gosling... I .. love.. you. Lmfao.. sorry. I finally watched The Notebook too. LOVE THAT MOVIE! I wanted to cry so many times but told myself not to.. until the very end. It's a really good movie and even though it has that like.. perfect romantic but kinda sad ending. It's depressing as all hell. At least for me.. just cause I know i'll be like single for the rest of my life, no doubt. Plus the only people I realized i've ever loved.. didn't know it. Not really. So I ended up asking myself.. `` How do you love someone who doesn't know? `` Or something along those lines. That's messed up. I've never had anything like that movie. Not even close.. and I believe that can be real. It isn't common.. but I think it's real. I also know that anyone who's seen that movie wishes Rachel and Ryan were together. Maybe they are! They act like it sometimes.. maybe they're having a secret relationship and fool the public in their own way. If they aren't though.. I still wouldn't doubt that they're really close now. After making that movie. I know I fell in love with the both of them after watching it.
The things I wouldn't do to Ryan Gosling. Lawdy.. and with his facial hair towards the end or middle, I guess. Of the movie.. he does looks like Ryan Reynolds. Whenever he has facial hair too. Random.. but I just thought about what she said at the Teen Choice awards.. I think it was.
.. but yeah, i've said too much.. which is okay. It makes up for the lack of recent updates.. but nobody will read this. Lmfao.. so i'm gonna shush now. One Tree Hill in TWO WEEKS! Hell fucking yeah..
My Brother's birthday is Friday too.. so i'll be calling him. Not saying anything will happen cause i'm not going to call my dad. At least not for a while.. but we'll see what my brother says.. if anything at all.
Shadow
whhhhhy ohh whhhhhyy! I never ever ever get sick.. it's really rare. When I do however.. it's really bad and lasts forever. It's probably my own fault because I haven't been taking care of myself as of late.. not in the least. Still though! I don't wanna get sick.. and it could be the flu. I haven't thrown up in a while.. I don't wanna remember how it feels. Plus.. if I do get sick and it is bad and lasts a long time. I won't be able to see Brandon until i'm completely better. Weeks.. and weeks.. POSSIBLY A WHOLE MONTH!
I'll cry.... More.
I just realized I haven't updated in a long ass time. Not THAT long but.. kind of. I haven't been online much lately, I don't think. I can't even remember.. so that says something right there.
I haven't been doing anything important.. just goofin, I guess. Yesterday I went over to see my little bald man and my mama. With my grandma.. who gets more and more paranoid with each passing day. It's rather sad and completely frustrating. The woman freaked out.. because the sun was in her eyes and because I didn't know what number my combo thing was at mcdonalds. We couldn't see the thingy.. menu board, I guess. We weren't even up there yet! There were two cars infront of us. Once we got up there.. we would of seen.. I kept saying that.. she does not listen. That's exactly what happened too.. I could of slapped her. She was freaking and it frustrated my beyond belief.. and she got mad at me because she's a freak...
but yeah.. anyway. She'll drive me to insanity. Okay.. impossible. Already insane. You get the point though.
It was cool.. cept for that part and her other freak outs. I had Brandon in my lap. Well laying on my legs.. I had them propped up and he was laying across them looking at me. At one point I swear he was dancing.. rofl. He always makes an "O" shape with his mouth.. it looks like he's gonna whistle. My mom and I will say it now.. and when you say it.. you make the shape with your mouth, obviously. Sometimes he'll copy us.. it's cute. Well I was doing it and he acted like he was trying too.. but he kept blowing bubbles at me instead. Rofl.. and then he was sticking his tongue out at me, so I did it back and he smiled at me. It was hilarious.
The day before that.. Tanya had people over. Kenny and Richard. [Her hot sons] Italy.. who's Richard's one year old daughter, Nikki.. his girlfriend.. and then her two friends Jan and Jan. They're fellow lesbians.. and they're a couple with the same name. Kinda like Paris and Paris. Haha. They didn't come over until later on during the day though. So everyone was like cleaning and stuff all day.. except for me. I didn't feel good though. Then the cable guy came over.. and it started storming. That's when everyone showed up. I don't have cable once again.. in my room, I mean. I don't mind though. I can always go downstairs.. and it's getting hooked up this week, I guess.
I actually socialized.. instead of retiring to my room and staying away from everyone. Which is odd.. cause I don't when I feel decent and I felt like shit then. I've always been that odd though. Anyway.. it was fun and whatnot, I guess. Only problem was.. Richard and all his hotness. I swear at one point I wanted to just grab him.. and throw his sexy behind at the wall and just go AT IT! I felt so dirty.. I wasn't obvious in any way. Didn't change what I felt though. He had his shirt off for a little while too.. made it that much worse. He like bent over and his abs would flex and you could clearly see the definition of them.. like flawlessly. I had to look away. Then i'd stare at him whenever everyone's attention was focused on something else. Lmfao.. so pathetic.
It's so gross.. i'm like horny. I DON'T LIKE IT! I won't allow myself to do anything with anyone though. People are willing.. lmfao.. I say that in a very non sadiddy way.. because i'm not conceited in the least. Most of the time I don't even like myself.. so yeah.
Today I didn't do much of anything.. watched Friday Night Lights with Dawn as she made dinner uber early. She had to go to the dentist at 3, which was the reason. I love that movie.. i've seen it before but we had Starz on Demand now. It was on the list.. so we watched it. I'd probably screw all of the main characters on the football team. Lee Thompson Young[Oh Laawd], Lucas Black, Garrett Hedlund, Derek Luke & Jay Hernandez. Shoot.. individually or all at once. I'm not picky. How about one for each weekday? I'm down for that... lmfao.
Except I can't.. because i'm in love with someone now. It's new.. and sudden, I know! I just couldn't keep my feelings in any longer... I love you, Ryan Gosling... I .. love.. you. Lmfao.. sorry. I finally watched The Notebook too. LOVE THAT MOVIE! I wanted to cry so many times but told myself not to.. until the very end. It's a really good movie and even though it has that like.. perfect romantic but kinda sad ending. It's depressing as all hell. At least for me.. just cause I know i'll be like single for the rest of my life, no doubt. Plus the only people I realized i've ever loved.. didn't know it. Not really. So I ended up asking myself.. `` How do you love someone who doesn't know? `` Or something along those lines. That's messed up. I've never had anything like that movie. Not even close.. and I believe that can be real. It isn't common.. but I think it's real. I also know that anyone who's seen that movie wishes Rachel and Ryan were together. Maybe they are! They act like it sometimes.. maybe they're having a secret relationship and fool the public in their own way. If they aren't though.. I still wouldn't doubt that they're really close now. After making that movie. I know I fell in love with the both of them after watching it.
The things I wouldn't do to Ryan Gosling. Lawdy.. and with his facial hair towards the end or middle, I guess. Of the movie.. he does looks like Ryan Reynolds. Whenever he has facial hair too. Random.. but I just thought about what she said at the Teen Choice awards.. I think it was.
.. but yeah, i've said too much.. which is okay. It makes up for the lack of recent updates.. but nobody will read this. Lmfao.. so i'm gonna shush now. One Tree Hill in TWO WEEKS! Hell fucking yeah..
My Brother's birthday is Friday too.. so i'll be calling him. Not saying anything will happen cause i'm not going to call my dad. At least not for a while.. but we'll see what my brother says.. if anything at all.
Shadow