(no subject)
sigh
i couldn't go to school today because of course
before school is when my dad gets the brilliant idea of talking to me
a lot of bad things have been happening & if you think that
i have nothing going on..
well i shouldn't make you think
all i know is that my mother has taken a fucking turn for the worse
i've never wished death on anyone except her
i hope this fucking flu will kill her
i honestly do
i can see myself developing the habit
coming home from school everyday so i don't have to hear her voice
& i will remind myself everyday how much i wanted it
i've done it before
huge changes have happened to my life & i may complain
but i always ALWAYS remember how much i wanted the change
& then i will start driving... picking my brother up from school
then college
& i'll never have to see her face again
& i'll visit her grave
i don't think anyone understands who i put up with
every day
of my fucking life
since i was born.
i don't know why she got married to my dad
but she's been putting images in my head (real images, disgusting
repulsive, absolutely offensive images) that WILL stick with me
the rest of my life
i have no shame
i want her dead. i want her fucking dead.
somebody please call me. somebody help me contain my insanity.
anyone?
i always end things like this don't i
i have major dependency issues, maybe
but fuck that. if you knew how i fucking
..
just whatever i don't even need to finish this
ugh what am i relying on
i can't depend on you guys for support
i couldn't go to school today because of course
before school is when my dad gets the brilliant idea of talking to me
a lot of bad things have been happening & if you think that
i have nothing going on..
well i shouldn't make you think
all i know is that my mother has taken a fucking turn for the worse
i've never wished death on anyone except her
i hope this fucking flu will kill her
i honestly do
i can see myself developing the habit
coming home from school everyday so i don't have to hear her voice
& i will remind myself everyday how much i wanted it
i've done it before
huge changes have happened to my life & i may complain
but i always ALWAYS remember how much i wanted the change
& then i will start driving... picking my brother up from school
then college
& i'll never have to see her face again
& i'll visit her grave
i don't think anyone understands who i put up with
every day
of my fucking life
since i was born.
i don't know why she got married to my dad
but she's been putting images in my head (real images, disgusting
repulsive, absolutely offensive images) that WILL stick with me
the rest of my life
i have no shame
i want her dead. i want her fucking dead.
somebody please call me. somebody help me contain my insanity.
anyone?
i always end things like this don't i
i have major dependency issues, maybe
but fuck that. if you knew how i fucking
..
just whatever i don't even need to finish this
ugh what am i relying on
i can't depend on you guys for support