sad happy sad angry
yuck, we talked and it was very amiable but heartbreaking. I hate doing this! I cried so much when I got home, it was just like "how fucking sad is this? It's too sad for words." we were each others everything. there was so much love at one time... and I hate that immaturity had to be the cause of all of this. I hate that I enjoy other boys, and I hate that he enjoys other girls. It makes me feel better ( and him too I'm sure ) to hold on to that glimmer that maybe some day when all of this shit has died down and we are off at college- maybe things will get better for us and we will have a happy ending. But maybe not, probably not, so at least I know we can someday be friends. I gave him his watch and we talked over dinner... I know I was acting cold, but it is just too painful to start giving in. I wasn't planning on going out when I got back, but I just got like "qfhwcqowenf qt go go go" so I called Tanner, and abbey came and got us. we went back to shane's and this time there were a lot of people, a lot of penis's and some alcohol. I didn't drink- but I TOTALLY played spin the bottle again! Fuck, abbey is hot. I got to makeout with her like three times and it was fucking awesome. haha I was involved in some three way kisses, and there of course was lots of homosexual erotica. I'd say it was about half as good as the first night though, because there were too many people not that into it and too shy. You have to use tongue! and you have to at least ACT like you're into it... geeze guys. learn how to play, you pussies. I talked to a bunch of people, and I heard some stuff that brandon said about our talk- saying that I was "so over him" or something and that's not true!!! I'm just a hardass sometimes. --- Brandon, if you read this- you know how in love I was with you... and it's just buried right now. and you started it! --- wellll back to the fun. and so then we went back to the dorm which was complete drunken hilarity for abbey and aaron and just awkward sexual frustration for tanner and I. I shouldn't get into that... that is too private. Maybe a friends only post is in order! anyways, haha a lot of *interesting* things happened at the dorm, and I got to hear the repetitive "why are YOU so awesome? you're my best friend! how did we get here alive?" and other brandy-induced phrases from those kids. I am such an insomniac, I dont think I slept for more then 10 minutes at a time. I just kept listening to them and giggling and <333. He makes me nervous, it's kind of fun but I feel so stupid sometimes. Ugh I lost my cell phone. super gay! and my parents are being complete shit heads again.