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the entire time she and eric just sat at my kitchen table talking while i was working my ass off on that damn blanket. someone called her cell phone and she said "we're working on a gift for mr.amm." EXCUSE ME? hell no you didn't. I am working on the blanket. YOU are just taking advantage of your time with eric. i was so pissed. so pissed, yet i said nothing.
friday i called her in tears because i was so stressed out. i had no costume, i was not near close to being finished with the blanket, and i had no time to get ready. i had time to either finish the blanket or get ready-- couldn't do both. i called gracie in tears. she came and brought me a cartigan to go with my dress and i asked her to pick up the gift certificate for mrs.cross. when she came back i was in tears ironing the life out of myself. she decided to go home and have a nap before the concert.
HER BEST FRIEND IS CRYING, WORKING ON A PROJECT FOR THE CHOIR DIRECTOR AND SHE-- THE CHOIR VICE PRESIDENT-- FINDS IT MORE IMPORTANT TO GO HOME AND TAKE A NAP BEFORE THE CONCERT. what the hell? am i not only second chair, but now invisble, too?
i felt a little rude when i made the decision to be the only one presenting the gifts at the concert. usually all the concert choir officers participate. nope, not this time. I put the gift together. I shed tears over it. I stayed up late taking pictures, flipping them, ironing them, stressing over the blanket being sewed the way i wanted it... i was not going to give them credit for doing jack shit.
and now i feel like the bitch of the world for being so self-absorbed and pissed off about these things. but my GOSH, it isn't fair.
gracie got the Arion Award-- the "super choir senior" award that everyone wants and the entire choir votes on. cool. i'm almost positive that if my gpa was .13 higher to meet the 3.0 requirement (i have a 2.87) that i would have received the award. i'm 95% positive. i'm so pissed. not pissed. jealous. i feel like she did nothing for the choir and i put in SO MUCH time and effort and didn't get recognized. i know mr.amm knows this. he told me. he thanked me. he hugged me and told me i was one of the best choir presidents he's seen. and i know i'm being greedy when i say i wanted that award to show everyone else that "hey, i was a good choir president. i did a whole lot for that group of kids and i busted my butt for them." but there's more to it than that, too. eight years ago my brother won the Arion Award along with tom strow. five years ago my sister won the Arion Award. this year, i didn't win. it's like i'm not even a member of my own family. and i know my parents were expecting me to win. i know people were expecting me to win it. and i know it was my own damn fault for not putting a TINY BIT more effort into school to have a 3.0. part of me wants to tell them that the reason i didn't win it was because my gpa wasn't high enough, but i also feel that telling them that would only have them direct that dissapointment to me-- if it isn't there already.
and i know i'm so dissapointed in myself and directing most of that anger towards grace. but i also know that i have some good reasoning behind my anger towards her. i just kept it bottled up for too long.
now i'm really hungry. i will get a vanilla latte from the local coffeeshop, mcnuggets from mcdonalds, and mozerella sticks from arbys. because i am hungry and disgusting like that. :-)
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the good thing is that i learned a lot about you.
same thing happened to me once & like you i was pretty pissed. but hey life is unfair sometimes, & unfortunately we just have to deal with it. look at it this way, an award is only an added bonus. it's just proof of your hard work/effort put on a PAPER. yeah it sounds really stupid if you think about it...it's just paper. you might have not recieved the award, but your achievements are still recognized. & isn't that what's most important? sometimes the person who deserves it the most doesn't get the award & in your case, i think everyone knows that. so don't feel so bad about it. lift your head up, girl.
and about gracie... maybe you should talk to her about how you feel about things. don't keep it inside any longer.
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