(no subject)

[__prison]

i'm thinking that this was the crappiest weekend of my life.
i stayed in the house through saturday and sunday.
i only went outside to smoke cigarettes.
i was in my house for two whole days.
and don't think i didn't try to call people. i did.
and you can see how that turned out.

i wish i had the strength to just say fuck it, and keep doing this.
if i keep going like this, i'm going to implode.
if i don't talk to someone. i can't, i don't have anyone.

its impossible for me to hold onto my friends here, or make new
ones in NY. because i'm half here and half there. i'm not in
one place long enough to build or rebuild relationships with
people. and honestly, this alone shit isn't working out.

it's a bitch to go back to a place where you used to love
and be loved, and to sit there and feel completely out of
place. to sit there and feel like you don't belong. to not
be able to talk about anything thats going on with me, because
they don't care anymore.

i am literally being thrown back and forth between two worlds.