(no subject)
- i love music. i cant live without it. if someone took away my stereo, walkman, and CDs, i'd probably die
- i really wanna be a singer. but i know i cant because a)i probably wouldn't make it..no one believes i could anyway b)it'd be a huge disappointment to my parents and family c)i dont have "the look"
- i hate people calling me smart. sure, i get As. but if i was really smart, like smart to my potential, then i'd be happy with my work. i know i can allllllways change something about my work, no matter how good it seems. im really not even that smart compared to people from camp. like kevin, who takes precalc in 9th grade. and brian who scored an 800 when he was 13 on the SATs and does penn course stuff.
- i really, really, really, BADLY want an older brother. no idea why, i just do. my friends from camp were like my big brothers. and tasha was the older sister who didnt get on my nerves.
- i miss the CTYers like fuck. i seriously hated the work, but i loved meeting all these people who had families like me, had to work like me, and understood. its really hard to meet people like that..i've met like 4 people in TO who are like that.
- i miss swimming like crazy. everytime i look at any medals or prizes, i start to cry. yeah, it counds corny and dumb, but i miss it. i miss hearing my coach screaming the last length, i miss the race of adrenaline, i miss the smell of the water, i miss hearing my times get faster, going to practice every day and complaining, but when i got in the water i'd love it. i miss it so much, i dont think anyone really gets it
- i love my family so much, but we arent open at all. i, almost more than anything, wanna have a good, loving relationship with my parents, like my cousins have with theirs.
- i really only realize what i have when i lose it, and i understand this, but as much as i try, i cant show the love or joy of having it.
- i hate los cerritos. more than anything. its the main reason why i never seem happy. even though i havent really had any struggles in 8th grade so far, just looking at the school, and seeing the staff brings back memories that i hate, and makes me feel horrible.
- i wish i was perfect. i know no one is perfect. but i wish, so badly, that i was the perfect daughter, the perfect niece, the perfect family member, the perfect student, the perfect friend to everyone.
- i wish i could see my friends more often. and i wish that i would hang out with all the people that i consider friends from school and livejournal. i'v really only hung out with daniela c, vivian, lisa, vivi, diana, michaela and carina and michelle..like once
- i dont try to be sad. i really do try to be happy. sometimes i cant stop it. sometimes i think that, with all the terrible stuff that happened in 7th grade through summer, my mind has been crowded with sadness.
- im stressed out. i seriously am. sure, i have an A+ in spanish and science. and an A in every other subject. but im stressed out. by work, by trying to get back into the shape i was in when i swam, by family life.
- i do have problems. they might not be as bad as yours, but i do. and im sorry if when i talk about my problems it annoys you. but all i really want is advice and love.
- i crave love. i hate when people are mad, or annoyed at me.
- i miss a lot of people right now.
- i hate feeling. and thinking. it just messes me up
- but sometimes, i really dont feel anything and i dont know why and its scary. seriously, it scares me.
- i dont know myself
- i dont even know much anymore. apart from book facts
- despite myself, i envy every single person. i.e, diana, because she is so beautiful and smart yet she can still be crazy and wild. danya, because even though she isnt cool or beautiful or has a great body, she is happy with her life and herself. meryl, becuase she's such a pretty, sweet person to everyone. carina, because she's one of the smartest, most understanding people ever. michaela, because she's so wonderfully crazy, yet still intelligent and deep, and she's crazy beautiful. lisa, cuz...she's lisa. and like everyone else.
okay i cant think anymore. <3